Discours contre la guerre, correction

[rosalieflo]

Bonjour, je recherche de l'aide pour la correction du discours ci-dessous!

Dear leaders of our world, so powerful that you can still decide on the death of human being, look at us. And try to tell us, that the war is necessary. Try to tell us that you are just doing your job when you send your own people on war fields. Try to tell us that the dead children we see on Tv news are necessary collateral damages. Try to tell us that we have to trust you with our life, when you choose that we have to kill each other. Try to explain to us why violence is still your favorite weapon. We will try, knowing that it is a life or death matter. While you will try to make your set phrases convincing, we would try to think about a better world. We would try by knowing that our lives depend on it.

Citizens of the world, unlike our leaders, we will success to forget that the violence is an option. Our advantage is that we know that the war will never make winner among us. But we can change the rules of their bloody games. How could we let innocents die in wars which are never really right? How could we accept that our soldiers serve as weapons of destruction against peoples from whom the only crime is to have been born in dictatorships? How could we believe that the life of our enemies costs less than ours?

Say that the war is always avoidable seems utopian. Say that the war is always avoidable is like dreaming awakened. But the world, today more than ever, needs more utopians and more dreamers. All advanced humanist in the History of our civilizations were dreamed before being realized. Then, the world needs us to have to courage of dreamed about a world released from the war. We have to show to the politicians what courage looks like. And when we will be millions of dreamers, the nightmare of the war can finally come to an end.

[Jean B]

Bonsoir,

Dear leaders of our world, so powerful that you can still decide on the death of human beings, look at us. And try to convince/tell us that the war is necessary. < pas de déterminant dans la généralité Try to tell us that you are just doing your job when you send your own people on war fields. Try to tell us that the dead children we see on TV news are necessary collateral damages. Try to tell us that we have to trust you with our life lives when you choose that we have to kill each other. < contrairement au français, un nom qui est commun à plusieurs sujets se met au pluriel Try to explain to us why violence is still your favorite weapon. We will try, knowing that it is a life or death matter. While you will try to make your set phrases convincing, we would will try to think about a better world. We would will try by knowing that our lives depend on it. < dans une subordonnée de temps introduite par when/as soon as/while, etc. le verbe se met soit au présent soit au present perfect, jamais au futur will + BV - Seul le verbe de la principale se met au futur will+ BV Citizens of the world, unlike our leaders, we will success to forget succeed in forgetting that the violence is an option. Our advantage is that we know that the war will never make a winner among us. But we can change the rules of their bloody games. How could we let innocents die in wars which are never really right? How could we accept that our soldiers serve as weapons of destruction against peoples from whom the whose only crime is to have been born in dictatorships? How could we believe that the life lives of our enemies costs are less valuable than ours?

Saying that the war is always avoidable seems utopian. < un gérondif (v-ing) peut prendre les fonctions d'un nom, ce que ne peut pas une Base Verbale  (infinitif sans to) Saying that the war is always avoidable is like dreaming awakened a daydream. But the world, today more than ever, needs more utopians and more dreamers. All advanced humanisms in the History of our civilizations were dreamed before being realized fulfilled/achieved. Then the world needs us to have the courage of dreaming about a world released from the war. We have to show to the politicians what courage looks like. And when we will be are millions of dreamers, the nightmare of the war can finally come to an end.

Réflexion de haut niveau, bravo. Je te conseille de bien revoir les règles d'emploi/omission du déterminant "the", c'est essentiel.

Very good job, keep going! Have a merry Christmas!