Correction Rédaction

[CarenHermy]

Bonjour. J'ai une rédaction à faire en anglais, elle est faite, j'aimerais juste savoir si vous pouvez me mettre mes fautes en rouge sans les corriger s'il vous plait et faire des remarques pour améliorer mon travail. J'aime bien avoir des avis extérieurs avant de rendre mes copies.

Merci d'avance. Voilà ma rédaction :

If you went to a foreign country, would you be ready to drop your mother tongue? Do you think your personality would change?

Nowadays, lots of people move to other countries for professional or personal reasons because they want or have to. They sometimes go to other country because theirs is in a difficult political or economic situation and because they want to change their lifestyle. It is also very convenient for students because it is considered as the best way to improve a second language. However, thanks to/because of this switching, some people drop their mother tongue, but, would I be ready to drop mine? Would it change my personality? On the one hand ,I believe I could avoid speaking my mother tongue with the natives of the country in which I live, but in another hand, I wouldn’t be ready to drop it out. For both, my personality would stay the same.

Avoiding speaking a mother tongue is a way to be open minded on what is going on around you, to learn more about another country and to improve this second language. Being able to speak without thinking in your native language is an opportunity we have to seize.

Furthermore, it might psychologically be difficult but it can be a method to feel better and not to remain the “new French girl” in the new country in which we have just arrived. It can permit to grow among the others without being considered as a constant foreigner and to evolve with them. I would be able to avoid speaking my mother tongue to feel more integrated and to avoid facing racism.

However, if I went to a foreign country, I couldn’t be ready to drop it because speaking many languages is convenient and very useful. It is an ability and we have to be proud of our roots, of the place where we come from. For students, being bilingual has become a real advantage today thanks to the globalization.

Moreover, I wouldn’t be ready to drop out my mother tongue. It is something so important in life: it represents a whole culture and a whole past, impossible to drop like if it was a common object. This past, full of memories, full of good and sad times have to be considered and borne in mind.

Keeping my mother tongue, I would feel the same, that’s why my personality wouldn’t change. I would keep sending e-mails and calling my French friends, something indispensable for me. I wouldn’t feel uprooted like if I dropped my mother tongue.

In a nutshell, we can conclude that we can try to avoid speaking our mother tongue but dropping it out is like forgetting a part of ourselves. Everyone must be proud of the place where he/she comes from and never forget it because it is our identity, our roots and a kind of respect for our descendants. About the personality, the loss of our native language might lead to a switching because we must have the feeling to drop our whole life. It would be interesting to wonder whether the immigrants really have the choice to keep their mother tongue or not.

[Jean B]

Bonjour,

Nowadays, lots of people move to other countries for professional or personal reasons because they want or have to. They sometimes go to other country because theirs is in a difficult political or economic situation and because they want to change their lifestyle. It is also very convenient for students because it is considered as the best way to improve a second language. However, thanks to/because of this switching, some people drop their mother tongue, but, would I be ready to drop mine? Would it change my personality? On the one hand, I believe I could avoid speaking my mother tongue with the natives of the country in which I live, but in another hand, I wouldn't be ready to drop it out. For both, my personality would stay the same.

Avoiding speaking a mother tongue is a way to be open-minded on what is going on around you, to learn more about another country and to improve this second language. Being able to speak without thinking in your native language is an opportunity we have to seize.

Furthermore, it might psychologically be difficult but it can be a method to feel better and not to remain the "new French girl" in the new country in which we have just arrived. It can permit to grow among the others without being considered as a constant foreigner and to evolve with them. I would be able to avoid speaking my mother tongue to feel more integrated and to avoid facing racism.

However, if I went to a foreign country, I couldn't be ready to drop it because speaking many languages is convenient and very useful. It is an ability and we have to be proud of our roots, of the place where we come from. For students, being bilingual has become a real advantage today thanks to the globalization.

Moreover, I wouldn't be ready to drop out my mother tongue. It is something so important in life: it represents a whole culture and a whole past, impossible to drop like if it was a common object. This past, full of memories, full of good and sad times have to be considered and borne in mind.

Keeping my mother tongue, I would feel the same, that's why my personality wouldn't change. I would keep sending e-mails and calling my French friends, something indispensable for me. I wouldn't feel uprooted like if I dropped my mother tongue.

In a nutshell, we can conclude that we can try to avoid speaking our mother tongue but dropping it out is like forgetting a part of ourselves. Everyone must be proud of the place where he/she comes from and never forget it because it is our identity, our roots and a kind of respect for our descendants. About the personality, the loss of our native language might lead to a switching because we must have the feeling to drop our whole life. It would be interesting to wonder whether the immigrants really have the choice to keep their mother tongue or not.

* Une seule chose me gêne un peu dans ton travail, le passage du pronom you à we quand tu généralises. Veille à employer le même. C'est pourquoi j'ai rougi you en raison de l'emploi beaucoup plus fréquent de we/us/our dans ton travail et particulièrement dans le dernier paragraphe de conclusion.

Par ailleurs, qu'est devenu ton travail précédent "Essay about privacy" du 31-01 ?

Keep up the good work!

[CarenHermy]

Merci pour votre correction, j'ai honte des fautes que je viens de faire, c'est vraiment des fautes de débutants !!

Enfin bref, sinon pour mon "Essay about privacy", elle ne nous a toujours pas rendu les copies, d'ailleurs on en attend d'autres mais je n'ai pas pu corriger les fautes, j'ai du le rendre avant. On verra bien, je vous tiens tout de même au courrant.

Je vais corriger mes pronoms pour que mon travail soit plus précis. Comme quoi ça sert toujours d'avoir un avis.

Encore merci, bonne soirée !!!

[CarenHermy]

Coucou !

Notre professeur nous a rendu les copies aujourd'hui et j'ai eu ... 18/20 à celle-ci :-) !! Merci beaucoup de votre aide ! Il me restait 4 fautes mais pas grand chose :

in order to stay : in order to remain

thanks to the globalization : thanks to globalization

impossibe to drop like if it was a common object : impossibe to drop as if it was a common object

i wouldn't feel uprooted like if I dropped my mother tongue : i wouldn't feel uprooted as if I dropped my mother tongue

Voilà ^^ Merci à nouveau

[Jean B]

Coucou !

Notre professeur nous a rendu les copies aujourd'hui et j'ai eu ... 18/20 à celle-ci :-) !! Merci beaucoup de votre aide ! Il me restait 4 fautes mais pas grand chose :

in order to stay : in order to remain

thanks to the globalization : thanks to globalization

impossibe to drop like if it was a common object : impossibe to drop as if it was a common object

i wouldn't feel uprooted like if I dropped my mother tongue : i wouldn't feel uprooted as if I dropped my mother tongue

Voilà ^^ Merci à nouveau

[yveslouis]

Les fautes, c'est comme les champignons : quand il y en trop, on en laisse forcément quand on quitte la forêt !

[CarenHermy]

Ce n'est pas une honte JRB, personne n'est infaillible et ce n'est pas très grave, pas de soucis !

Pour Anglais, je pense que tu pourrais être un peu plus sympa, je ne pense pas avoir fait tant de fautes. De plus, tous les élèves de 1ère n'auraient peut-être pas fait un travail de plus de 500 mots avec seulement ces fautes. Je me permet de dire cela quand je vois les copies de certains qui n'alignent pas deux mots en anglais.

Mon anglais n'est pas parfait, certes, mais ce n'est pas non plus une catastrophe.

Merci JRB ^^ !

[Jean B]

Ce n'est pas une honte JRB, personne n'est infaillible et ce n'est pas très grave, pas de soucis !

Pour Anglais, je pense que tu pourrais être un peu plus sympa, je ne pense pas avoir fait tant de fautes. De plus, tous les élèves de 1ère n'auraient peut-être pas fait un travail de plus de 500 mots avec seulement ces fautes. Je me permet de dire cela quand je vois les copies de certains qui n'alignent pas deux mots en anglais.

Mon anglais n'est pas parfait, certes, mais ce n'est pas non plus une catastrophe.

Merci JRB ^^ !

[yveslouis]

Ce n'est pas une honte JRB, personne n'est infaillible et ce n'est pas très grave, pas de soucis !

Pour Anglais, je pense que tu pourrais être un peu plus sympa, je ne pense pas avoir fait tant de fautes. De plus, tous les élèves de 1ère n'auraient peut-être pas fait un travail de plus de 500 mots avec seulement ces fautes. Je me permet de dire cela quand je vois les copies de certains qui n'alignent pas deux mots en anglais.

Mon anglais n'est pas parfait, certes, mais ce n'est pas non plus une catastrophe.

Merci JRB ^^ !

[Jean B]

JRB got it right : I didn't mean to hurt you... (Gosh! That would make a nice song, wouldn't it?)