Write a dialogue (1ère lycée).

[Fiona766]

 

Bonjour, Nous devons faire un diaologue. Voici l'intitulé et le texte que j'ai fait:

Merci pour votre correction, vos conseils et suggestions. Bonne journée. Léo

You are having an argument with your parents about one of your passions. Inspiring yourself from our study of the extract of Billy Elliot, write a dialogue showing how prejudiced your parents are and how determined you feel.

 

“Honey, dinner is served !”
Ah! She is getting on my nerves when she calls me like that. I feel like a little girl.
“I am coming! “ I replied her.
When I went down the stairs, I smelt the brussels sprouts odour. Ah! It’s gross. Why is obstinate to cook me all the time vegetables?
“Oh Mom! You perfectly know that I hate brussels sprouts! “
“Sweet, I know but if you want to go to Paris Opera and become a ballet dancer, you have to eat healthy.” She answered calmly.
At this moment, I was very embarrassed. How could I tell her?
“Ow, about this…” I murmured
“I have started to inquire about dance school near to Paris…” (at the same time)
“Mom, I want to tell you something” she is so irritating when she doesn’t listen to me and it’s always like that.
“Did you know that Paris Bastille School is one of the most famous dance school in France?”
“Mom, listen to me please…”
“And they have wonderful teacher.”
“Mom STOP!” I screamed “Oh God, stop talking! “
“Calm down, Léonie, calm down. What do you have? “
“So, about ballet, I don’t want to become a ballet dancer, I want to stop this” I declared very embarrass.
She was speechless and looked at me during five minutes without saying anything. It was the five longest minutes of my life. It was the first time that I managed to close her mouth.
“What….what did you say ?”
“I want to stop ballet”
“And why do you want to stop ballet? “
“I want to do MMA”
“Are you crazy ?! What is wrong with you ?! “ she yelled at me “What’s in your head ?” What do you want to do fucking MMA ! Tell me!”
“Because, I tried it few days ago at school and I have realized I really like this sport.”
“No way ! It’s a boy sport, violent, there is only savages and primitives boys !”
“But Mom, I love this. I find myself drawn towards it.”
“I don’t want my daughter to become a savage with lack of manners! You will continue ballet, end of the discussion ! “
“But Mom….”
“Shut up !”
“I hate you !” I shouted. I ran to my room and I slammed the door. Why she doesn’t understand me ?

 

 

[Jean B]

Bonsoir,

Il y a 12 heures, Fiona766 a dit :

 

Bonjour, Nous devons faire un dialogue. Voici l'intitulé et le texte que j'ai fait:

Merci pour votre correction, vos conseils et suggestions. Bonne journée. Léo

You are having an argument with your parents about one of your passions. Inspiring yourself from our study of the extract of Billy Elliot, write a dialogue showing how prejudiced your parents are and how determined you feel.

 

“Honey, dinner is served !”
Ah! She is getting on my nerves when she calls me that way/so/like that. I feel like a little girl.
“(I am) coming! “ I replied her.
When I went down the (As I was) going downstairs, I could smell the Brussels sprouts odour. Ah! It’s gross/disgusting. Why is obstinate to does she persist in/keep on/ cooking me vegetables all the time? < Revois la construction interrogative, ce ne sera pas inutile.
“Oh Mom! You perfectly know that I hate brussels sprouts! “ < MAJUSCULE aux noms des villes, toujours.
“Sweet, I know but if you want to go to the Paris Opera and become a ballet dancer, you have to eat healthy.” She answered calmly.
At this moment, I was very embarrassed. How could I tell her?
“Oh, about this…” I murmured
“I have started to inquire about dance schools near to Paris…” (at the same time)
“Mom, I want to tell you something” she is so irritating when she doesn’t listen to me and it’s always like that.
“Did you know that Paris Bastille School is one of the most famous dance school in France?”
“Mom, listen to me please…”
“And they have wonderful teachers.”
“Mom STOP!” I screamed “Oh God, stop talking! “
“Calm down, Léonie, calm down. What's /wrong with you/the matter do you have? “
“So, about ballet, I don’t want to become a ballet dancer, I want to stop this” I declared very embarrassed.
She was speechless and looked at me for/during five minutes without saying anything. It was < 5 = pluriel > They were the five longest minutes of in my life. It was the first time that I managed to close make her mouth shut up.
“What….what did you say?”
“I want to stop ballet dancing”
“And why do you want to stop ballet it? “
“I want to do MMA”
“Are you crazy ?! What's wrong with you ?! “ she yelled at me “What’s in your head?” What Why do you want to do fucking bloody MMA? Tell me!” < Cet adjectif est un peu moins vulgaire !
“Because I tried it a few days ago at school and I have realized I really like this sport.”
“No way! It’s a violent < L'adjectif DEVANT le nom > boy sport, violent there is only savages and primitives boys do that sport!” < Les adjectifs sont INVARIABLES !
“But Mom, I love this. I find myself drawn towards it.”
“I don’t want my daughter to become a savage with lack of no manners! You will continue ballet dance, that's all/end of the discussion! “
“But Mom….”
“Shut up!”
“I hate you!” I shouted. I ran to my room and (I) slammed the door. Why doesn’t she understand me ? < Revois aussi l'ordre des mots dans l'interro-négative.

Même si ton dialogue a des accents de vécu, tu commets trop de fautes sur des règles de grammaire élémentaire.

Des révisions s'imposent !

 

[Fiona766]

Bonjour, et merci beaucoup. Il y a du vécu mais aussi beaucoup d'imagination. L'adjectif vulgaire est employé parce que nous l'avions vu lorsque le père de Billy Elliot s'adresse à son fils.. mais c'est sûr que sur un dialogue ce n'est pas très bien. Je pense trop en français et ai du mal à penser en anglais! Merci pour la correction et vos commentaires.

Bonne journée.

Leo

[Jean B]

Merci de ton retour d'info.

Pour aller plus loin, un site parmi d'autres :

https://www.mosalingua.com/blog/2016/07/18/penser-en-anglais-en-5-etapes/