Correction Devoir

[Fiona766]

Bonsoir Monsieur,

J'ouvre un nouveau fil pour un autre devoir en anglais. Je me suis aperçu que j'avais oublié de signer mon dernier post. Bon dimanche. Stan.

Voilà mon second texte à corriger:

After watching this document, everybody, like us, like european people, needs to have a reflexion about himslef. What represents our condition in front of what Malawi's population lives evryday ?

We often complain about insignifiant things, but what is, in reality, our condition : a privileged condition with a safe life, with a home, with food everywhere, with an easy acces to hosptital and also with love all around us.

But, is it the same in every parts of the world ?

Certainly not, as we have seen in the document «I am because we are », which is only an example of what can be destitution, in the world, and in the continent right in front of us.

In fact, we learn in it that all the problems are accumulated in Malawi to the point of creating a vicious circle.

First there are economics problem : the population has got a really weak pay and it causes difficulties to survive : the children can't go to school because it's too expensive, population can't have access to treatments and hospital.

In addition the problems of health are recurrent : people live in insalubrity and they often get diseases ; the HIV/AIDS is also omnipresent in Malawi because there is not enough prevention and because the access to education is extremely limited . This virus causes many damages, so that a lot of children are orhpan really soon, and also contaminated by this virus.

The population, even the young children, are lost : there are no issues to believe in the futur. If we want to change that in Malawi the most important thing is to educate children to give them the opportunity to know a great life and to have an issue to their poverty, and also to organise prevention in Malawi in order to stop the expansion of HIV.

Moreover, this document really shocked me about something happens in Malawi : mutilation. I didn't know that it existed and I was really upset to discover that. I can't believe that some people, on the pretext of mutilation, can take a part of their body off, and scare all the children.

Personnaly, I have, also, been really moved when I've seen all these children playing together, to have fun, to don't care about their condition. But, if I have been as moved, it's because I can't imagine how a ten years old boy can live without his parents ( «everyone needs parents » as someone says in this document). I know, that, personnaly, I wouldn't be able to live anymore. So I find them very courageous and very perseverant to shape their futur. In my opinion, they represent a model about humanity.

To conclude, this document learned me many things about this small country and the life's conditions of his habitants. In addition, it permitted me to have a constructive reflexion about my self and encouraged me to care about what happends in Africa and poor countries.

[Jean B]

Bonjour, Stan.

 

After watching this document, everybody, like us, everyone of us like any European people needs to have a reflexion think about himself. <<difficile d'employer un singulier en même temps qu'un pluriel What represents do our living conditions mean in front of faced with what Malawi's population lives every day?<< Attention à l'ordre des mots dans l'interrogative.

We often complain about insignificant/trivial things, but what is our condition in reality/in actual fact? a privileged condition with a safe life, with a home, with food everywhere, with an easy acces to medical care/hospital and also with love all around us.

But is it the same in every parts of the world? << every est suivi d'un singulier, mémorise-le.

Certainly not, as we have seen in the document «I am because we are », which is only an example of what destitution can be destitution, in the world and on the continent right in front of us.<< Ici "what" est un pronom relatif, pas un interrogatif, en conséquence de quoi l'ordre des mots reste celui d'une déclarative ie sujet + modal + verbe + compléments.

In fact, we learn in it that all the problems are accumulated in Malawi to the point of creating a vicious circle.

First there are economics  problems : the population has got a really weak pay and it causes difficulties to survive : the children can't go to school because it's too expensive, population people can't have access to health care/treatments and hospital.

In addition the health problems of health are recurrent : people live in insalubrity and they often get diseases ; the HIV/AIDS is also omnipresent in Malawi because there is not enough prevention and because the access to education is extremely limited. This virus causes many damages so that a lot of children are orphaned really soon young and also contaminated by this virus.

The population, even the young children, are lost : there are no issues to believe in the future. If we want to change that in Malawi, the most important thing is to educate children to give them the opportunity to know a great life and to have an issue to their poverty and also to organise prevention in Malawi in order to stop the expansion of HIV.

Moreover this document really shocked me about something happens in Malawi : I was really shocked and upset to discover/learn that sexual mutilation is carried out/practised. I didn't know that it existed and I was really upset to discover that. << Tu as tendance à employer des phrases redondantes ; pense que l'anglais est généralement plus concis tout en exprimant sensiblement les mêmes choses. I can't believe that some people, on the pretext of mutilation religious custom, can take cut off a part of their body off, and scare all the female children's bodies and scare them. << Relis-toi pour essayer de trouver les formulations les plus précises.

Personally, I have was also been really moved when I've seen saw << Tu fais un récit =>> prétérit.  all these children playing together, to have having fun, to don't care being carefree about their condition.<< Puisque tu as commencé l'énumération de leurs activités par un participe présent, il fallait continuer. But if I have been as was/got so moved, it's because I can't imagine how a ten year-old boy can live without his parents ( «everyone needs parents » as someone says in this document). I know that personally, I wouldn't be able to live anymore. << Tu abuses des virgules, encore ! So I find them think they are very courageous and very perseverant persevering to shape/build their future. In my opinion, they represent a model about of humanity.

To conclude, this document learned taught me many things about this small country and the life's living conditions of his its inhabitants. In addition it permitted enabled/helped me to have a constructive reflexion about myself and encouraged me to care about what happens in Africa and poor countries.

- to learn = apprendre qqch/une leçon/un poème/une chanson pour son propre plaisir << = >> to teach = enseigner/apprendre qqch à qqn, ce que fait un professeur tous les jours (en principe)

- J'ignores si tu "traduis" du français vers l'anglais mais j'espère que tu ne le fais pas. En tous cas, il faut t'efforcer d'éviter les calques du français qui font rarement bon ménage avec l'anglais.

Il ne reste plus qu'à espérer que le forum  a été purgé de ses bugs !