A new society

[Laurine.V]

Hello! 

I'm studying English at univesity and I have to create a new society (because of the end of the world). I do that but I'd like someone with a good English level to correct my work. I think that there are some tense and grammar mistakes. 

Thank you in advance.

 

Here is my work: 

 

GREEN PLANET: SOLUTIONS FOR EVERYONE

How to create a green society?

We are going to present you our society. The Green Planet brings solutions for everyone. First of all, we are going to explain the origin of our company. After that, we will describe the actions that we are carrying out. To create this green society, we were inspired by the movie “demain”.

Our History: How was born are new society?

 We come from the earth, called blue planet. In 2012, the end of the world happened! It was horrible and creepy! Because of human’s pollution, the pack ice melted, and everyone was drowned. However, only ten people survived…

In fact, the sea ice of Greenland has turned into a huge wave which gradually invaded all the continents of the blue planet. There are ten of us who have survived and we all come from New York City. We were very lucky.

So, we had to leave the blue planet because it wasn’t liveable. In fact, we have occupied another planet and we have created a new society which is better and more environmental. It called: Green Planet, like the earth on which we leave.

Our society have only language. In fact, everybody speaks English to facilitate the communication. We refused the money change. Our currency is barter. Each people chose the object change, the agreement is made between the people concerned by the change.

Our government is a democracy. The leaders are the ten survivors and each month ten citizens are chosen to participate at the political actions.

“think different, think green planet” is the slogan of our society, it summarizes all the benefits of the green planet. Nature is our main advantage, we protect it. This nature has also become our religion. In fact, on the green planet, most citizens have a belief in the earth-centered religions. These are based on the worship of natural elements.

Now, we are going to play the anthem of our society. This is called “nature’s hymn”.

Flag

Now, we are going to show you our flag. This flag is very symbolic, it represents all the important elements of our society

First of all, our flag has a green and white background. Green stands for the notions of ecology and sustainable development. White represents peace and well-being brought by our new society. Then, in the middle, we have a round section. Inside this one, we can see a tree growing from the blue planet. This tree symbolizes the new green planet which takes its roots in the oldest. The background is divided into three parts. A letter is inside the tree parts: I, P and C. This stands for the major actions on which the society is built: Individual, Political and Collective.Finally, we can see five blue stars to the left and five other stars to the rights. It is to represent the ten survivors who created the green planet.

THE ACTIONS

Finally, we would like to share with you the actions we have taken to build our green society. We have three types of actions: individual, collective and political.

1.     Individual actions

1.1.         Eating: more organic food and less meat

Why?

On the earth, the industrial farming is hugely responsible for the ecological destruction on the planet, for the extinction of thousands of species and for the ruin of millions of small farmers. We change that! It's Green revolution

How?

It's possible to produce more food, without fertilizer or pesticides. We have to repairs nature and not destroy as was done before. We must to cultivate and learn about permaculture or agroecology. Agroecology is the fact to use nature as production factor and maintain renewal capacity.  Permaculture it's philosophy, the purpose is to take care about nature, people and to share equitably. So make living spaces which respect environment and animals.

1.2.         Energetic Transition: to a renewable energy

Why?

Fossil energy (Petrol, oil, coal, gas) contribute actively to global warming. The excessive use of fossil fuels produces too much gas. These gases are the cause of the increase in the greenhouse effect so they create global warming.

How?

We have to make smart exploitation of all renewable resources (water, wood, waste). We use renewable energy. We must to install renewable resources at home (solar panels, mini windmills, geothermal…), opt for a 100% renewable electricity supplier. The energy stored and redistributed by network smart.

The best thing being, at the same time, to reduce your energy consumption and use “soft” transports like bicycling !

 

1.3.         Reducing, re-using, recycling, repairing, sharing...

Why?

On the earth, 10 millions tons of waste was thrown away every day. Landfill sites, rivers, forests, oceans were saturated with the western countries waste. In Africa, entire cities were clogged up with old computers, TVs, vehicles we don't use any more; waters and soils are polluted, children are poisoned…  We throw away a third of the food we produced.

How?

Learn or re-learn the waste sorting with the sorting guide. Make composting in cities (with a vermicompost in a house, or collective compost systems) or in gardens. Then, we can repair, re-use and share with our neighbor rather than buy.  For companies, we have to create production chains without waste where the recycling of materials is almost infinite and where the waste of some becomes the resources of others.

 

1.4.         Barter

Why?

The economy of blue planet had lot of limits. This economy destroyed nature, exhausted resources and reinforce inequalities.

 

2.     Collective actions

2.1.         Transform your neighborhood, your village, your city in a vegetable garden

The benefits

Transform our neighborhood, our village, our city allows for favor the exchanges within your district in particular by creating a shared garden which is a place convenient to the social links.

We can create a better living environment, because the plant cover supplies with the shade, with the oxygen while getting us a sound and thermal insulation and by avoiding floods caused by the waterproofing of grounds.

The, we encourage the people to practice the agriculture, the gardening and to affect the earth (ground), the more and more rare gesture in town.

Finally, we can reintroduce the biodiversity on walls concreted by our cities.

How?

We can create a garden in improbable places: on the roof, on the wall, on balconies, in parks, on windowsills... We can create a garden wherever!

The shared garden is a good idea to transform districts. It is a place of life opened on the district which favors the meetings between generations and between cultures. It facilitates the relations between the various places of life of the district: school, nursing home, hospitals...

We can create gardens with fruit trees, flowers...in the school and in companies. They will favor the presence of birds and essential insects in the biodiversity.

 

2.2.         Create an alternative school

Why?

Lot of children go at school by obligation and not by pleasure. The class was composed by lot of children. Professor teach at group of children if one children don't understand he don't spend lot of time with this child. Some children try every day to blend in with the masses to comply with what it expected of them, because of this much children come stressed at school each morning. They lose the taste for learning and too many children lack confidence in themselves.

How?

We think that we can use customized pedagogy, each student progresses at their own pace, the homework are adapted for each student. We try to study in small group. Each student counts.

Our educative system takes into account diversity of children and their special needs. Our educative policy focused on the growth of students.

From the youngest age, we learn recycling, how to protect nature...

In school, we learn for children, to cooperate and resolve peacefully their conflict, to live in harmony with themselves, the other and nature. The most important point is to leave the children to express their talent and exercise their passion.

 

3.     Political actions

3.1.         Redirect the farming subsidies to facilitate the change for organic farming, agroecology, permaculture…

Why?

In the level Political, we can Redirect the farming subsidies to facilitate the change for organic farming, agroecology, permaculture…

 

CONCLUSION 

Now, to conclude, we think that our society presents à lot of benefits. In fact, we will expose you the different profits at the individual, collective and political level.

           

To begin, to individual level:

Thanks to our society, we believe that people are more selfless between them. Our society is based on the mutual aid. This favors the gift and favors the attention granted to others. Barter favors the altruism also. Moreover, people have a better conscious of the nature, the others and the new world. In fact, from the youngest ages, environmental protection is promoted. People know that without protection of nature, they can die. So, they worship it as a god.         

 

Secondly, to collective level:

Obviously, in our society we can observe a planet with less pollution. This favors a better individual and collective quality of life. The air is cleaner, the nature is more cleanly.

Moreover, the society is more equal. In fact, barter reduces the inequalities and allows to avoid that people who want to get rich crushing the poorest.

We can see that our society is very united. It’s a collective society and not an individual as the oldest. Humans understood that by being united, we can avoid a disaster like the 2012 disaster.

 

Finally, to political level:

Owing to our society, in our opinion, the government is close to the people. In fact, a little society allows that its government is more attentive to people. Moreover, the government is more appreciate by habitants that before. This, it’s more important to the good performance of society.

The nature is at the center of government’s preoccupations. Thanks to this, the economy is more effective that old economy.

 

[Jean B]

Bonjour,

Le 12/03/2018 à 18:27, Laurine.V a dit :

Hello! 

I'm studying English at univesity and I have to create a new society (because of the end of the world). I do that but I'd like someone with a good English level to correct my work. I think that there are some tense and grammar mistakes. < Tu le fais ou tu l'as fait ?

Thank you in advance.

Here is my work: 

GREEN PLANET: SOLUTIONS FOR EVERYONE

How to create a green society?

We are going to present you our society to you. < Le COD derrière le verbe, le complément d'attribution après. The Green Planet brings solutions for to everyone. First of all, we are going to explain the origin of our company. After that, we will describe the actions that we are carrying out. To create this green society, we were inspired by the movie “Demain”.

Our history: how was born are our new society born? < Là, tu commences fort ! Tu ne te relis donc pas ? 

 We come from the Earth, called the Blue Planet. In 2012, the end of the world happened! < C'est incohérent. Aurais-tu oublié que nous sommes en 2018 ? Si tu composes un roman d'anticipation, tu dois rester cohérente avec les temps, qu'ils soient passés ou présents. It was horrible and creepy! Because of human’s (1) pollution, the ice pack  (2) melted, and everyone was drowned. However, only ten people survived…

(1) La pollution n'appartient pas aux hommes et human est adjectif ici.

(2)  Même si pack ice existe, je préfère ice pack où le nom ayant valeur d'adjectif est placé avant. C'est la règle générale des noms composés de nom + nom et je m'y tiens.

In fact, the sea ice of Greenland has turned into a huge wave which gradually invaded all the continents of the blue planet. There are Only ten of us who have survived and we all come from New York City. We were very lucky. < Une fois de plus, tu manques de cohérence dans l'emploi des temps. Quand tu es dans le récit d'évènements passés =>> prétérit.

So, we had to leave the blue planet because it wasn’t liveable. In fact, we have occupied another planet and we have created a new society which is better and more environmental. It is called: Green Planet, like the Earth on which we leave  lived before.

Our society have only language.  < ??? In fact, everybody speaks English to facilitate the communication. We refused < Pourquoi le passé là ? N'est-ce pas actuel ? the money change. Our currency is barter. Each (3) people (4) chose (5) the object change, the agreement is made between the people concerned by the change.

(3) each ne s'emploie qu'avec un nom singulier >> Tout un chacun = Everyone (4) Que je sache, people est un nom pluriel (5) voir note refused

Our government is a democracy. The leaders are the ten survivors and each every month ten citizens are chosen to participate at the take part in political actions. < Avant d'aller plus loin, j'aimerais me persuader que tu n'as surtout pas "traduit " ça après l'avoir d'abord écrit en français !

“think different, think green planet” is the slogan of our society, it summarizes all the benefits of the green planet. Nature is our main advantage, we protect it. This nature has also become our religion. In fact, on the green planet, most citizens have a belief in the earth-centered religions. These are based on the worship of natural elements.

Now, we are going to play the anthem of our society. This is called “nature’s hymn”.

Flag

Now, we are going to show you our flag. This flag is very symbolic, it represents all the important elements of our society

First of all, our flag has a green and white background. Green stands for the notions of ecology and sustainable development. White represents peace and well-being brought by our new society. Then, in the middle, we have a round section. Inside this one it we can see a tree growing from the blue planet. This tree symbolizes the new green planet which takes its roots in the oldest. The background is divided into three parts. A letter is inside the tree parts: I, P and C. This stands for the major actions on which the society is built: Individual, Political and Collective.Finally, we can see five blue stars to the left and five other stars to the rights. It is to represent the ten survivors who created the green planet.

THE ACTIONS

Finally, we would like to share with you the measures/actions we have taken to build our green society. We have three types of actions: individual, collective and political.

1.     Individual actions

1.1.         Eating: more organic food and less meat

Why?

On the Earth, the industrial farming is < Au moment où tu écris ça, la Terre n'existe plus, tu fais référence au passé, donc ? hugely responsible for the ecological destruction on the planet, for the extinction of thousands of species and for the ruin of millions of small farmers. We change that! < Là, tu fais référence au résultat actuel, donc ? It's Green revolution

How?

It's possible to produce more food, without fertilizers or pesticides. We have to repairs  nature and not destroy as was done before. We must to  cultivate and learn about permaculture or agroecology. Agroecology is the fact to use nature as production factor and maintain renewal capacity.  Permaculture it's is philosophy, the purpose is to take care about of nature, people and to share equitably. So make living spaces which respect environment and animals.

1.2.         Energetic Transition: to a renewable energy

Why?

Fossil energy (Petrol, oil, coal, gas) contribute actively to global warming. The excessive use of fossil fuels produces too much gas. These gases are the cause of the increase in the greenhouse effect so they create global warming.

How?

We have to make smart exploitation of all renewable resources (water, wood, waste). We use renewable energy. We must to < Encore ! < Quelle est la règle principale qui régit les auxiliaires modaux ? install renewable resources at home (solar panels, mini windmills, geothermal…), opt for a 100% renewable electricity supplier. The energy stored and redistributed by network smart.  < ???

The best thing being, at the same time, to reduce your energy consumption and use “soft” transports like bicycling !

 

1.3.         Reducing, re-using, recycling, repairing, sharing...

Why?

On the Earth, 10 millions tons of waste was (6) thrown away every day. Landfill sites, rivers, forests, oceans were saturated with the western countries waste. In Africa, entire cities were clogged up with old computers, TVs, vehicles we don't (7) use any more; waters and soils are (7.1) polluted, children are (7.2) poisoned…  We throw (7.3) away a third of the food we produced.

(6) N'est-il pas assez évident que 10 millions est un pluriel ? (7), (7.1), (7.2), (7.3) Ces actions  sont toutes passées, donc ?

How?

Learn or re-learn the waste sorting with the sorting guide. Make composting in cities (with a vermicompost in a house, or collective compost systems) or in gardens. Then, we can repair, re-use and share with our neighbor rather than buy.  For companies, we have to create production chains without waste where the recycling of materials is almost infinite and where the waste of some becomes the resources of others.

 

1.4.         Barter

Why?

The economy of the Blue Planet had lot of limits. This economy destroyed nature, exhausted resources and reinforced inequalities.

 

2.     Collective actions

2.1.         Transform your neighborhood, your village, your city into a vegetable garden

The benefits

Transforming our neighborhood, our village, our city allows for favor the encourages/boosts exchanges within your district in particular by creating a shared garden which is a place convenient < Où donc se place l'adjectif épithète ? to the social links.

We can create a better living environment x because the plant cover supplies with the shade, < Là, il faudra m'expliquer, je ne comprends pas ! with the oxygen while getting us a sound and thermal insulation and by avoiding floods caused by the waterproofing of grounds.

Then < Je suppose  we encourage the people to practice the agriculture farm, the gardening and (to) affect touch the earth (ground) soil, the more and more rare a rarer and rarer gesture in town. < Des révisions de la grammaire s'imposent à toi et pas des moindres.

Finally, we can reintroduce the biodiversity on walls concreted by our cities.

How?

We can create a garden in improbable places: on the roofs, on the walls, on balconies, in parks, on windowsills... We can create a garden wherever anywhere!

The shared garden is a good idea to transform districts. It is a place of life opened on the district which favors the meetings between generations and between cultures. It facilitates the relations between the various places of life of the district: school, nursing home, hospitals...

We can create gardens with fruit trees, flowers...in the schools and in companies. They will favor the presence of birds and essential insects in the biodiversity.

 

2.2.         Create an alternative school

Why?

Lots of children go at to/attend/ school by obligation and not by pleasure. The class was composed by lot of children. Professor teach at group of children if one children don't understand he don't spend lot of time with this child. < C'est à la limite du charabia ! De plus, employer one avec un nom pluriel, il fallait le faire ! Some children try every day to blend in with the masses to comply with what it is expected of them x because of this much children come stressed at school each morning. They lose the taste for learning and too many children lack confidence in themselves.

Trop, c'est trop, désolé, je vais faire une bonne pause avant de perdre mes nerfs complètement et de continuer éventuellement.

Entre temps, j'espère qu'un(e) bénévole plus patient(e) que moi finira le boulot et par avance je lui souhaite bon courage.

Derniers conseils : en priorité, révise les règles d'emploi/omission du déterminant "the", et plus généralement la plupart des règles grammaticales de base. Pour ce faire, il existe d'excellentes grammaires universitaires.

Suite et fin aujourd'hui jeudi 15 mars :

Thanks to our society, we believe that people are more selfless between them. Our society is based on the mutual aid. This favors the gifts and favors the attention granted to others. Barter also favors the altruism also. Moreover, people have a better consciousness of the nature, the others and the new world. In fact, from the youngest ages, environmental protection is promoted. People know that without protection of nature, they can die. So, they worship it as a god.         

 

Secondly, to collective level:

Obviously, in our society we can observe a planet with less pollution. This favors a better individual and collective quality of life. The air is cleaner, the so is nature is more cleanly.

Moreover, the society is more equal. In fact, barter reduces the inequalities and allows to avoid that prevents people who want to get rich crushing to crush the poorest poorer ones. < Revois ce cas particulier d’emploi du comparatif à la place du superlatif.

We can see that our society is very united. It’s a collective society and not an individual as the oldest previous one on the Earth. Humans understood that by being united, we can avoid a disaster like the 2012 disaster.

 

Finally, to political level:

Owing to < ??? our society, in our opinion, the government is close to the people. In fact, a little society allows that enables its government is more attentive to pay more attention to people. Moreover, the government is more appreciated by inhabitants like the government way more than that before. This, it’s is more important to the good performance of society. < Pas de doublement du sujet en anglais, c'est encore une règle élémentaire.

The nature is at the center of government’s concerns/preoccupations. Thanks to this, the economy is more effective that old economy.

Ouf !

Sans vouloir t’offenser, je me demande si tu as conscience de la diversité et de l’étendue de tes lacunes tant grammaticales que lexicales.

Ce fut un tel pensum pour moi que je ne garantis pas avoir tout vu.

Mets-toi au boulot sans plus tarder !