Oral bac (2)

[Chigago Poney]

Bonjour, j'aimerai avoir des avis sur mon texte et des corrections svp merci. C'est pour mon oral de bac et donc je me suis pas mal appuyer sur les documents distribués en cours.

The notion I’m going to deal with is «Idea of Progress>>. To begin with, I’d like to give a definition of the notion, progress is the idea that the world and the society can evolve positively in terms of sciences, technology, modernization, and living condition.
In order to illustrate the notion idea of progress I’m going to talk about gender equality because it’s when women and men enjoy the same rights and opportunities across all sectors of society, including economic participation, cultural participation and political participation. When I’m going talk about gender equality, I’m think at the end of stereotypes, like girls clean the house and take care of the babies but boys go to work. It’s a big gender gap into female and men.

Women have less responsibility and rights in the society compared to men?

I Women and men in the society

I’d like to talk women and men in the society. First, an access to education, there are 62 million girls are not in school in the world, mainly in the developing country, for the reason that married with more old men, or for religious reasons or they want work for her family. In contrast, women do better at school and university tan men 83% of young women reach at least upper secondary school in the European Union compared to 77.5% of men.

Secondly, how many women have in leadership position? Only 22! It’s 89% of the countries in the world are led by men.

Thirdly, how many professional female leagues are as successful as their male counterparts? In addition to female sports are devalue in favor of male sport. Only 7% of sports broadcasts are devoted to women in France. It’s very little.

Women are less represent in the society, because of the past, women were consider like object and so they hadn’t any rights.

II Solution

Now, I’d like to talk solution, in fact since the 1960s, a lot of progress has been made. We have reconsider a woman like someone, and so this rights and rights famed a society for gender equality.

Emma Watson appointed as Goodwill Ambassador for United Nation Women, to have an international scope. It’s a first campaign of its kind, and goals is that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities, for it we must act to near of the political, economic and social.

It is necessary to change the morals, with acts, like the suffragette have won the right to vote, thanks to their manifestations.

 

Conclusion

Before the 1960s, women didn’t have a right or very little, and after we observe a progress in a consideration of woman, thanks to their claims they have get more right and a better place in the society. However have always a gender gap into female and men.

 

I think progress is essential to evolve. History is made of progress and evolution that have allowed the world to be what it’s today. Women win a little of their goals every days and if everybody does efforts, so we can arrived.

[Jean B]

 

Bonjour,

Il y a 18 heures, Chigago Poney a dit :

Bonjour, j'aimerais << présent conditionnel, dit "de politesse" avoir des avis sur mon texte et des corrections svp merci. C'est pour mon oral de bac et donc je me suis pas mal appuyerée << Bescherelle, au secours ! sur les documents distribués en cours.

The notion I’m going to deal with is «Idea of Progress>>. To begin with, I’d like to give a definition of the notion. Progress is the idea that the world and the <<Laquelle ?>> society can evolve positively in terms of sciences, technology, modernization and living condition. << Pas de virgule devant un mot charnière !
In order to illustrate the notion idea of progress I’m going to talk about gender equality because it’s when women and men enjoy the same rights and opportunities across all sectors of society, including economic participation, cultural participation and political participation. When I’m going <<Revois l'emploi des temps dans les subordonnées talk about gender equality, I’m think at about the end of stereotypes, like girls cleaning the house and taking care of the babies but boys going to work. It’s a big gender gap into between female women and men.

Have women have less responsibility and rights in the society compared to men? <<Quel DOIT TOUJOURS être l'ordre des mots dans une tournure interrogative ?

I Women and men in the society << Tu DOIS absolument maîtriser l'emploi/omission du déterminant "the", c'est encore loin d'être le cas.

I’d like to talk about women and men in the society. First, an access to education, there are 62 million girls are not in who don't attend school in the world, mainly in the developing countries, << Il n'y en a pas qu'un seul ! for the reason that <<Quelle lourdeur ! because they get married with to more old  << Houla, la vilaine faute ! older men, or for religious reasons or they want work for her their families. <<L'adjectif possessif DOIT être accordé en genre et en nombre avec la possesseur. C'est une règle élémentaire. In contrast, women do better at school and university than men 83% of young women reach at least upper secondary school in the European Union compared to 77.5% of men.<< Le rapport avec les pays en voie de développement ?

Secondly, how many women have in a leadership position? Only 22! It’s 89% of the countries in the world are led by men.

Thirdly, how many professional female leagues are as successful as their male counterparts? In addition to female sports are devalue in favor of male sport. <<Du diable si ça signifie quelque chose ! Only 7% of sports broadcasts are devoted to women in France. It’s very little.

Women are less represented in the society because of the past, women were considered like objects and so they hadn’t any rights. <<Encore faudrait-il qu'on sache de quelles femmes il s'agit !

II Solution

Now, I’d like to talk about a solution, in fact since the 1960s, a lot of progress has been made. We have reconsidered a woman like someone, and so this rights and rights famed a society for gender equality. <<Ça signifie quelque chose selon toi ?

Emma Watson was appointed as Goodwill Ambassador for the United Nation Women to have an international scope. It’s a first campaign of its kind and the goals is that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities, for it we must act to near of the political, economic and social. << ??? Idem

It is necessary to change the morals, with acts, like the suffragette have won the right to vote, thanks to their manifestations demonstrations. <<Et vive le repiquage !

 

Conclusion

Before the 1960s, women didn’t have a right or very little, and after we observe a progress in a consideration of woman, thanks to their claims they have get more right and a better place in the society. However have always a gender gap into female and men. << Grosso modo, c'est du charabia. Reformule ça de manière compréhensible.

 

I think progress is essential to evolve. History is made of progress and evolution that have allowed the world to be what it is today. Women win a little of their goals every days and if everybody does efforts, so we can arrived. << Charabia encore ! Une conclusion digne du nom se doit d'être claire, c'est un minimum !

 

[Chigago Poney]

Merci pour toutes ces corrections et annotations.