Dear Diary...

[Ceeel223]

Bonjour à tous !

Qqqn peut il corriger ça svp ? Merci beaucoup !

July 3rd

My dear diary,

Today was the third day we fought in Gettysburg, another bloody day of history. My old friend, I have not more than you in this day! My brother, my best friend Jacques, my cousin John. . . They all died, hit by the confederates! But let us see things positively, we had just won. When I was waken up this morning, confederates hadn’t attacked yet. So the general Meade ordered us to attack. My battalion was not at the first range, also we hadn’t a lot of dead, until thirteen o’clock. At this moment, the confederates shoot on us with their cannons and our artillery didn’t respond! I’ll learn later that it was to save bullets and that we wouldn’t had been able to win without this. But the facts remains that in a battalion of thirteen soldiers, we were only two survivors. There is still the blood of my dead friends on my uniform. I don’t remember what happened next, just a big black hole. When I woke up, I was in the infirmary. The doctor said that I was lucky and had had only a shock at the head. He explains me that we have won the battle, but that cost many dead. It’s in fact the deadliest battle we ever known in America. They also founded my brother’s body, shot by a rifle.  He’s dead alone, and we don’t know what happened. Tonight we are just seven in my sleeping quarter while we were fifteen this morning. I feel very lonely, and hopes tomorrow will be better.Anyway, all this is finished. Ever

[Jean B]

Bonsoir,

Le 9/1/2016 at 15:28, Ceeel223 a dit :

Bonjour à tous !

Qqqn peut il corriger ça svp ? Merci beaucoup !

July 3rd

My dear diary,

Today was the third day we fought in Gettysburg, another bloody day in/of history. My old friend, I have not more than you in this day! My brother, my best friend Jacques, my cousin John. . . They all died, hit by the Confederates! But let us see things positively, we had just won. When I was waken up this morning, Confederates hadn’t attacked yet. So the general Meade ordered us to attack, my battalion was not at the first range, also we hadn’t a lot of dead, until thirteen 1 o’clock pm. At this moment, the Confederates shoot shot/fired on us with their cannons and our artillery didn’t respond! I’ll learn learnt later that it was to save bullets and that we wouldn’t had have been able to win without this. But the facts remains that in a battalion of thirteen soldiers, we were only two survivors. There is still the blood of my dead friends on my uniform. I don’t remember what happened next, just a big black hole. When I woke up, I was in the infirmary. The doctor said that I was lucky and had had only a shock at the head. He explains explained (to me) that we have had won the battle but that it cost many dead. It’s in fact the deadliest battle we have ever known in America. They also founded my brother’s body, shot by a rifle.  He’s dead died alone, and we don’t know what happened. Tonight we are just seven in my sleeping quarter while we were fifteen this morning. I feel very lonely, and hopes tomorrow will be better. Anyway, all this is finished. For ever.

Compte tenu du sujet, c'est du bon travail.

Attention cependant à bien rester dans le prétérit tout au long de ton récit.

À ton débit, une erreur sur la composition du conditionnel passé : ... we wouldn’t had been able to..., une sur le past perfect have won (concordance des temps) et une petite bévue sur l'heure. 

Autre rappel : pas de déterminant devant un titre ou grade suivi d'un nom propre ie le général Meade = Ø general Meade.

Bonne continuation.