Re : Correction Exposé D'anglais

[mylene64]

Merci beaucoup de m'avoir indiqué mes erreurs! J'ai essayé de corriger ce que j'ai pu mais parfois je ne sais vraiment pas quoi mettre! Est ce que c'est mieux comme ça?

A "brain attack" is the brain version of a heart attack. Every year, 130 000 French people suffer a brain attack and nearly 50 000 of them die. Twenty per cent of the blood pumped by the heart make for brain, which is extremely sensitive at any break of oxygen contribution. This vascular accident is a sudden failure of the blood circulation in the brain. Most of the time, brain attacks are caused either by a clot in the artery (it's the case three times over four) or by an haemorrhage ( fissure of vessel wall). This phenomenon thus causes the death of the brain cells of the brain part that is affected. Brain attack relapses hinge upon the spotted region and the damage spread. The body parts controlled by the brain damaged parts will not correctly work.

Arteritis affects one per cent of French people before fifty years old. Among the risk factors, tobacco is the most important. Arteries which irrigate legs are hit. Acute pains then appear in calfs, during walking. The more the disease evolves the more pains are important and frequent, occurring even at ease. At the ultimate phase, when the corked artery does not transport any blood and oxygen necessary for tissues survival, the leg territory concerned gradually dies. A gangrene then appears and can lead to amputation.

[yveslouis]

A "brain attack" is the brain version of a heart attack. Every year, 130,000 French people suffer from a brain attack and nearly 50,000 of them die. Twenty per cent of the blood pumped by the heart make for the brain, which is extremely sensitive at any break of oxygen contribution. This vascular accident is a sudden failure of the blood circulation in the brain. Most of the time, brain attacks are caused either by a clot in the artery (it's It is the case three times over out of four) or by an haemorrhage ( fissure of vessel wall). This phenomenon thus causes the death of the brain cells of the brain part that is affected. Brain attack relapses hinge (termes médicaux ?) upon the spotted region and the damage spreadS. The body parts controlled by the brain damaged parts will not correctly work.

Arteritis affects one per cent of French people before fifty years old. Among the risk factors, tobacco is the most important. Arteries which irrigate the legs are hit. Acute pains then appear in the calfs, during walking. The more the disease evolves the more pains are important and frequent, occurring even at ease. At the ultimate phase, when the corked artery does not transport any blood and oxygen necessary for tissues survival, the leg territory concerned gradually dies. A gangrene then appears and can lead to amputation.

@+

P.S : Tu aurais du continuer le "fil" précédent plutôt que d'en créer un nouveau.

[Jean B]

Pour cette phrase, j'aurais mis Acute pains then appear in the calves, when/while walking.

Qu'en dis-tu, amigo ?

[yveslouis]

Quite right, Jack!