Petite Correction

[miss-sophie]

Bonsoir,

Voilà, étant en seconde notre professeur d'anglais nous a demandé de rédiger un conte dans lequel il devait y avoir des répétitions, des verbes irréguliers et nottament une fin heureuse avec si possible une morale...Je l'ai donc écrit et traduit en anglais. Problème: je pense avoir fait énormement de fautes c'est pourquoi j'aurais aimé que vous me corriger mes fautes en espérant ne pas trop trop vous déranger...

Once upon a time, there was a prince whose name was James. The later was the most beautiful man of the village. James was renowned to be a seductor prefered the woman's beauty to their mental that explained so that he didn't arrived to have a relationship serious and he was single.

One late day, while he came back to hunting, he (aperçevoir ) a tower who he intrigued and so he decided to approach.

When, stunned and stupefied, he caught sight the sublime woman's shade. Pressed of the time, he couldn't look at her curves longe but he took the decision to back as possible. Besides, from the (levée?) of sunshine, he introduce himself bottom of the tower to meet again "his lady". Surprised to see that she wasn't here but persevering he decided to come back there later in the Monday's night. The moment come, while there were frightening wind, James (se précipita?) to the house of his beloved who was always in the half-light. The beautiful man, with a soft voice say her: "As you seen me so pretty, if you want to bring of warm to my heart, show-me your so lovely eyes!"

The young woman approach without never say and show him her eyes.

James was so happy and enthusiast at idea to see this woman's beauty that he decided to come back here each dayin order to conquer this woman so perfect for him. So, tuesday he came back and say him: " As you seen me so pretty, if you want to bring of warm to my heart, show-me your charming ears!" The young woman approach without never say and show him her ears.

Then Wednesday, always in a frazing cold, he say him:"As you seen me so pretty, if you want to bring of warm to my heart, show-me your smile so sensual!" The young woman approach without never say and show him her smile.

Thursday, he asked her: "As you seen me so pretty, if you want to bring of warm to my heart, show-me your small nose!" The young woman approach without never say and show him her nose.

Friday, like to his habit, he say her:"As you seen me so pretty, if you want to bring of warm to my heart, show-me your hair so silky!" The young woman approach without never say and show him her hair.

At last, Saturday he ask to his sweet: "As you seen me so pretty, if you want to bring of warm to my heart, show-me your hands so (fragile?)!"The young woman approach without never say and show him her hands.

Then, after a week, he decided to say her: "As you seen me so pretty, if you want to bring of warm to my heart, reveal you in your whole!" After hesitating for a few minutes, the young woman did her apparition. Suddenly, James discovered with horror the face of the woman. (En effet?) that he didn't know James was what is woman, called ''Greta'' was the uglyer of village, she was physically unattractive, (rejetté?) by a large persons, she had decided to shelter in a land far away so as to avoid continual and wounding mockings.

The young woman replied with a sweet and sentive voice: "You are the first person to come see me. Nobody didn't do a so beautiful declaration. In spite of, I show in your face your disappointement and I knew that your love for me will not lost. I am much too terrifying. (fuis?), you don't the first man to hurt me.

Luckily, the princedidn't leave, in fact, James was attached to this woman so sensitive and moving and replied him:

" I don't want to leave. You have me open the eyes, thanks to you I changed and I have enormous feelings for you!"

James ran to the woman and kiss her languorously. A few later month, the prince and his future princess got married. They had lots of children and lived happily ever after life.

This beautiful story of love, so we showed that physical don't an argument essential to found a couple, the mental and the (sentiments?) are lots of important and this is what James understood during this period...

Voilà c'est enfin terminé, j'espère que vous pourrez m'accorder un peu de votre temps pour corriger tout cela (au plus vite) meme si je suis consciente que c'est assez long...en vous remerçiant d'avance

Bonne soirée

[JuMae]

Coucou =)

N'ayant rien à faire un dimanche matin jvais essayer de corriger tes fautes :P

Once upon a time, there was a prince whose name was James. He was the most handsome man of the village. James was knowed to be a seductor who prefered the beauty of the women to their mental that explained he didn't arrived to have a serious relationship so he was unmarried.

One late day, while he came back to hunting, he saw a tower which intrigued him, so he decided to approach.

When, stunned and stupefied, he caught sight of a sublime woman's shade. Pressed of the time, he couldn't look at her longs curves but he took the decision to back as possible. The next day, from the sunrise, he went again to the tower in order to meet "his lady". Surprised to see that she wasn't here, he persevered and decided to come back again more later, in the Monday's night. The moment came ; there was frightening wind, and the night was realy dark (effet de suspense :P). James rushed himself to the house of his beloved which was always in the half-light. The handsome man, with a soft voice said to her: "As you seen me so pretty, if you want to bring warm in my heart, show-me your so pretty eyes!" The young woman approached without never saying and showed him her eyes.

James was so happy and enthusiast at the idea to see this pretty woman that he decided to come back here every day in order to conquer this so perfect woman. So, On Tuesday, he came back and said again to her : " As you seen me so pretty, if you want to bring warm in my heart, show-me your charming ears!" The young woman approached without never saying and show him her ears.

On the later Wednesday, always in a frazing cold, he said again to her : "As you seen me so pretty, if you want to bring warm in my heart, show-me your so lovely smile !" The young woman approached without never saying and show him her smile.

Thursday, he asked her: "As you seen me so pretty, if you want to bring warm in my heart, show-me your small nose!" The young woman approached without never saying and show him her nose.

Friday, as the other days, he called her : "As you seen me so pretty, if you want to bring of warm to my heart, show-me your hair so silky! " The young woman approached without never saying and show him her hair.

On Saturday he cames again and ask to his sweet voice : "As you seen me so pretty, if you want to bring warm in my heart, show-me your so fragile hands!" The young woman approached without never saying and show him her hands.

It was now a week that James has meet this wonderfull lady, so he decided to say her: "As you seen me so pretty, if you want to bring warm in my heart, reveal you in your whole!" After hesitation for a few minutes, the young woman made her apparition. Suddenly, James discovered with horror the face of the woman. Indeed, James didn't know thath this woman, called ''Greta'', was the most uglyer people of village, she was physically unattractive, throw back by many people, ans she had decided to take shelter in tihs tower to avoid continual and wounding mockeries.

The young woman replied with a sweet and sentive voice: "You are the first person who come see me. Nobody didn't do a so beautiful declaration. In spite of that, I show in your face your disappointement when you've saw me and I knew that your love for me will not lost. I am really too ugly. Get out, you don't the first man to hurt me."

Luckily, the prince didn't leave ; in fact, James was attached to this woman so sensitive and moving and answer her:

" I don't want to leave. You have open my eyes and thanks to you, I've changed and I have enormous feelings for you!"

James ran to the woman and kiss her langourously. A few later month, the prince and his future princess got married. They had lots of children and lived happily for all their life.

This is a beautiful love story, which we showed that physical isn't an argument essential to found a couple, the mental and the feelings are very important and this is what James understood during this period...

Ton sujet est très mignon et je pense que ton prof va aimer =)

J'espère t'avoir aidé

Bisous

[Jean B]

Bonjour,

Once upon a time, there was a prince whose name was James. HE was the most beautiful man IN the village. James was renowned FOR BEING a seducER. HE preferRed (0) womEn's beauty to their mentalITY, WHICH<(= ce qui) explained WHY he COULDn't MANAGE to have a SERIOUS<(adjectif AVANT le nom, crénom !) relationship and he was single.

One day, LATE AT NIGHT, ON HIS WAYback FROM hunting, he COULD SEE a tower whICH<(antécédent de chose) intrigued HIM, so he decided to approach.

When, stunned and stupefied, he caught sight OF A sublime woman's shadOW. BEING IN A HURRY, he couldn't look at her LONG<(adjectif AVANT, à copier 100 fois) curves but he took the decision to COME back as SOON AS possible. Besides, AT sunRISE, he GOT INTO THE bottom of the tower to meet "his lady" again. Surprised to see that she wasn't There but persevering he decided to come backlater On the Monday(0) night. WHEN THE TIME cAme, AS A frightening wind WAS BLOWING, James RUSHED to his beloved'S HOUSE whICH was STILL in A half-light. The beautiful man, with a soft voice TOLD her: "As you LOOK so pretty TO ME, if you want to bring SOME warmTH INto my heart, show(0)me your so lovely eyes!"

The young woman approachED without Ever sayING A WORD and showED him her eyes.

James was so happy and enthusiastIC at THE idea OF seeING this woman's beauty that he decided to come back here EVERY day in order to conquer this woman so perfect for him. So he came back ON Tuesday and TOLD HER: " As you LOOK so pretty TO ME, if you want to bring SOME warmTH IN to my heart, show(0) me your charming ears!" The young woman approachED without Ever sayING A WORD and showED him her ears.

Then ON Wednesday, always in a frEEzing cold, he TOLD HER:

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

=> A partir de là, je considère que j'en ai fait assez et j'abandonne.

Tu n'as qu'à reprendre mes corrections et les reporter sur la suite de ton récit.

J'ai le regret de te signaler que tu commets des fautes indignes d'un niveau de Seconde, même si tu n'en es qu'à la fin du premier trimestre.

Dernier conseil et non le moindre : à l'avenir, évite d'écrire d'abord en français un texte dont la finalité est d'être écrit en anglais.

Non seulement c'est absurde, mais c'est une perte de temps qui te fait commettre en plus et forcément des tas d'impropriétés.

Pour au moins une raison évidente : l'anglais n'obéit pas aux mêmes règles que celles qui régissent le français.

Essaye donc de te concentrer sur le fait que tu écris de l'anglais et non du français.

Bonne chance.

[miss-sophie]

Bonjour,

Je tenais à vous remercier tous les deux d'avoir consacrer du temps à cette correction, cela me sera très utile car j'ai vu qu'il y avait énormement d'erreurs . D'ailleurs, première bonne résolution en anglais: ne plus copier le texte en français et ensuite le traduire, réfléchir davantage...

Merci encore et bonne journée...

[yveslouis]

Je ne peux que renchérir sur les excellents conseils de Jean :

Ne fais pas de phrases trop longues. Deux propositions suffisent amplement. Essaye de "penser" en anglais. Mets quelques mots, qui seront un mini plan, sur une feuille de papier, puis rédige en anglais.

@+