Correction

[anais121]

pourriez vous me corriger mon expression s'il vous plait?

Then it should make savings in water, by collecting rainwater to sprinkle the plants, to take showers instead of baths. And from the shorter showers bus water will become rare in several years. The man cannot stop the dryness but it can preserve water to attenuate the dryness because the dryness makes fires and thus destroyed nature. Then the man should become aware of all waste which they leave in nature. Waste pollutes because they put million years to be destroyed. Today there is the selectif sorting thus the man should make the selective sorting because that would make it possible to recycle papers, glasses etc.... They should also use the dustbins of the streets instead of leaving them by ground.

They should also pay attention to their daily gestures. The domestic products, the bombs aerosols are very dangerous for the layer of ozone. They pollute planets with all their molecules which destroys planet.

[yveslouis]

Hello !

Here's a little help :

"Then it should make savings in water, by collecting rainwater to sprinkle the plants, to take showers instead of baths. "

--"should" marque un conseil. je pense que tu voudrais mettre un conditionnel (="would")

--Selon ta construction, l'eau de pluie récoltée servira non seulement à arroser les plantes, mais aussi à prendre des douches !!! Voulais-tu vraiment dire cela ?

Qui est ce "it" ?

Je propose :

Then it would save water, by collecting rainwater to water the plants and having showers instead of baths.

"And from the shorter showers bus water will become rare in several years. "

Je ne comprends pas le sens de ta phrase.

Pour la fin, je pense qu'il faut dire "in a few years" (="dans quelques années"). Pour le reste, peut-être : "Since it rains less and less, water will become rare in a few years."

"The man cannot stop the dryness but it can preserve water to attenuate the dryness because the dryness makes fires and thus destroyed nature. "

Attention à l'emploi de "the" qui ne doit servir que si ce dont on parle est vraiment déterminé. Regarde qussi quelques modifications que j'ai faites.

Je propose :

Man cannot stop dryness but he can preserve water to attenuate dryness which is the main cause of fires which destroy nature.

"Then the man should become aware of all waste which they leave in nature. "

"man est singulier, donc le verbe doit être au singulier aussi.

Je propose :

Then, man should become aware of all the waste he leaves in nature.

Waste pollutes because they put million years to be destroyed.

"waste" est singulier. Pourquoi dire "they put..." ?

"millions of years" Tu y vas un peu fort, non ? ;o)

Je propose :

Waste pollutes and it takes thousands of years to be destroyed.

"Today there is the selectif sorting thus the man should make the selective sorting because that would make it possible to recycle papers, glasses etc...."

Ta phrase dit deux fois la même chose. C'est dommage.

Je propose :

Man should sort his rubbish, which would make it possible to recycle paper, glass, etc...

"They should also use the dustbins of the streets instead of leaving them by ground."

Je propose :

He should also use the dustbins in the streets instead of leaving rubbish on the ground.

"They should also pay attention to their daily gestures. "

Je propose :

He should also pay attention to his everyday behaviour.

The domestic products, the bombs aerosols are very dangerous for the layer of ozone.

Idem pour l'article "the". Il faut apprendre à s'en méfier !

Je propose :

Domestic products and sprays are very dangerous for the ozone layer.

("ozone" est un nom qui qualifie "layer". Il doit donc passer devant.)

"They pollute planets with all their molecules which destroys planet."

Je propose :

They pollute the planet with all their molecules and they destroy it.

Il te faut ajouter une courte conclusion.

Je joins une liste de mots de liaison qui pourront t'être utiles à l'avenir.

@ +

MOTS DE LIAISON :

to begin with = pour commencer

then = puis

besides/moreover = de plus

thus = ainsi

therefore = en conséquence

finally = enfin

in short = bref,..

all things considered = tout compte fait

to recap = en résumé

to conclude / in conclusion = pour conclure

I'd say that = je dirais que

it seems to me that = il me semble que

as for = quant à

according to = d'après (quelqu'un d'autre que moi)

to my mind = à mon avis

how can I put it = comment dire...

mind you (familier) = remarquez...

what I mean is that = ce que je veux dire, c'est que

the point is (that) = le fait est que

in other words = autrement dit

that is to say = c'est-à-dire

actually = en réalité, en fait

in fact = en fait

in a way = en un sens

to a certain extent = dans une certaine mesure

anyway = en tous cas

as a rule = en règle générale

generally speaking = en général

on the whole = dans l'ensemble

on the one hand = d'une part / d'un côté

on the other hand = d'autre part / d'un autre côté

still = quand même / tout de même

yet = pourtant

however = cependant

on the contrary = au contraire

in spite of = en dépit de / malgré

by the way = au fait...

that reminds me = ça me fait penser......