Réponses De L'office De Tourisme D'australie

[Invité]

Dieu a dit :

- Il faut pacifier. Il faut désarmer.

Bush a compris :

- Il faut pas s'y fier. Il faut des armées.

The questions below about Australia, are from potential visitors. They

>were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the

>actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense

of >humour.

>

>

>Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain onTV,

>how do the plants grow? (UK).

>A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching

>them die.

>

>Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)

>A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

>

>Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad

>tracks? (Sweden)

>A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

>

>Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)

>A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

>

>Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a

>list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)

>A: What did your last slave die of?

>

>Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?

>(USA)

>A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.

>Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does

>not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in

>Kings Cross. Come naked.

>

>Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)

>A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here

>and we'll send the rest of the directions.

>

>Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)

>A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

>

>Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

>A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which

>is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday

night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

>

>Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)

>A: You are a British politician, right?

>

>Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year

>round? (Germany)

>A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk

is illegal.

>

>Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense

>rattlesnake serum. (USA)

>A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All

>Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and

make good pets.

>

>Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget

>its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)

>A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of

>Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You

can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out

>walking.

>

>Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)

>A: No, WE don't stink.

>

>Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can

you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)

> A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

>

>Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population

>is smaller than the male population? (Italy)

>A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

>

>Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)

>A: Only at Christmas.

>

>Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I

>dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)

>A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

>

>Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

>A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

[clems]

je crois que c'est parce que c'était écrit en anglais que personne a répondu...

[yveslouis]

Hello !

Voici une traduction de certaines des questions-réponses :

De potentiels visiteurs pour l'Australie ont posé ces questions et obtenu ces réponses.

Le tout est véridique.

(La version originale est plus bas.)

Q- Fait-il parfois du vent en Australie ? Je n'ai jamais vu pleuvoir à la télé. Comment les plantes poussent-elles ? (UK).

R- Nous importons des plantes adultes et restons assis là à les voir mourir.

Q- Est-ce que je pourrai voir des kangourous dans la rue ? (USA)

R- Cela dépend de combien d'alcool vous aurez bu.

Q- Je veux marcher de Perth à Sydney ; puis-je suivre la voie ferrée ? (Suède)

R- Bien sûr, il n'y a que 4.000 km ; prenez beaucoup d'eau.

Q- Peut-on parcourir le "bush" en toute sécurité en Australie ? (Suède)

R- C'est vrai ce qu'on dit des suédois ? (qu'ils sont bêtes.)

Q- Y a-t-il des distributeurs automatiques de billets en Australie ? Pouvez-vous m'en envoyer la liste pour Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville et Hervey Bay?

R- De quoi est mort votre dernier esclave ?

Q- Dans quelle direction est le nord en Australie ? (USA)

R- Tournez-vous vers le sud puis tournez de 180degrés. Contactez-nous quand vous y serez ; nous vous donnerons le reste des informations.

Q- Pouvez-vous me renseigner sur les courses d'hippopotames en Australie ?

R- L'A-fri-que est ce grand continent en forme de triangle au sud de l'Europe.

L'Aus-tra-lie est cette grande île au milieu du Pacifique qui ne... Oh, oubliez çà ! Bien sûr que oui, les courses d'hippopotames ont lieu chaque mardi soir à King Cross. Venez nu !

Q- Puis-je apporter des couverts en Australie ? (UK)

R- Pourquoi faire ? Servez-vous de vos doigts comme nous.

Q- Puis-je porter des talons hauts en Australie ?

R- Vous êtes un homme politique britannique, n'est-ce pas ?

Q- Y a-t-il des supermarchés à Sydney et est-ce que le lait est disponible toute l'année ? (Allemagne)

R- Non, nous sommes une civilisation pacifique de végétariens. Le lait est prohibé.

Q- Veuillez m'envoyer une liste des médecins australiens qui peuvent fournir du sérum contre les morsures de serpents à sonnette.

R- Les serpents à sonnette vivent aux États-unis, d'où vous venez. Les serpents australiens sont parfaitement inoffensifs, peuvent être manipulés en toute sécurité et peuvent être de bons animaux de compagnie.

Q- J'ai une question à propos d'un animal célèbre en Australie, mais j'ai oublié son nom. C'est une sorte d'ours et ça vit dans les arbres.

R- On l'appelle "Drop-Bear" (ours qui tombe). On les appelle ainsi parce qu'ils tombent des arbres appelés gommiers et mangent le cerveau de quiconque passe dessous. On peut leur faire peur en s'enduisant d'urine humaine avant d'aller se promener.

Q- Avez-vous des parfums en Australie ? (France)

R- Non ! Nous, nous ne puons pas.

Q- J'ai mis au point un nouveau produit qui est la "Fontaine de Jouvence". Pouvez-vous me dire où je peux le vendre en Australie ? (USA)

R- Partout où un nombre important d'américains se retrouvent.

Q- Pouvez-vous me dire les régions de Tasmanie où la population féminine est moins importante que la population masculine ? (Italie)

R- Oui, dans les boîtes de nuit "gay".

Q- Célébrez-vous Noël en Australie ? (France)

R- Oui, mais seulement à Noël.

Q- Pourrai-je parler anglais dans les plupart des endroits QUE je vais ? (USA)

R- Oui, mais il vous faudra l'apprendre d'abord.

Version anglaise :

The questions below about Australia, are from potential visitors. They

>were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the

>actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense

of >humour.

>

>

>Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain onTV,

>how do the plants grow? (UK).

>A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching

>them die.

>

>Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)

>A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

>

>Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad

>tracks? (Sweden)

>A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

>

>Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)

>A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

>

>Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a

>list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)

>A: What did your last slave die of?

>

>Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?

>(USA)

>A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.

>Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does

>not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in

>Kings Cross. Come naked.

>

>Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)

>A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here

>and we'll send the rest of the directions.

>

>Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)

>A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

>

>Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

>A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which

>is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday

night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

>

>Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)

>A: You are a British politician, right?

>

>Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year

>round? (Germany)

>A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk

is illegal.

>

>Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense

>rattlesnake serum. (USA)

>A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All

>Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and

make good pets.

>

>Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget

>its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)

>A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of

>Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You

can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out

>walking.

>

>Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)

>A: No, WE don't stink.

>

>Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can

you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)

> A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

>

>Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population

>is smaller than the male population? (Italy)

>A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

>

>Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)

>A: Only at Christmas.

>

>Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I

>dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)

>A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

>

>Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

>A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

@+