Correction D'un Essay

[chacha7611]

Bonjour à tous, la fin de l'année approche, les travaux d'anglais aussi... Pouvez-vous me corriger ce petit essai dont le sujet est "Women are better manager than men" Merci à tous, et bon week-end

In the world of today, it exits billion people with their own abilities. Some of them are men, and others are women. To be a manager, a person has to show some special abilities to do well her job: have confidence in herself and her abilities, honest, good communication skills and a good leadership. But how can we say that female managers are better managers than male managers?

First of all, some studies have shown that women and men do not have exactly the same brain. In fact, women are more right-oriented that make them more flexible and find it easier to multitask; instead of men who are left-oriented, that often make them better at solving abstract equations and problems. Furthermore, thanks to theses differences, women are more intuitive and can better suppress negative emotions; which is a good thing when a manager has to judge objectively the work of his team. Even if a woman manager does not like one of her colleagues, she will give more easily a good feedback than a man.

Secondly, due to their education, women and men are different and did not develop the same abilities. In fact, when they are young, girls are used to play games which are good for everybody: cook, take care of a doll; instead of men who play “war games”, play with small cars… Like this, women will show a more desire to build than a desire to win like men. Women are more willing to explore compromise and to solicit other people's opinions. By contrast, men often think if they ask other people for advice, they will be perceived as unsure or as a leader.

Lastly, I think that women have more strengths than men. Indeed for me, women tend to me better than men at empowering staff, they encourage openness and are more accessible and they are better at defining expectations and providing feedback. However, men managers have also some advantages; they tend to be more confident and faster decision-makers, they are also more adept at forming "navigational relationships," that is, temporary teams set up to achieve short-term goals.

To conclude, I can say that since a few years women have started to be recognised in a lot of domains and they have shown that they can do the same or even better than men, in particularly in jobs which require many and different skills. Now companies have to choose what kind of manager they need, women or men, to achieve their goals with the better way.

[yveslouis]

Bonjour à tous, la fin de l'année approche, les travaux d'anglais aussi... Pouvez-vous me corriger ce petit essai dont le sujet est "Women are better manager than men" Merci à tous, et bon week-end

I suggest some modifications :

In the world of today/today's world, it exits billions of people exist with their own abilities. Some of them are men, and others are women. To be a manager, a person has to show some special abilities to do well his/her/their* job well: have confidence in herself and her abilities, be honest, have good communication skills and a good leadership. But how can we say that female managers are better managers than male managers?

* Choisis l'un ou l'autre chaque fois que tu emploies le mot person. Idem pour les pronoms réfléchis et pronoms personnels

First of all, some studies have shown that women and men do not have exactly the same brain. In fact, women are more right-orientedthat , which makes them more flexible and find it easier to multitask; instead of men who are left-oriented, that which often makes them better at solving abstract equations and problems. Furthermore, thanks to theses differences, women are more intuitive and can better suppress negative emotions, which is a good thing when a manager has to judge objectively the work of his team. Even if a woman manager does not like one of her colleagues, she will give more easily a good feedback than a man. (You must be kidding! )

Secondly, due to their education, women and men are different and did/do not develop the same abilities. In fact, when they are young, girls are used to playing games which are good for everybody: cooking, taking care of a doll; instead of men who play “war games”, play with small/little cars… Like this/Thus, women will show a more important desire to build than a desire to win unlike men. Women are more willing to explore compromise and to solicit other people's opinions. By contrast, men often think that, if they ask other people for advice, they will be perceived as unsure or and not as a leader.

Lastly, I think that women have more strengths than men. Indeed for me, women tend to me be better than men at empowering staff, they encourage openness and are more accessible and they are better at defining expectations and providing feedback. However, men managers also have also some advantages; they tend to be more confident and faster decision-makers, they are also more adept at forming "navigational relationships," that is, temporary teams set up to achieve short-term goals.

To conclude, I can say that since for a few years women have started to be recognized in a lot of domains and they have shown that they can do the same or even better than men, in particularly in jobs which require many and different skills. Now companies have to choose what kind of manager they need, women or men, to achieve their goals with in the better way.

[chacha7611]

Thanks for your help

Have a nice evening

[yveslouis]

Thanks for your help

Have a nice evening

[lovelycat]

Furthermore, thanks to theses differences, women are more intuitive and can better suppress negative emotions

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