Corriger fautes

[Ranio]

Bonjour alors voilà j’ai fait un travail en anglais sur un sujet ou je devais trouver une poblématique grace à tout ce qu’on a fait en classe, e j’aimerais si possible une correction pour les fautes, structures… merci beaucoup :

I am going to deal with the issue Are all citizens equal in modrn-day India ? Which fall into the notion seats and forms of power, Power is the ability to influence the behaviour of people ?

India is a country located in South Asia, it’s the second largest country in terms of popuation in the world and the 7 th largest country in terms of size in the world . The indian capital city is called nex dehli but the largest city is called Mumbai. India is a country full of contrasts and inequalities because some Indiansnlive in skyscrapers while others live in slums.

There is a caste system composed of 4 castes , it represent 2 thirds of the population

An other caste situate outsie Untouchable, the DALITS (comment dire qu’ils sont 300 M ) are considered inferior :

They do bad work clean he shit and rubbish, and they breaking stones with HAMMER , and they won less 1 $/day. Women dalits are abused and rape, they are untouchabl by day bu become touchable by night, they protest because are rejected and outcasts ( ?)

To reduce poverty there is the concept of microcredit, Millions of impoverished women take out small loans through microcredit schemes. The aim is to help them generate their own incomes, so they can eventually lift themselves out of poverty. But in the Indian state of Andhra Pradesh, the industry is in crisis and microfinance has trapped many women in a cycle of debt, rather than lifting them out of poverty. the interest is around 28 to 45 , it explique the many suicides.

Une transition pour cette deuxième partie ?  (pour la première c’est bon ? )

There is also the India’s girls go missing, there are 50 M, it caused by the family, raising boy is more attractive. However, there  are still some issues remaining including gender acceptation. In fact, mostly in smaller villages and cities, girls are considered useless because they can’t look after the family’s name. They say girls are also unreliable for the parents when they get old. That’s why India is becoming a male dominated-society. In the document Another girl, we can see how the dad is excited for the baby his wife is giving birth to, thinking that it’s  a boy. He says : « Where is my little prince ? Come, come… let me see him ! » but it’s actually a girl. Even if sex-selective abortion is strictly forbidden, the number of baby girls is still very low and a few of the citizens would tell what is actually happening to the new baby girls. We saw that Indians have changed a lot in their mentalities but it’s very interesting to see how a lot of them still considere girls  powerless because so many women in the world are iconic figures. For example in India, Indira Gandhi was the Prime Minister for more than 10 years in the sixties and she should be an example of successful and inspiring women in India. Through her figure we can see that there is progress because she’s the only woman who got into to this position but  progress shouldn’t be yet considered as accomplished. How can we demonstrate women’s skills when we don’t give them any chance to prove themselve?

[Jean B]

Il y a 18 heures, Ranio a dit :

Bonjour,

Alors voilà j’ai fait un travail en anglais sur un sujet où je devais trouver une problématique grâce à tout ce qu’on a fait en classe et j’aimerais si possible une correction pour les fautes, structures… Merci beaucoup. <Relis-toi toujours.

I am going to deal with the following issue: Are all citizens equal in modern-day India? Which <Tu ne peux pas commencer une phrase par un pronom relatif, donc...> It falls into the notion seats and forms of power. Power is the ability to influence the behaviour of people.

India is a country located in South Asia, it’s the second largest country in terms of population in the world and the 7th largest country in terms of size in the world. The indian capital city is called nex New Dehli but the largest city is called Mumbai. India is a country full of contrasts and inequalities because some Indians live in skyscrapers while others live in slums.

There is a caste system composed of 4 castes, it represents 2 thirds of the population.

Another caste situate outsie the Untouchables or Dalits (comment dire qu’ils sont 300 M ) are considered inferior, they number 300 millions.

They do bad  menial tasks/work such as cleaning the shit and rubbish and they breaking stones with hammers and they won earn/get less than 1 $ a/per day. Women Dalits are abused and raped, they are untouchable by day but become touchable attractive by night, they protest because they are rejected and outcasts. <Tu laisses souvent une ou plusieurs lettres sur ton clavier. Est-ce une habitude ou bien as-tu mauvaise vue ? Il faut te relire systématiquement. Quand tu passeras le Bac, personne ne le fera à ta place.

To reduce poverty there is the concept of microcredit, Millions of impoverished women take out small loans through microcredit schemes. The aim is to help them generate their own incomes, so they can eventually lift themselves out of poverty. But in the Indian state of Andhra Pradesh, the industry is in crisis and microfinance has trapped many women in a cycle of debt, rather than lifting them out of poverty. The interest rate is around 28 to 45 per cent, it explique the which explains many suicides.

Une transition pour cette deuxième partie ?  (pour la première c’est bon ?)

<Me contentant de la forme, je n’interviens jamais sur le fond.

There is also the India’s girls go case/question/issue of India’s missing girls there who are 50 M. it caused by the family, <C’est quoi tout ce charabia ? Efforce-toi de composer des phrases simples en pensant en anglais, pas en français ! Raising boys is more attractive to families. However there are still some issues remaining including gender acceptation. In fact, mostly in smaller villages and cities, girls are considered useless because they can’t look after the family’s name. They say girls are also unreliable for the parents when they get old. That’s why India is becoming a male dominated-society. In the document “Another girl”, we can see how the dad is excited for the baby his wife is giving birth to, thinking that it’s a boy. He says: « Where is my little prince? Come, come… let me see him! » but it’s actually a girl. Even if sex-selective abortion is strictly forbidden, the number of baby girls is still very low and a few of the citizens would tell what is actually happening to the new baby girls. We saw that Indians have changed a lot in their mentalities but it’s very interesting to see how a lot of them still consider girls powerless because so many women in the world are iconic figures. For example in India, Indira Gandhi was the Prime Minister for more than 10 years in the sixties and she should be an example of successful and inspiring women in India. Through her figure we can see that there is progress because she’s the only woman who got into to this position but progress shouldn’t be yet considered as accomplished. How can we demonstrate women’s skills when we don’t give them any chance to prove themselves?

Il y a une évidente disparité d’écriture entre les divers passages qui te sont propres et ceux que tu as repiqués sur la toile ou ailleurs !

Tu joues avec le feu, ton professeur ne sera pas dupe.

 

 

[Ranio]

Bonjour , merci de me corriger et puis pour  le passage mieux construit c'est notre prof qu'il nous les a donnés comme synthèse (d'une video, ), et vous avez raison j'ai retrouvé la synthèse sur internet.