Votre aide pour corriger mon texte.

[Anglais A]

Bonjour à tous, 

 

alors voilà, j'ai terminer mon texte et j'aurais besoin de vous pour m'aider à le corriger. Bonne lecture!

 

Hello everyone I would like to start this oral presentation with a quote from Nelson Mendela : “Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world “. So, as you understand I’m going to talk about education, this is a topic very important for me because I want to become teacher in primary school.

So, my question is Why I would like to work in education?

 Education is very important to all of us. Our parents make us learn many things at home and then send us to school after age of three years. Our home is first education institute where we learn how to behave to others and other skills however school education is very necessary to be successful in practical life. I would like to give you my definition of school education:    

For me school education allows a child to, see the diversity of the world, and take an interest in many topics. And especially for me Education has the power to get the child off the wrong track that leads to poverty. Our adult life and our place in society depend on our education, which builds and consolidates our entire existence. Education is the key to human development and guides chldren's steps towards a better life. 
More Education is also an important subject for me because I know what the lack of school education can cause in France for example my grandparents who immigrated to France did not have access to a school education, so they felt rejected by the society. But although time has passed this problem still exists yet. 

 

Indeed today in the world they are 250 million of children in the world can neither read nor write; 781 million of adults are illiterate.  Of the 781 million illiterate adults in the world, 70% are women. And Education also has an effect on infant mortality. Indeed a child whose mother knows read have 50% more chances of surviving beyond her fifth year. Because an educated woman are better informed about disease and can prevent them and recognize early symptoms

So to answer at the question I would to work in education , because for me education has an important power cause I am persuaded that many problems in the world can be resolve with education For example some diseases such as AIDS can be reduced through school prevention courses,

More  Education gives women the ability to overcome discrimination, the autonomy to decide, to choose, to say no. An educated girl has weapons to fight against violence to fight against early pregnancies to refuse forced marriages. And I think that a school education helps to have self-confidence. It is for those reasons I want to do  this job. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Jean B]

Bonsoir,

Il y a 1 heure, Anglais A a dit :

Bonjour à tous, 

Alors voilà, j'ai termineré <participe passé mon texte et j'aurais besoin de vous pour m'aider à le corriger. Bonne lecture !

Hello everyone I would like to start this oral presentation with a quote from Nelson Mendela : “Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world “. So, as you understand I’m going to talk about education, this is a topic very important <L'adjectif épithète toujours avant le nom> topic for me because I want to become a primary school teacher <Le nom composé est très usité en anglais in primary school.

So, my question is Why I would I like to work in education? <auxiliaire + sujet + base verbale dans la question

 Education is very important to all of us. Our parents make us learn many things at home and then send us to school after the age of three years. Our home is a first education institute where we learn how to behave to others and other skills however school education is very necessary to be successful in practical life. I would like to give you my definition of school education:    

For me school education allows a child to see the diversity of the world and take an interest in many topics. And especially for me Education has the power to get the child off the wrong track that leads to poverty. Our adult life and our place in society depend on our education which builds and consolidates our entire existence. Education is the key to human development and guides children's steps towards a better life. 
More Education is also an important subject for me because I know what the lack of school education can cause in France. Nouvelle phrase> For example my grandparents who immigrated to France did not have access to a school education, so they felt rejected by the society. But although time has passed this problem still exists yet. 

 

Indeed today in the world they there are 250 million of children in the world who can neither read nor write; 781 million of adults are illiterate.  Of Among the 781 million illiterate adults in the world, 70% are women. And Education also has an effect on infant mortality. Indeed a child whose mother knows can read have <Le sujet "child" est au singulier> has 50% more chances of surviving beyond her fifth year. Because an educated woman are <Tu le fais exprès ?> is better informed about diseases and can prevent them and recognize early symptoms.

So to answer <Verbe transitif direct> at the question, I would like to work in education because for me education has an important power cause and I am persuaded quite sure/convinced that many problems in the world can be solved/resolved with education. For example some diseases such as AIDS can be reduced through school prevention courses.

More  Education gives women the ability to overcome discrimination, the autonomy to decide, to choose, to say no. An educated girl has weapons to fight against violence, to fight against early pregnancies, to refuse forced marriages. And I think that a school education helps to have self-confidence. It is for those reasons that I want to do  this job. 

Il y a une différence de niveau telle dans les divers passages que je me demande si tu ne t'es pas livrée à un certain nombre de "repiquages".

J'espère me tromper.

 

[Anglais A]

Merci pour tout vos conseils, merci d'avoir pris le temps de me corriger

Bonne continuation