Correction D'une Description

[lili789456]

bonjour !

j'aimerai savoir si ce que j'ai fait est bon et me montrer mes erreurs

merci d'avance

lien de l'image a d'ecrire:

http://data.moviecovers.com/DATA/zipcache/FIEVEL%20ET%20LE%20NOUVEAU%20MONDE.jpg

the scene take place in the first part of 1986

a mouse name fievel

the mouse arrived in the usa and leaves the boat in the middle we can see a mouse in the foreground we can see a black shoose the mouse arrive in harbour it in the gangway with passengers fievel wear a blue cap and red shirt shabby and blue trousers fievel have on a brown suitcase on the hand left

in the background we can see a reedish sea and long boats in the background we can see a statue of liberty and a sky the gangway is black and grey the first person have on brown suitcase and wear brown trouser the second person have on a suitcase maybe the women wear a black trouser fievel is standing will one left leg to raise the mouse looking happy ! the tittle is an american tail because the mouse gonna have a lot of adventures in the far west and it name is fievel the mouse is happy for this father said him in america there is no cat because cats gen to want eat a mouse in the old house .

merci

[yveslouis]

bonjour !

j'aimerai savoir si ce que j'ai fait est bon et me montrer mes erreurs

merci d'avance

lien de l'image a d'ecrire:

http://data.moviecovers.com/DATA/zipcache/FIEVEL%20ET%20LE%20NOUVEAU%20MONDE.jpg

The scene takes place in the first part of 1986.

A mouse name Fievel.

The mouse arrived in the usa USA and leaves (quel temps veux-tu employer ? "arrived" ; "leaves"...) the boat in the middle we can see a mouse in the foreground(Où s'arrête la phrase ?) we can see a black shoose shoes (je ne vois pas où commencent tes phrases. N'écris pas comme tu parles, surtout en anglais !) the mouse arrive (temps ?) in the harbour it (où est le verbe ?) in the gangway with passengers fievel wear a blue cap and red shirt shabby and blue trousers fievel have on a brown suitcase on the hand left (Fais des phrases courtes avec un sujet un verbe et un ou deux compléments. ainsi rédigé, c'est illisible.)

Je te laisse le soin d'y remédier...

Non corrigé :

in the background we can see a reedish sea and long boats in the background we can see a statue of liberty and a sky the gangway is black and grey the first person have on brown suitcase and wear brown trouser the second person have on a suitcase maybe the women wear a black trouser fievel is standing will one left leg to raise the mouse looking happy ! the tittle is an american tail because the mouse gonna have a lot of adventures in the far west and it name is fievel the mouse is happy for this father said him in america there is no cat because cats gen to want eat a mouse in the old house .

merci