Corrigé De Rédaction

[tom's]

[tom's]

Bonjour, excuser moi g envoyer au lieu de prévusualiser! Merci pour votre aide !

donc voici le suje de la rédaction:

et voici la rédatcion :

The first day when we was just coming at the hotel in Canada, my mum said I was allowed to went

at the swiming pool alone, but I didn't have to left the hotel alone. At night we went to the

restaurant, we saw a sign : '' Today Canadians Specialites '' I didn't like them ! The next day we

went in Montreal, It was a big city , with a lot of modern building whereas Paris who is an old city

withbig houses and a lot of monuments. In Canada the tourist had to respect the environement, the

city's are very clean. The third day we went to saw whales it was very impressionant, but we can't

cant stay a long time because the weather are very poor, so we vent to the underground city. I ad

bought new shoes. An other day i'd like to saw the CN tower, and i'd love to saw the northem light

but it was impossible because we are in summer and you can see the northem light only in winter !

Conclusion after 3 days in canada : I think it was a very nice country and you can saw a lot of

beautiful paysages and the inhabitant are very nice and welcome !

Merci Beaucoup pour votre aide !!

[yveslouis]

Hello!

The first day when we <was just coming> HAD JUST ARRIVED at the hotel in Canada, my mum said I was allowed to <went> (Oh!!!) GO <at> TO the swiming pool alone, but I didn't have to(1) <left> (Oh!!!) LEAVE the hotel alone. At night we went to the restaurant, (Pourquoi ne pas commencer une nouvelle phrase, ici ?) we saw a sign : '' Today Canadian<s> Specialites '' I didn't like them ! The next day we went <in> TO Montreal, It was a big city , with a lot of modern building whereas Paris <who> WHICH is an old city with big houses and a lot of monuments. (Ta phrase est mal construite, à moins que tu remplaces "whereas" par "contrary to"). In Canada <the> touristS <had> HAVE to respect the environ<e>ment, (Pourquoi ne pas commencer une nouvelle phrase, ici ?) the city's are very clean. <The> ON THE third day we went to <saw> (Oh!!!) SEE whales (Pourquoi ne pas commencer une nouvelle phrase, ici ?) it was very <impressionant> IMPRESSIVE, but we <can't> (à mettre au PRETERIT ) <cant> (C'est l'écho ? ) stay FOR a long time because the weather <are> WAS very poor, so we <vent> WENT to the underground city. I ad (??? Si tu voulais mettre "had", il vaut mieux y renoncer et garder seulement "bought" qui est le preterit.) bought new shoes. <An other> ON ANOTHER day <i'd like> I WANTED to <saw>(Oh!!!) SEE the CN tower, and <i'd love> I WOULD HAVE LOVED to <saw>(Oh!!!) SEE the <northem> NORTHERN light but it was impossible because we <are> WERE in summer and you can see the <northem> NORTHERN light only in winter !

Conclusion after 3 days in Canada : I think it was (It still is ! ) a very nice country and you can <saw> (Oh!!!) SEE a lot of beautiful <paysages> LANDSCAPES and the inhabitantS are very nice and <welcome> ! (Ce sont EUX les bienvenus ?! ) WELCOMING / FRIENDLY.

(1) Es-tu sûr de vouloir marquer l'ABSENCE D'OBLIGATION ? Ne serait-ce pas plutôt l'INTERDICTION ? (…BUT I WASN'T ALLOWED TO…)

Beaucoup de fautes graves. Je ne serais pas étonné d'en avoir laissé quelques unes. Tu as de grosses lacunes qu'il te faut essayer de combler en faisant beaucoup d'exercices. Achète-toi une grammaire avec exercices corrigés.

Je ne pense pas que tu aies respecté toutes les obligations du devoir (le passif, make ou let…)

@+

[tom's]

Merci beaucoup !