Récit de voyage scolaire

[lili33331]

Bonjour, je dois faire un travail dans lequel je dois raconter un voyage que l'on a fait en debut d'année scolaire avec ma classe. Il faut cependant que je le raconte de manière originale, et non pas seulement faire la description des activités que l'on a faites.

Voici ce que j'ai fais:

One of the most beautiful experience I lived during all my student’s life is my trip to London. That’s why, for my personal file, I want to share with you my journey in London with my European class. It was an amazing experience because it was the first time I went to England. There are so much stereotypes so it was the opportunity to make my own opinion. I discovered the English culture through many visits like museums…

Therefore I’m going to talk about what I learned and discovered about English culture thanks to this trip.

First of all, I’m going to deal with the diversity of people in England. Indeed, I stayed at a woman’s and her husband, Tutti and Robert, native of Asian countries. That’s why it stood out pretty much in my mind. When I walked down the street, I realized that there were people with different accents and different color skin, different styles… So I asked myself why is there so much diversity in England. Therefore, I did some research and I found out that London is a cosmopolitan city. It means that London welcoming populations of varied origins. It shows me that England is a mixture of cultures. Immigration is the reason why the city get involved numerous cultures. People leaved their countries because of financial difficulties or because they wanted to change their life. So they brought their cultures with them. Thus, London now has more than 40 ethnic communities. More than 300 languages are spoken there. These communities are included in various districts which allows an important variety of cultures. For example, Chinese district possess many shops which sell numerous specialities…

Then, during my trip, the thing that hit me the most is the high cultural dynamism of the city. London has many museums, theaters… which remind the most important people who made history, science… I had the opportunity to visit the Shakespeare’s Globe. It’s been most interesting because Shakespeare is one of the most beautiful English playwrights. I visited a reconstruction of the place where his plays were represented and a  guide explained us how it took place at the time of Shakespeare. I also visited the Science Museum which was very fascinating because I am really interested on sciences. While browsing the permanent exhibition in the Science Museum, I discovered many innovations made throughout history. Moreover, we can also focus on English culture because London has a magnificent architecture. Indeed, during the bus tour, I saw all important buildings of London like Tower Bridge, Cathedral Saint-Paul, Abbey of Westminster… which possess a very specific architecture that we only see in England.

Finally, I want to share with you a very big stereotype in England : English students. When we got to London, one of the first thing that really captivated my mind is English students. They are exactly like in movies, with uniforms, bags… It is interesting because this is another culture, different than ours. So, my teacher explained me the system of English education which is very different than in France. They can choose their school subjects with a program more varied and rigorous. Thus, repeating a school year is less frequent than in France.  Moreover, she told me that in private school, students where in different « houses » like in the saga Harry Potter. It was really funny because during the trip, we visited the Studio Tour London of « The Making of Harry Potter » so that’s why she told me that. So, I really observed for myself the contrast between English students and French students.

To sum up, my trip to London was an amazing experience. It allows me to learn more about English culture. Moreover, it was for me the first time when I left my country and discovered London, a beautiful city.

 

Pourriez-vous me dire ce que vous en pensez, de plus j'ai l'impression que certaines expressions que j'ai utilisées sont trop traduites mot à mot, et je ne sais pas si il y a des erreurs de conjugaison, grammaire, orthographe...

Merci d'avance pour votre aide 

[Jean B]

Bonjour,

Après lecture de ton laïus, j'ai beaucoup de mal à croire que tu puisses être en Terminale !

En plus d'un texte écrit à la va-vite sans le moindre plan vu le nombre de répétitions, ta méconnaissance de certaines règles élémentaires de la grammaire est proprement ahurissante.

C'est pourquoi je ne vais pas faire une correction - à quelques exceptions près en vert - mais seulement baliser tes fautes, à charge pour toi de les rectifier avec l'appui de mes remarques.

Quand tu auras amélioré ton texte et si tu le souhaites, reviens le poster, j'y mettrai les retouches qui s'avèreraient encore nécessaires.

One of the most beautiful < adjectif inapproprié experience I lived during all my student’s life is my trip to London. That’s why, for my personal file, I want to share with you my journey in London with my European class. It was an amazing experience because it was the first time I went to stayed in England. There are so much < Le nom qui suit n'est-il pas un pluriel ? Rectifie ! > stereotypes so it was the opportunity to make form my own opinion on them/make up my mind about them. I discovered the English culture through many visits like museums…

Therefore I’m going to talk about what I learned and discovered about (7)> x English culture thanks to this trip.

First of all, I’m going to deal with the diversity of people in England. Indeed, I stayed  at a woman's and her husband couple's place, Tutti and Robert, native of Asian countries. That’s why it stood out pretty much in my mind. When I walked down the street, I realized that there were people with different accents and different color skin, (1) different styles… So I asked myself why is there (2) so much diversity in England. Therefore, I did some research and I found out that London is a cosmopolitan city. It means that London welcoming <(3) populations of varied origins. It shows me that England is a mixture of cultures. Immigration is the reason why the city get involved <(4) numerous cultures. People leaved <(5) their countries because of financial difficulties or because they wanted to change their life.<(6) So they brought their cultures with them. Thus, London now has more than 40 ethnic communities. More than 300 languages are spoken there. These communities are included in various districts, which allows an important variety of cultures. For example, (7)> x Chinese district possess <(8) many shops which sell numerous specialities…

Then, during my trip, the thing that hit me the most is the high cultural dynamism of the city. London has many museums, theaters… which remind the most important people who made history, science… I had the opportunity to visit the Shakespeare’s Globe. It’s been most interesting because Shakespeare is one of the most beautiful < adjectif inapproprié English playwrights. I visited a reconstruction of the place where his plays were represented and a  guide explained us how it took place at the time of Shakespeare. I also visited the Science Museum, which was very fascinating because I am really interested on in sciences. While browsing the permanent exhibition in the Science Museum, I discovered many innovations made throughout history. Moreover, we can also focus on (7)> x English culture because London has a magnificent architecture. Indeed, during the bus tour, I saw all important buildings of London like Tower Bridge, Cathedral Saint-Paul,<(1) (7)> x Abbey of Westminster… which possess a very specific architecture that we can only see in England.

Finally, I want to share with you a very big stereotype in England : English students. When we got to London, one of the first thing that really captivated my mind is English students. They are exactly like in movies, with uniforms, bags… It is interesting because this is another culture, different than from ours. So, my teacher explained me the system of English education which is very different than in France from the French one. They can choose their school subjects with a program more varied and rigorous.<(9) Thus, repeating a school year is less frequent than in France.  Moreover, she told me that in private schools, students where in different « houses » like in the saga Harry Potter.<(1) It was really funny because during the trip, we visited the Studio Tour London of « The Making of Harry Potter » so that’s why she told me that. So, I really observed for myself the contrast between English students and French students.

To sum up, my trip to London was an amazing experience. It allows <(10) me to learn more about (7)> x English culture. Moreover, it was for me the first time when I left my country and discovered London, a beautiful city.

(1) Dans un nom composé de nom + nom, celui qui prend valeur de déterminant se place naturellement DEVANT l'autre.

(2) "I asked myself" introduisant une question indirecte, why est ici pronom relatif introduisant la proposition déclarative qui suit. Rectifie l'ordre des mots.

(3) C'est une vérité permanente = présent simple.

(4) "involve" étant un verbe transitif, revois son sens précis dans le dictionnaire et mets le au présent simple pour la même raison qu'en 3.

(5) Révise les verbes irréguliers, il y a urgence ! Il faut les connaître tous parfaitement de façon réflexe, ce sont les verbes forts de l'anglais.

(6) L'anglais met au pluriel un nom qui est commun à plusieurs possesseurs, c'est l'une de ses particularités. Rectifie et attention à sa forme pluriel.

(7) Il n'y en a qu'un(e) seul(e) = article défini.

(8) La terminaison -ss est soit celle d'un infinitif, soit celle d'un présent simple pluriel mais certainement pas celle d'une 3ème personne du singulier du présent simple.

(9) Où se placent les adjectifs ? Tu as appris la règle en Sixième mais elle est toujours en vigueur aujourd'hui ! Rectifie donc dette horreur.

(10) C'est du passé révolu = prétérit.

Conseil : inscris toi illico sur https://www.anglaisfacile.com/ pour en exploiter les multiples ressources et te présenter en forme olympique au bac écrit et oral de juin prochain.

Autres liens utiles :

http://www.e-anglais.com/

http://anglais-bac.com/

http://learnenglish.britishcouncil.org/

https://www.ego4u.com/