correction de synthèse bac

[echarbonnel]

Bonjour, j'ai terminé ma synthèse d'anglais sur l'idée du progrès, ça serait génial si quelqu'un pouvait me relire pour me corriger, merci d'avance et bon après-midi!

 

THE IDEA OF PROGRESS

 

 

 

Now, I’m going to talk you about the Idea of progress. That’s the first notion we have analyzed. Progress is the idea of living in a better world, with growths in medical, ecological, scientifically and of course, the news technologies; the first matter who we think when somebody says “Idea of progress”. By the bye, we are going to focus ourselves on the technological progress. So, is progress always and necessarily positive for us and in our society? We are going to weigh the positives and negatives aspects to give an answer at this topical question.

 

            To begin, we have done a brainstorming in order to introduce this notion. “Technological progress” makes think to high technologies, smartphones, Internet, and the connected objects. In fact, news technologies make life easier, for an example, the communication is made faster and simple.

 

Then, we studied a lot of documents, firstly to prove that the social networks make it possible to find people like Anais Bordier and Samantha Futerman, 2 twins separated at births, who were adopted by two different families, one in France and the other one in America. They were reunited thanks to a video on YouTube, which filmed the American actress Samantha. Anais seen the video and send a message on Facebook to Samantha to tell her their strange likeness. They met face to face in London, Los Angeles and Manhattan and tested their DNA and found they were twins. A documentary is being made about their story.

 

Next, the progress limits the absolute-power of companies thanks to the social medias. It’s the example of the extract from a new topic written by Joseph Erbentraut on a website, posted in November 2014 which tell the story about Jonathan Larson, a young men who has a deadly disease because he suffers from cancer. And because he asked for sick leave for his treatment, he has been fired. But thanks Facebook, it help Larson recover his job, so he was helped out of a nasty situation.

 

To finish with the good points of new technologies, we studied two extracts of article which speak about robots. In fact, according an article on the New York Time’s published in September 2012, robots will improve and help workers and get better the daily too.

 

            But progress has got a lot of bad points too. On the brainstorming, we said that connected objects can be addictive, that’s dangerous for our health and there is no physical contact because it’s only virtual.

 

The article about Larson shows that the media and social media can also ruin a person’s or a company’s reputation.

 

We studied an extract from The Terrible Privacy of Maxwell Sim, written by Jonathan Coe and published in 2010 which talk about a narrator who come back at home because he was absent for 3 weeks and he is disappointed because nobody sent him any message. That shows that people are dependent on the social media and the telephone and without that, they feel lonely. The second extract we studied was from Into the wild by Jon Krakauer in 1996 shows that people are too dependent on modern technology and cannot live without it.

 

Next, it’s difficult to control the progress: the extract from the Observer published in 2001 by Nick Paton WALSH talk about this fear: robots could take the control of our life and invade us.

 

To finish, we studied the song “I wish I was a punk rocker” from Sandi Thom which is nostalgic regarding the older time. She says that progress doesn’t brought the happiness in our life. We could live without that.

 

            So, to recap, we can say that the Idea of progress is reserved. It can be practical for the daily and make life easier but it can be harmful to health and dangerous for the society. In my opinion, progress is important but we mustn’t abuse of that because there is too many dangers and it could be lose the social link.

 

[Jean B]

Bonjour,

THE IDEA OF PROGRESS

 

Now, I’m going to talk to you about the idea of progress. That’s the first notion we have analyzed. Progress is the idea of living in a better world, with growths in medical, ecological, scientifically and of course, the news technologies; it's the first matter who  which we think of when somebody says “idea of progress”. By the bye, we are going to focus ourselves on the technological progress. So, is progress always and necessarily positive for us and in our society? We are going to weigh the positives  and negatives  aspects to give an answer at this topical question.< Rappel utile : les adjectifs sont invariables !

 

            To begin, we have done a brainstorming in order to introduce this notion. “Technological progress” makes us think to about high technologies, smartphones, the Internet and the connected objects. In fact, news technologies make life easier, for an example the communication is made faster and simple. <Révise les règles d'emploi / omission du déterminant "the", c'est essentiel.

 

Then we studied a lot of documents, firstly to prove that the social networks make it possible to find people like Anais Bordier and Samantha Futerman, 2 twins separated at births, who were adopted by two different families, one in France and the other one in America. They were reunited thanks to a video on YouTube, which filmed the American actress Samantha. Anais seen saw the video and send sent a message on Facebook to Samantha to tell her their strange likeness. They met face to face in London, Los Angeles and Manhattan and tested their DNA and found they were twins. A documentary is being made about their story.

 

Next, the progress limits the absolute power of companies thanks to the social medias. It’s the example of the extract from a new topic written by Joseph Erbentraut on a website, posted in November 2014 which tells  the story about Jonathan Larson, a young man  who has a deadly disease because he suffers from cancer. And because he asked for sick leave for his treatment, he has been was fired. But thanks to Facebook, it helped Larson to recover his job, so he was helped out of a nasty situation.

 

To finish with the good points of new technologies, we studied two extracts of from an article which speak is about / deals with robots.< As-tu déjà rencontré un article de presse doué de la parole ?  In fact, according to an article on in the New York Times published in September 2012, robots will improve and help workers and get to better the their daily lives too.< better est également verbe transitif = améliorer sa condition

 

            But progress has got a lot of bad points too. On During the brainstorming session, we said that connected objects can be addictive, that’s dangerous for our health and there is no physical contact because it’s only virtual.

 

The article about Larson shows that the media and social media can also ruin a person’s or a company’s reputation.

 

We studied an extract from The Terrible Privacy of Maxwell Sim, written by Jonathan Coe and published in 2010 which talk <bis ! Nouvelle phrase>  It is about a narrator who comes back at home because he was absent for 3 weeks and he is disappointed because nobody sent him any message. That shows that people are dependent on the social media and the telephone and without that, they feel lonely. The second extract we studied was from Into the wild by Jon Krakauer in 1996 which shows that people are too dependent on modern technology and cannot live without it.

 

Next, it’s difficult to control the  progress: the extract from the Observer published in 2001 by Nick Paton WALSH talk  < ter ! is about this fear: robots could take the control of our lives and invade us. < Contrairement au français, un nom qui est commun à plusieurs sujets se met au pluriel. C'est à mémoriser. Voir autres exemples plus haut et ci-après.

 

To finish, we studied the song “I wish I was a punk rocker” from Sandi Thom which is nostalgic regarding the older time. She says that progress doesn’t brought  bring the happiness in our lives. < base verbale après un auxiliaire, c'est élémentaire. We could live without that.

 

            So, to recap, we can say that the idea of progress is reserved. It can be practical for the our daily lives and make life them easier but it can be harmful to health and dangerous for the society. In my opinion, progress is important but we mustn’t abuse of misuse that because there is  are too many dangers and it could be loose the social link.

NB Relis toujours ton texte comme si c'était celui d'un tiers, cela t'aidera peut-être à repérer tes fautes pour les corriger. J'en ai balisé certaines d'une émoticône qui devrait t'interpeler. Pense qu'un jour d'examen ou de concours, personne ne le fera à ta place. Fais attention également à utiliser le dictionnaire correctement : dans le doute, vérifie dans sa partie anglais-français que l'acception que tu as retenue correspond bien au contexte. Bonne continuation.