Aide pour une lettre de motivation SVP

[remua77]

Bonjour, je suis en dut genie civil et je souhaite rédiger une lettre de motivation en anglais pour pouvoir effectuer un stage à Londres et un semestre en Ecosse. J'aurais besoin d'aide pour la correction s'il vous plaît.

Dear Sir, 

I write this letter to you because I would like to apply for a work placement in a design office in London. During my last work placement, I often went on building sites even if I were on the execution side. I want to become a project manager and I think it’s important to see both sides to do my job well. Project managers, who have worked and have rubbed shoulders with persons in charge of designing a project, know difficulties and respect their job.
I think it’s in these conditions that they can do a good teamwork and that’s why I have made the choice to do my future work placement in a design office.

Validating my first year of studies, made me become a person more motivated and more dynamic. Moreover, the seasonal work that I have made for three consecutive years allowed me to acquire speed and efficiency. This summer job allowed me to accentuate my sense of responsibility as well. Furthermore, thanks to the work placement of my first year, carried out as part of the army which have its own Civil Engineering Department, I was able to take initiative. When I was young, I have travelled a lot in Africa. So I had to change school frequently. That provided me a lot and thanks to this, I think I will be able to get used to a new environment and new customs more easily than anyone else. Then, doing theatre helped me to have more confidence in myself and to deal with the stress.

I think that thanks to my different experiences, I will be able to work abroad. Then, I have never been in England and I have heard a lot of things about this country but I really want to make up my own mind. Next, I would prefer working in the sector of the building trade than the sector of energy systems because I’m more interested in the the construction of building frames. To finish, I would like to do my fourth semester abroad too, more precisely in Scotland, but I’m more apprehensive about this solution even if I know it’s a huge opportunity.

If you need more details, I join my resume with this letter. I hope you will give me the chance to live this experience.

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely, xx

 

Merci d'avance à la personne qui voudra bien me corriger

[Jean B]

Bonjour,

Dear Sir, 

I write this letter to you because I would like wish to apply for a work placement in a design office in London. During my last work placement, I often went on building sites even if I were on the execution side. I want to become a project manager and I think it is important to see both sides to do my job well. Project managers, who have worked and have rubbed shoulders with persons in charge of designing a project, know difficulties and respect their job.
I think that thanks to these conditions they can do a good teamwork and that is why I have made the choice chosen to do my future work placement in a design office.

·       Inutile de dire que tu écris la lettre puisqu’il est en train de la lire !

·       Le conditionnel de politesse me paraît inadapté puisque tu souhaites/veux faire ce stage. L’anglais est pragmatique et va droit au but.

·       Il est préférable d’éviter les contractions verbales dans ce type de lettre.

Validating my first year of studies made me become a person more motivated and more dynamic person. Moreover, the seasonal work that I have made for three consecutive years allowed me to acquire speed and efficiency. This summer job also allowed me to accentuate increase/deepen my sense of responsibility as well. Furthermore, thanks to that work placement of my first year, I carried out as part of the army military service which have its own in the army Civil Engineering Department, I was able to take initiative. When I was younger, I have travelled a lot in Africa, so I had to change schools frequently. That provided me I got a lot out of that and thanks to this, so I think I will be able to get used to a new environment and new customs more easily than anyone else. Then doing theatre being on the stage helped me to have more confidence in myself get more self-confident and (to) deal with the stress.

·       Au risque de m’être trompé, j’ai compris que tu avais accompli ce stage pendant ton service militaire. Si ce n’est pas le cas, merci de ton retour d’information.

I think that thanks to my different various experiences, I will be enable me to work abroad. Then I have never been in to England and I have heard a lot of things about this country but I really want to make up my own mind. Next I would prefer working rather work in the sector of the building trade field than the sector of energy systems one because I am more interested in the the construction of building frames. To finish I would like to do my fourth semester abroad too, more precisely in Scotland, but I am more apprehensive about this solution even if I know it is a huge great opportunity.

If Should you need more details, I join please see my enclosed résumé with this letter. I hope you will give me the a chance to live this experience and look forward to hear from you soon.

Thank you for your consideration.

Yours sincerely, xx

 

Bonne chance.

 

 

[remua77]

Messages fusionnés

Je vous remercie beaucoup pour cette correction !  Alors en fait, j'ai fait un stage en 1ere année de DUT au sein de l'armée. 

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Excusez le double message, je n'arrive pas à éditer. Donc pour préciser, ce n'était pas pendant le service militaire. Du coup la correction change ?

[Jean B]

Rectification :

Furthermore, thanks to the work placement I carried out in the army Civil Engineering Department, I was able to take initiative.

Répéter que tu l'as accompli pendant ta première année d'études ne me paraît pas primordial.