Correction...(devoir Pour Demain)

[berrylove]

Bonjour,

Pourriez vous corriger les fautes me dire si il aurait quelques trucs à ajouter svp ?

Sujet : Should TV be educational ?

Television appears during the twentieth century. It is an entertainment's object for all years, but who present a lot of disadvantage, like the violence. They could wonder then if the TV should be a tool of education and how to arrive there ?

Television became an indispensable tool in a home.Everybody looks TV, notably the children. They look cartoons all the day, because on the TV there are a lot of channels of cartoons like Canal J, Disney Channel, Teletoons etc...

The children are enthralled by the characters of these cartoons which become their idol. These characters became then a source of trade. The children get dressed of these characters, plays with these characters and see only by them. But, it brings no knowledge. Therefore, television needs educatives programs.

Television must become a source of information and knowledge for children and teenagers. there are already educatives channels but not enough.

Moreover, the programs of this channels aren't very interessant. This channels suggest too much programs on the animals. They should suggest programs on the life, on the science, the history etc...

And for the children, they should present educative games.

Also, the TV shows a lot of violent films who shouldn't be diffuse, being poor for the sensitive souls.

In conclusion, the TV should be a source of information, and education rather than a source of violence for the young people and adults.

For that, the TV became educatives, it needed educatives programs, educatives gales, documentary films and much less violent films.

Merci.

[yveslouis]

Hello!

I hope you're not in bed yet.

Here are a few hints :

Television <appears> APPEARED (1) during the twentieth century. It is an entertainment<'s object for all years> FOR EVERYBODY, but <who> WHICH presentS a lot of disadvantageS, like <the> violence. <They> ONE could wonder then if <the> TV should be <<a tool of education > AN EDUCATIONAL TOOL and how to <arrive there> MANAGE THAT ?

Television <became> HAS BECOME (2) an indispensable tool in a home.Everybody <looks> WATCHES TV, notably <the> children. They <look> WATCH cartoons all <the> day LONG, because <on the TV> there are a lot of CARTOON channels <of cartoons> ON T.V (3) like Canal J, Disney Channel, Teletoons etc...

<The> (4) children are enthralled by the characters of these cartoons which become their idolS. THEN These characters became <then> a source of trade. <The> (4) children get dressed (???) of these characters, play<s> with these characters and see only by them. But, it (TELEVISION ?) brings no knowledge. Therefore, television needs <educatives> EDUCATIONAL (5) programs.

Television must become a source of information and knowledge for children and teenagers. there are already <educatives> EDUCATIONAL (5) channels but not enough.

Moreover, the programs of <this> THESE (6) channels aren't very <interessant> INTERESTING (7). <This> THESE channels <suggest> OFFER too <much> MANY programs on <the> ( idem 4) animals. They should <suggest> OFFER programs on <the> life, on <the> science, <the> history etc...

And for the children, they should present educative games.

Also, <the> TV shows a lot of violent films <who> WHICH (8) shouldn't be <diffuseD> BROADCAST, being poor (???) for <the> sensitive souls.

In conclusion, <the> TV should be a source of information<,> and education rather than a source of violence for the young people and adults.

<For> TO DO that, <the> TV <became> (9) HAS TO BECOME <educatives> EDUCATIONAL , it <needed>(9) NEEDS <educatives> EDUCATIONAL programs, <educatives> EDUCATIONAL gales (???), documentary films and much less violent films.

(1) Action datée ET terminée

(2) Bilan présent d'une action passée

(3) C.O.D AVANT les autres compléments

(4) Les enfants (en général) > PAS D'ARTICLE

(5) Pas de "s" aux adjectifs

(6) "this" est le singulier ; "these" est le pluriel

(7) erreur fréquente à éviter à tout prix !

(8) "who" est réservé aux personnes

(9) Pourquoi un preterit ?

@+

[berrylove]

Merci bcp.

[yveslouis]

You're welcome!