Fiona766 Posté(e) le 25 février 2008 Signaler Posté(e) le 25 février 2008 Bonjour, Nous devons rendre à notre professeur une histoire policière en deux ou trois parties, il faut qu'elle soit surtout bien écrite. Je vous remercie d'avance pour la correction, et si vous voyez un ou quelques points grammaticaux que je dois revoir, n'hésitez pas. Fiona. Voici l'ébauche d'un épisode: Nevertheless an unpleasant surprise waits for them. The policemen are on the scene. “That takes place? There is a problem? Ask for William -Indeed, answers the sergeant by going up the voice. -You have no right to be here!!! -Why? Asks the guitarist - We have puddle of the "gypsies" who pollute our city!! Added a policeman - Packed your luggage and leave immediately - But... - It is an order! Roar the man - We cannot leave this night, it is impossible, told Will By trying to remain quiet - You laugh at me!!! - Listen to sir, this woman is about to deliver, we have to take nobody risk, says Fred, one of the percussionists. - It is not my problem! Answered the man in uniform. Brutally, Marie falls on the ground with a shout of pain. Mad with rage, William roar towards the policeman: «you are a monster; some day would pay it to you!!! - I return tomorrow morning and I want that this ground is empty .he eventually says. - Thank you, it is too kind “murmured Will inarticulately. Some hour later, the young singer is to take to the hospital of Rennes. She puts in the world a beautiful girl. The artists settle down in the city in quoted until their friend can leave the hospital. Some days later the troop takes back the road to continue the tour. «- you know for the flight of this night police captain (commissioner)? - Yes, I am in charge of the affair, moreover I go on the scene at once. - I accompany you. You have an idea of the culprit? - It is possible... Some moments later both men are on returning to the commissionership to view the video of surveillance. In spite of the bad quality of the image, the recognized police captain once the thief. «It is man is the leader of clown's band (strip) whom I transferred other evening! I was right to distrust him. Lieutenant, thrown (launched) a wanted notice. It is necessary to find this hooligan before he flees. - At once leader. A little later, the telephone of the commissionership rings. A person saw our man approximately 5 hours ago in... The telephone rings again but this time our man would be in... Somebody else asserts having seen him in... «But what is what takes place! It is a joke or which?” asks the furious man. During this time, William made some (race) for the dinner. Suddenly, he hears a siren of police then: " sir, please follow us. In the name of the law, you are under arrest” says a police. Once to arrive at the commissionership, she tells the police captain of Rennes.
E-Bahut Jean B Posté(e) le 25 février 2008 E-Bahut Signaler Posté(e) le 25 février 2008 Bonjour, Nevertheless an unpleasant surprise IS AwaitING <for> them. The police<men> are on the scene. "<That takes place> WHAT'S GOING ON/WHAT'S THE MATTER? <There> Is THERE a problem?" <Ask for> William ASKS.(pas d'inversion en anglais dans les reprises indirectes) -Indeed, <answers> the sergeant ANSWERS <by going up the voice> LOUDLY/IN A LOUD VOICE. -You have no right to be here!!! -Why? <Asks> the guitarist ASKS. Bon là, j'arrête les frais. La plupart du temps, ce n'est pas de l'anglais mais du français traduit mot à mot à grands coups de dictionnaire ou bien, même pire, avec un traducteur automatique. Il me faudrait tout réécrire et ce n'est pas mon rôle, désolé. Je passe la main. Conseil mille fois répété : NE JAMAIS ÉCRIRE D'ABORD EN FRANÇAIS un texte destiné à l'anglais. Cela devrait pourtant être évident que les deux langues n'obéissent pas aux mêmes règles. OUBLIEZ le français, EFFACEZ le français, ÉCRIVEZ directement en anglais, en PENSANT anglais, VOCABULAIRE anglais, GRAMMAIRE anglaise, TOURNURES anglaises. Composez des phrases courtes de préférence, pas plus de deux propositions et employez des mots de liaison. Au travail.
Fiona766 Posté(e) le 25 février 2008 Auteur Signaler Posté(e) le 25 février 2008 Bonjour, Je vous remercie de votre approche, Je n'arrive pas à penser en anglais pour écrire un texte. C'est terrible. En revanche Monsieur ou Madame, je n'utilise pas de dictionnaire automatique. Voudriez-vous malgré tout me signaler les fautes d'orthographe? Je vous en remercie d'avance. J'ai l'impresssion de vous avoir énervé(e). J'ai relu et rectifié la suite de mon histoire: Fiona. Nevertheless an unpleasant surprise awaits them. (Est-ce posible de mettre to await?) The policemen are on the scene. “What's happening? (That takes place?) Is there a problem?" (Ask for) William asks for."Indeed," answers the sergeant raising his voice. (Est-ce possible ?) "You have no right to be here!!!" "Why?" the guitarist asks "Pack your luggage and leave immediately." "But..." "It is an order!" the man roars "We cannot leave tonight (this night). It is impossible," replied (told) Will, trying to remain calm. (quiet)? "You laugh at me!!!" "Listen, sir. (to) This woman is about to deliver. We can't take any risks,"( we have to take nobody risk,) says Fred, one of the percussionists. "It is not my problem!" the man in uniform answers. Brutally, Marie falls on the ground with a shout of pain. Mad with rage, William roars at (towards)? the policeman, "You are a monster; some day you will pay for this (would pay it to you)!!!" "I will return tomorrow morning and I want these grounds (or this place) empty," he says eventually. (this ground is empty .he eventually says.) "Thank you. It is too kind," murmured Will inarticulately. Some hours later, the young singer is taken (to take) to the hospital of Rennes. She delivers (or gives birth to) a beautiful girl.(puts in the world) The artists settle down in the city (in quoted) until their friend can leave the hospital. Some days later the troop takes to the road again (takes back the road) to continue the tour. "You know about the escape tonight(for the flight of this night)of this police captain." (police captain (commissioner)? I am not sure." "Yes, I am in charge of the affair, moreover I am going to the scene at once." (go on) "I will come with you. (accompany you.) You have an idea of the culprit?" "Possibly..." ( It is possible...) Some moments later both men are (on) returning to police headquarters (commissionership) to view the surveillance video.(of surveillance) In spite of the bad quality of the image, they recognized the police captain, once a(the) thief. "«It is man is the leader of clown's band (strip) whom I transferred other evening! I was right to distrust him. Lieutenant, dispatch (or send out) a wanted bulletin. (notice.) It is necessary to find this hooligan before he flees. (thrown (launched) - At once, boss. ( leader.) A little later, the telephone at police headquarters (of the commissionership) rings. "A person saw our man approximately 5 hours ago in..." The telephone rings again but, "This time our man would be in..." Somebody else asserts having seen him in... "But what's happening? (But what is what takes place!) It is a joke or what (which)?” asks the furious man. During this time, William made a dash for some dinner. (Or William dashed out for some dinner).(race) for the dinner. Suddenly, he hears a police siren (of police), then, "Sir, please follow us." "In the name of the law, you are under arrest,” says a police officer. Once she arrives at (to arrive) police headquarters (commissionership), she tells the police captain of Rennes. Bonjour, Nevertheless an unpleasant surprise IS AwaitING <for> them. The police<men> are on the scene. "<That takes place> WHAT'S GOING ON/WHAT'S THE MATTER? <There> Is THERE a problem?" <Ask for> William ASKS.(pas d'inversion en anglais dans les reprises indirectes) -Indeed, <answers> the sergeant ANSWERS <by going up the voice> LOUDLY/IN A LOUD VOICE. -You have no right to be here!!! -Why? <Asks> the guitarist ASKS. Bon là, j'arrête les frais. La plupart du temps, ce n'est pas de l'anglais mais du français traduit mot à mot à grands coups de dictionnaire ou bien, même pire, avec un traducteur automatique. Il me faudrait tout réécrire et ce n'est pas mon rôle, désolé. Je passe la main. Conseil mille fois répété : NE JAMAIS ÉCRIRE D'ABORD EN FRANÇAIS un texte destiné à l'anglais. Cela devrait pourtant être évident que les deux langues n'obéissent pas aux mêmes règles. OUBLIEZ le français, EFFACEZ le français, ÉCRIVEZ directement en anglais, en PENSANT anglais, VOCABULAIRE anglais, GRAMMAIRE anglaise, TOURNURES anglaises. Composez des phrases courtes de préférence, pas plus de deux propositions et employez des mots de liaison. Au travail.
E-Bahut Jean B Posté(e) le 25 février 2008 E-Bahut Signaler Posté(e) le 25 février 2008 Bonjour Fiona, Détrompe-toi, tu ne m'as pas énervé. C'est simplement que je dis les choses telles que je les pense et dans ton seul intérêt. Nevertheless an unpleasant surprise awaits them. (Est-ce posible de mettre to await?) Oui. The policemen are on the scene. "What's happening? <(That takes place?>) Is there a problem?" <(Ask for)> William asks <for>."Indeed," answers the sergeant <raising his voice. (Est-ce possible ?)> in a loud voice/loudly. <déjà corrigé, attention. "You have no right to be here!!!" "Why?" the guitarist asks. "Pack up <your luggage> and leave immediately." "But..." "It is an order!" the man roars. "We cannot leave tonight <(this night)>. It is impossible," replied <(told)> Will, trying to remain calm. (quiet)? "<You laugh at me!!!> " You must be joking! "Listen, sir. <(to)> This woman is about to <deliver> have her baby. We can't take any risks,"<( we have to take nobody risk,)> says Fred, one of the percussionists. "It is not my problem!" the man in uniform answers. <Brutally> Suddenly, Marie falls on the ground with a shout of pain. Mad with rage, William roars at <(towards)?> the policeman, "You are a monster; some day you will pay for this. <(would pay it to you)!!!"> "I will return tomorrow morning and I want <these grounds (or> this place empty/cleared," he says eventually. <(this ground is empty .he eventually says.)> "Thank you. It is too kind of you," <murmured> Will mumbled <inarticulately>. Some hours later, the young singer is taken <(to take)> to the hospital of Rennes. She <delivers or> gives birth to a beautiful baby girl. <(puts in the world)> The artists settle down in the city <(in quoted)> until their friend can leave the hospital. Some days later the <troop> band take<s> <(nom à sens collectif) to the road again <(takes back the road)> to continue the tour. ["You know about the escape tonight(for the flight of this night)of this police captain." (police captain (commissioner)?] < = Phrase incompréhensible. Qu'as-tu voulu dire ? I am not sure." "Yes, I am in charge of the <affair> case/investigation, moreover I am going to the crime? scene at once." <(go on)> "I <will> am coming with you. <(accompany you.)> Do you have an idea of who the culprit is?" "<Possibly..." ( It is possible...)> Perhaps…. Some moments later both men are <(on) returning> back to the police headquarters <(commissionership)> to view the surveillance video. <(of surveillance)> In spite of the bad quality of the image, they recognized the police captain, once a (the) thief. => Toujours les mêmes défauts récurrents, c'est fatigant et j'abandonne définitivement, désolé. Apparemment, tu ne sais faire que du mot à mot, sans chercher plus loin. Offre-toi ou fais-toi offrir un BON dictionnaire bilingue tel que le Robert & Collins Senior par exemple et fais l'effort de rechercher the right word for the right place. Enfin, simplifie ta mise en page et revois les règles qui régissent l'écriture d'un dialogue. Je crois me souvenir que les guillemets ne sont plus indispensables. Par contre, le tiret est souhaitable pour signaler chaque changement d'interlocuteur. Et on s'y retrouve ainsi plus aisément.
Fiona766 Posté(e) le 25 février 2008 Auteur Signaler Posté(e) le 25 février 2008 Bonjour, Je pensais avoir fait du bon travail en vous soumettant ma correction. J'ai beaucoup de mal en expression. En revanche face à un texte anglais, je m'en sors relativement mieux, je veux parler de la traduction. (Enfin je m'y sens plus à l'aise). Je n'ai pas un très bon dictionnaire et me débrouille avec le Collins à la bibliothèque. Ce devoir n'est pas un exercice facile, je dois le faire avec une camarade de classe, il faut créer une intrigue en une ou deux parties. Je suis désolée que vous ne finissiez pas la correction, vous savez j'apprends aussi beaucoup par la correction, lorsque vous écrivez une expression d'une autre façon en anglais, je regarde et le note sur mes fiches de vocabulaire. C'est important pour moi. Je vous suis reconnaisante, vraiment j'aurais aimé voir mon intrigue corrigée (enfin une partie). Merci tout de même. Fiona. Bonjour Fiona, Détrompe-toi, tu ne m'as pas énervé. C'est simplement que je dis les choses telles que je les pense et dans ton seul intérêt. Nevertheless an unpleasant surprise awaits them. (Est-ce posible de mettre to await?) Oui. The policemen are on the scene. "What's happening? <(That takes place?>) Is there a problem?" <(Ask for)> William asks <for>."Indeed," answers the sergeant <raising his voice. (Est-ce possible ?)> in a loud voice/loudly. <déjà corrigé, attention. "You have no right to be here!!!" "Why?" the guitarist asks. "Pack up <your luggage> and leave immediately." "But..." "It is an order!" the man roars. "We cannot leave tonight <(this night)>. It is impossible," replied <(told)> Will, trying to remain calm. (quiet)? "<You laugh at me!!!> " You must be joking! "Listen, sir. <(to)> This woman is about to <deliver> have her baby. We can't take any risks,"<( we have to take nobody risk,)> says Fred, one of the percussionists. "It is not my problem!" the man in uniform answers. <Brutally> Suddenly, Marie falls on the ground with a shout of pain. Mad with rage, William roars at <(towards)?> the policeman, "You are a monster; some day you will pay for this. <(would pay it to you)!!!"> "I will return tomorrow morning and I want <these grounds (or> this place empty/cleared," he says eventually. <(this ground is empty .he eventually says.)> "Thank you. It is too kind of you," <murmured> Will mumbled <inarticulately>. Some hours later, the young singer is taken <(to take)> to the hospital of Rennes. She <delivers or> gives birth to a beautiful baby girl. <(puts in the world)> The artists settle down in the city <(in quoted)> until their friend can leave the hospital. Some days later the <troop> band take<s> <(nom à sens collectif) to the road again <(takes back the road)> to continue the tour. ["You know about the escape tonight(for the flight of this night)of this police captain." (police captain (commissioner)?] < = Phrase incompréhensible. Qu'as-tu voulu dire ? I am not sure." "Yes, I am in charge of the <affair> case/investigation, moreover I am going to the crime? scene at once." <(go on)> "I <will> am coming with you. <(accompany you.)> Do you have an idea of who the culprit is?" "<Possibly..." ( It is possible...)> Perhaps…. Some moments later both men are <(on) returning> back to the police headquarters <(commissionership)> to view the surveillance video. <(of surveillance)> In spite of the bad quality of the image, they recognized the police captain, once a (the) thief. => Toujours les mêmes défauts récurrents, c'est fatigant et j'abandonne définitivement, désolé. Apparemment, tu ne sais faire que du mot à mot, sans chercher plus loin. Offre-toi ou fais-toi offrir un BON dictionnaire bilingue tel que le Robert & Collins Senior par exemple et fais l'effort de rechercher the right word for the right place. Enfin, simplifie ta mise en page et revois les règles qui régissent l'écriture d'un dialogue. Je crois me souvenir que les guillemets ne sont plus indispensables. Par contre, le tiret est souhaitable pour signaler chaque changement d'interlocuteur. Et on s'y retrouve ainsi plus aisément.
E-Bahut Jean B Posté(e) le 25 février 2008 E-Bahut Signaler Posté(e) le 25 février 2008 Bonsoir, Etant donné que seuls les imbéciles ne changent pas d'avis et sensible à ton argument sur l'utilité de la correction, voici donc la fin du pensum. <"«It> This man is the leader of the clown's <band (strip)> gang whom I transferred the other evening! I was right to distrust him. Lieutenant, <dispatch (or> send out/issue a wanted bulletin. <(notice.)> It is necessary to find this hooligan before he runs away/escapes/flees. <(thrown (launched)> - At once, boss. <( leader.)> A little later, the telephone rings at the police headquarters <(of the commissionership) rings>. "A person saw our man approximately 5 hours ago in..." The telephone rings again but, "This time our man would be in..." Somebody else asserts having seen him in... "But what's happening/what's going on? <(But what is what takes place!)> It is a joke or what (which)?” asks the <furious> man infuriated. <During this time> Meanwhile, William <made a dash for some dinner. (Or William> dashed out for some dinner. <(race) for the dinner.> Suddenly, he hears a police siren <(of police)>, then, "Sir, please follow us." "In the name of the law, you are under arrest,” says a police officer. Once she(??) arrives at <(to arrive)> the police headquarters <(commissionership)>, she(??) tells the police captain of Rennes. * Que vient faire le pronom "she" tout à coup ? A qui renvoie-t-il ? Mystère ! * Evite de mélanger les temps présent<=>passé dans ton texte, sauf si c'est pour le rendre plus vivant. * Débarrasse-toi vite de cette manie qui consiste à proposer plusieurs solutions. Un jour d'examen ou de concours, tu n'auras droit qu'à une seule solution, la bonne de préférence. * Enfin, vérifie TOUJOURS dans la partie anglais-français de ton dictionnaire que le mot choisi correspond bien au sens, à l'acception du terme voulu.
Fiona766 Posté(e) le 25 février 2008 Auteur Signaler Posté(e) le 25 février 2008 Bonsoir, Il est temps d'aller me coucher. Je tenais à vous remercier, en revanche je m'y plongerai demain matin et vous poserez certainement des questions avant d'aller au lycée. Effectivement je n'aime pas utiliser deux temps, je préfèrerais utiliser le passé. Néanmoins dans certaines nouvelles le passé et le présent sont mélangés, j'ai toujours appris qu'un évènement passé est au prétérit. Le pronom 'she' est une ereur de ma part dans la retranscription. Merci beaucoup et bonne fin de soirée. Fiona. Bonsoir, Etant donné que seuls les imbéciles ne changent pas d'avis et sensible à ton argument sur l'utilité de la correction, voici donc la fin du pensum. <"«It> This man is the leader of the clown's <band (strip)> gang whom I transferred the other evening! I was right to distrust him. Lieutenant, <dispatch (or> send out/issue a wanted bulletin. <(notice.)> It is necessary to find this hooligan before he runs away/escapes/flees. <(thrown (launched)> - At once, boss. <( leader.)> A little later, the telephone rings at the police headquarters <(of the commissionership) rings>. "A person saw our man approximately 5 hours ago in..." The telephone rings again but, "This time our man would be in..." Somebody else asserts having seen him in... "But what's happening/what's going on? <(But what is what takes place!)> It is a joke or what (which)?" asks the <furious> man infuriated. <During this time> Meanwhile, William <made a dash for some dinner. (Or William> dashed out for some dinner. <(race) for the dinner.> Suddenly, he hears a police siren <(of police)>, then, "Sir, please follow us." "In the name of the law, you are under arrest," says a police officer. Once she(??) arrives at <(to arrive)> the police headquarters <(commissionership)>, she(??) tells the police captain of Rennes. * Que vient faire le pronom "she" tout à coup ? A qui renvoie-t-il ? Mystère ! * Evite de mélanger les temps présent<=>passé dans ton texte, sauf si c'est pour le rendre plus vivant. * Débarrasse-toi vite de cette manie qui consiste à proposer plusieurs solutions. Un jour d'examen ou de concours, tu n'auras droit qu'à une seule solution, la bonne de préférence. * Enfin, vérifie TOUJOURS dans la partie anglais-français de ton dictionnaire que le mot choisi correspond bien au sens, à l'acception du terme voulu.
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