Myths and heroes

[Lilouchocolat]

Bonjour , j'aimerais que vous me corrigiez ma nouvelle notion s'il vous plait 

 

Myths and heroes

I am going to talk about the notion of myths and heroes. First of all, I’m going to give the definition of a myth and a hero.
A myth is a story that may or may not be true. Mythology includes the legends of our history, our religions,  stories of how the world was created, and our heroes. These stories have great symbolic power, and this may be a major reason why they survive as long as they do, sometimes for thousands of years. A hero is a person who is admired for their courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities. It can be any character. He can be a source of inspiration for others. So ,is the American dream still alive ? 
To my mind, the documents thats seems to best illustrate the notion is the document audio who speak of Oprah and the document with the biography of barack Obama and to finish the video document  « Protests against the rise of tuition fees »

In the myths of today there is The American dream is the notion that the American social, economic, and political system makes success possible for every individual. Someone who manages to achieve their version of the American dream is said to be « living the dream ». As Oprah Winfrey is a pure incarnation of the American dream because, started with nothing, she became one of the most influential woman of the country, like we saw  in the document audio . Oprah he fact that she embodies the American Dream makes her a kind of hero for all her fans.Then Obama also embodies the status of hero since he also managed the American dream indeed in the document of this biography Barack Obama  A young African-American male from a broken family applies his talents  graduates Columbia and Harvard Law; meets and marries his soul mate, has two beautiful children, works with the poor to organize their community, is elected to the  Senate, and become president . Thus here the american dream is reality but it s not always true . 

Indeed the document « going to university » we learned that the American dream to all the same limitations. In the extract from a video from CNN Students News « protest against the rise of tuition fees « Carl Azuz the presenter informed us that violent demonstrations in the streets of London are held about tuition. Indeed a journalist explains that if there is not  manifestation of its kind in the state united simply because people are used to have debts by leaving their universities. The American dream is not so simple because when you enter a large school to have a beautiful profession one spring with lots of debt and we can not directly benefit from our income since the must first refund .

 

To conclude the American dream is possible but  not for everyone, because most people who are successful, we see them as heroes.  But the United States remains an attractive country. Even today, many people dream of living in the country to achieve the American dream. for me, I just think that the American Dream remains a reality for some people. But it becomes little wrong  just because of the country's evolution, especially many debts.

[Jean B]

Bonjour,

Myths and heroes

I am going to talk about the notion of myths and heroes. First of all, I’m going to give the definition of a myth and a hero.
A myth is a story that may or may not be true. Mythology includes the legends of our history, our religions,  stories of how the world was created, and our heroes. These stories have great symbolic power, and so this may be a major reason why they have survived as long as they do for such a long time, sometimes for thousands of years.< present perfect puisqu'il y a un lien passé/présent.  A hero is a person who is admired for their courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities. It can be any character. He can be a source of inspiration for to others. So, is the American dream still alive? 
To my mind, the documents thats seems (1) to best illustrate the notion is are (2) the audio (3) document audio who (4) which speak of (5) is about Oprah and the document with about the biography of Barack Obama and to finish the video document  « Protests against the rise of tuition fees » (1) Le sujet est pluriel = pas de -s final au verbe, c'est élémentaire. (2) sujet pluriel = verbe pluriel (3) l'adjectif DEVANT le nom, c'est également élémentaire. (4) Révise les pronoms relatifs, il y a urgence ! (5) À ma connaissance, seules les personnes parlent !

In the myths of today there is the American dream. It is the notion that the American social, economic and political system makes success possible for every individual. Someone who manages to achieve their version of the American dream is said to be « living the dream ». As Oprah Winfrey is a pure incarnation of the American dream because, started with starting from nothing, she became one of the most influential women < le pluriel SVP ! of in the country, like we saw  in the document audio. < voir plus haut (3) Oprah The fact that she embodies the American Dream makes her a kind of hero for to all her fans. Then Obama also embodies the status of hero since he also managed the American dream indeed in the document of this biography Barack Obama  A young African-American male from a broken family applies his talents,  graduates Columbia and Harvard Law; meets and marries his soul mate, has two beautiful children, works with the poor to organize their community, is elected to the  Senate, and becomes president . Thus here the american dream is reality but it's not always true. 

Indeed the document « going to university » we learned that the American dream to all the same limitations. < ??? In the extract from a video from CNN Students News « protest against the rise of tuition fees « Carl Azuz the presenter informed us that violent demonstrations in the streets of London are held about tuition. Indeed a journalist explains that if there is not no manifestation demonstration of its this kind in the state united United States it's simply because people are used to have debts by when / on leaving their universities. The American dream is not so simple because when you enter join a large prestigious / leading school to have get a beautiful good profession job one spring with lots of debt you have to take out a loan and we so you cannot directly benefit from our your income since the you must first refund.< Tu n'es pas logique : tu as commencé avec le pronom " you " puis tu changes de personne avec " one ", " we " et " our ". Il faut garder la même partout, donc le même pronom.

 

To conclude the American dream is possible but  not for everyone because most people who are successful, we see them  are seen as heroes.  But the United States remains an attractive country. Even today, many people dream of living in the country to achieve the American dream. As for me, I just think that the American Dream remains a reality for some people. But it becomes a little wrong just because of the country's evolution, especially many debts. <Sans vouloir t'offenser, tu termines en " eau de boudin ", ce qui veut dire que ce n'est pas clair. Essaye de reformuler.

[Lilouchocolat]

Ca va merci je vais revoir la conclusion 

[Lilouchocolat]

J'ai pas changé grand chose mais trouvez vous ça mieux ?

 

To conclude the American dream is possible but  not for everyone, because most people who are successful, are seen as heroes what wants to say that they are rare , thus  that's enough incredible .  But the United States remains an attractive country because Even today, many people dream of living in the country to achieve the American dream. As for me, I just think that the American Dream remains a reality for very little people. moreover , it becomes a little wrong  just because of the country's evolution, especially many debts.

 

[Jean B]

Il y a 14 heures, Lilouchocolat a dit :

J'ai pas changé grand chose mais trouvez vous ça mieux ?

To conclude the American dream is possible but not for to everyone because most people who are successful are seen as heroes, what wants to say which means that they are rare, thus  that's enough rather incredible.  But the United States remains an attractive country because even today, many people dream of living in the country to achieve the American dream. As for me, I just think that the American Dream remains a reality for very little few people. Moreover, it becomes a little wrong  just because of the country's evolution, especially many debts. <Quel est le rapport avec ce qui précède ?