My ideal town

[Paulineee7]

Bonjour, j'ai un exposé en anglais à enregistrer sur ma ville idéale et j'ai l'impression que mon travail est un peu lourd et avec des fautes. De plus je dois mettre des points négatifs que je ne trouve pas. Quelqu'un peut m'aider le plus vite possible ? Merci d'avance

 

Voici mon travail 

Phoenix Town would be a post apocalyptic metropolitan city who would like New York City or Chicago in a remot place. In the past, in the town almost everythings would destroy by a nuclear war.

First, the buildings would be derelict's skyscrapers but they would be modern and high. In my city, everythings would be big. There wouldn't have cars, there only would have trains.

Besides, everyone would have fun because there would have many entertainments such as a fun fair and the biggest tyrolian in the world.

Morever, my ideal town would have a low crime rate, a high employement rate, and a solid economy. There wouldn't have just ont leader. For egality, there would have several leaders from the society.

Then, the population would be dauntless and they would be looking for extrem sensations. People would say they would be crazy but they would be just free. Besides, the y wouldn't need money. Everyone would make his part to help the city and each one would have a job to rebuilt the town and the society.

[Jean B]

Bonjour,

Le 3/1/2016 at 13:33, Paulineee7 a dit :

Bonjour, j'ai un exposé en anglais à enregistrer sur ma ville idéale et j'ai l'impression que mon travail est un peu lourd et avec des fautes. De plus je dois mettre des points négatifs que je ne trouve pas. Quelqu'un peut m'aider le plus vite possible ? Merci d'avance

 

Voici mon travail 

Phoenix Town would be a post apocalyptic metropolitan city who  would be like New York City or Chicago in a remote place. <Quel(s) relatif(s) peut-on employer avec un antécédent de chose ? In the past, in the town almost everythings would have been destroyed by a nuclear war. <On fait mieux pour une "ville idéale", non ? Où veux-tu en venir ?

First, the buildings would be derelict's skyscrapers but they would be modern and high. <Depuis quand un adjectif prendrait-il la marque du génitif ? In my city, everythings  would be big. There wouldn't have  cars, < Par quel verbe se rend "il y a" en anglais ? there would only have  trains.

Besides, everyone would have fun because there would have  many entertainments such as a fun fair and the biggest tyrolian roller-coaster/scenic railway in the world.

Morever, my ideal town would have a low crime rate, a high employement rate and a solid strong economy. There wouldn't just have encore ! one leader. For egality To promote equality, there would have several leaders from the society.

Then, the population would be dauntless and they would be looking for extreme feelings/sensations. People would say they would be crazy but they would be just free. Besides, they wouldn't need money. Everyone would play his their part to help the city and each one would have a job to rebuilt < Ce n'est pas la base verbale. Révise les verbes irréguliers ! the town and the society.

Corrige toutes les fautes juste signalées en t'appuyant sur mes annotations, ta grammaire, ton dictionnaire puis reviens pour vérification.

[Paulineee7]

Merci beaucoup de m'avoir aider. Par contre je ne comprend pas pourquoi je dois supprimer le "have" dans plusieurs de mes phrases?

[Jean B]

Il y a 15 heures, Paulineee7 a dit :

Merci beaucoup de m'avoir aider. Par contre je ne comprend pas pourquoi je dois supprimer le "have" dans plusieurs de mes phrases?

Tu ne dois pas le supprimer puisque je l'ai fait mais le remplacer par le BON verbe ! Idem pour le pronom relatif de la première phrase ; remplace-le par le BON ! Relis mes commentaires. C'est de la grammaire élémentaire.