Écrire sur un moment embarrassant dans notre vie

[MrX]

Voici les consignes

Write about an embarrassing moment that happened to you.

Include the details 

3 paragraphs

Past tense

Introduction: mood,time, place and characters

Title

When/where did the situation happen?

What was the general mood?

How old were you?/Who?

What was the turning point of your day?

How did you react(climax)

How did your story come to end?

Dans un autre commentaire je vais écrire mon texte et j'aimerais que vous me corrigiez et m'expliquiez mes fautes. Merci de votre aide.

[MrX]

                                                                               The word day of my life

Its was a beautiful morning like always during the tonight when i was awake my baby teeth on the right side up hurried me wet suddenly it fell by magic i put it on my bed.Then i pretended to sleep when i suddenly recognize the smell of my father who passes in my room to take my tooth to put money under my bed i was disappointed to know that it existed not it was January 21,2008 because i had my ball preferrer that day.

The next morning on a beautiful sunny morning my father told at 7 years old i should not make myself with these stories and on to other things.After this message for days i no longer spoke to my father.The turning point of my day was to learn that adult say are not always true but better for us not learn the truth.

I realized that acting in a fake way would not help me any more so i evolved by making my small cousin believe that Santa Claus and tooth fairy existed.Finally, it's over that i felt older and older to let me know at it and i forgive my father for having done this and we have been happy for years.

[Jean B]

 

Bonjour,

Il y a 13 heures, MrX a dit :

                                                                               The word worst day of in my life << N'aurais-tu pas un dictionnaire ? " word" = mot // "worst" = superlatif de bad = pire.

Its It was a beautiful morning like always during the tonight when i was awake my baby teeth on the right side up hurried me wet suddenly it fell by magic i put it on my bed.<< C'est incompréhensible. Reformule tout ça en phrases courtes. Then i  I pretended to sleep when i  I suddenly recognized the smell of my father who passes in << C'est une action antérieure = pas perfect >> had entered my room to take my tooth to and put money under my bed pillow. Nouvelle phrase >> i  I was disappointed to know that it existed not the tooth fairy did not exist. Nouvelle phrase >> It was January 21st, 2008 because i  I got/ had my favourite ball preferrer that day. << Le pronom sujet de la 1ère personne singulier ne s'écrit qu'avec la MAJUSCULE // L'adjectif épithète se place DEVANT le nom. Tu as appris ces 2 règles en sixième, il est grand temps que tu les mémorises pour les appliquer !

On the next morning on a beautiful sunny morning my father told me that as a 7 year-old kid  i  I should not make myself with  worry about these stories and on to other things. After this message for days i  I no longer spoke to my father for days.The turning point of my day was to learn that what adults say are is not always true but that it is better for us not learn the truth.

I realized that acting in a fake way would not help me any more so i  I evolved by making my small first cousin believe that Santa Claus and tooth fairy existed. Finally, it's over that i felt older and older to let me know at it << C'est incompréhensible aussi ! and i  I forgive my father for having done this and we have been happy for years.

Tu ne seras pas surpris si j'écris que tu as quelques problèmes avec la construction de tes phrases en anglais. Il est anormal que ce que tu écris soit parfois incompréhensible malgré ma longue expérience du charabia lycéen. Boileau a écrit jadis "Ce qui se conçoit bien s'énonce clairement // Et les mots pour le dire arrivent aisément". Ce doit être pareil en anglais. Dans un premier temps, applique-toi à composer des phrases courtes ne comportant au plus que deux propositions, tu y gagneras en clarté. Quand tu maîtriseras ce stade, tu pourras passer à l'élaboration de phrases plus complexes. Quand tu écris en anglais, concentre-toi sur sa syntaxe, sa grammaire, son vocabulaire, ses expressions idiomatiques et surtout OUBLIE le français. Pour finir, ne t'avise JAMAIS d'utiliser un quelconque traducteur en ligne mais appuie-toi sur tes connaissances et sur l'usage du dictionnaire. Il y en a d'excellents, gratuits, consultables en ligne.

[MrX]

Donc pour le premier paragraphe je dirais:It was a beautiful day like always during tonight when I was awake my baby tooth on the right side up hurted me when suddenly it fell I put it on my bed.

Et Le dernier paragraphe le bout que je me suis tromper je dirais:Finally I'm done with the fairy of tooth and all imaginations for kids because I felt older to let me know at it and I forgive my father for believe me this such things for my own person .

Est-ce correct?

[Jean B]

Il y a 3 heures, MrX a dit :

Donc pour le premier paragraphe je dirais : It was a beautiful day like always as usual. during tonight when I was awake Nouvelle phrase >>  I woke up during the night when my baby tooth on the upper right side up hurted me when and suddenly it fell so I put it on my bedside table. << Tu ne tiens pas compte de mes remarques et persistes à écrire "au kilomètre". Apprends d'abord à rédiger des phrases courtes. Est-ce que tu lis et comprends mon français ? J'en doute ! Et apprends aussi par coeur tous les verbes irréguliers ! >> hurt a la  même forme aux trois temps.

Et le dernier paragraphe, le bout que où je me suis tromperé << participe passé je dirais : Finally I'm done with the fairy of tooth fairy << C'est un nom composé and all imaginations for kids because I felt older to let me know at it << Ça n'a pas de sens  and I forgive my father for making me believe me this such things for my own person.

Est-ce correct? Si d'une fois à l'autre tu dois multiplier les fautes au lieu de les supprimer, je ne vois aucune raison pour continuer à t'aider. Il faut PENSER en anglais quand tu écris de l'anglais, ça devrait tomber sous le sens !