Besoin D'une Correction S'il Vous Plaît.

[howard82]

Bonjour ou bonsoir !

 

Je me permets de solliciter votre aide pour une correction si cela ne vous dérange pas

 

Il s'agit d'un oral que je dois préparer concernant la notion de "Spaces and Exchanges", et plus précisément le phénomène de l'immigration.

 

Voici ce que j'ai fait:

 

First of all, I think it would be interesting and even relevant to define the notion I have to deal with. A space can have several aspects. For instance, It can be something measurable in length, it can be an area or a volume, used or filled with a physical object as well. The term "exchanges" send us back to the commercial exchanges but also this notion deals more specifically with the immigration phenomenon. In order to illustrate this notion, we're going to focus on this phenomenon and we're going to try to know why the immigrants immigrate in the USA and what difficulties they can encounter. To answer these questions, I’ve chosen two documents. The first one, entitled "The border", deals with Mexican immigration to the US and the dangers that immigrants may face. The second document is entitled "Almost There". It’s extracted from a Colm Toibin’s novel published in 2009, called "Brooklyn". This passage tells the immigration of Eilis, a young Irish immigrating  to the United States and explains the difficulties she encounters..

 

The first document shows that for a long time, the Mexicans have tried to avoid slum-like living conditions and crossed the borders to reach the United States. Many of them die during this travel. Indeed, travelling conditions are very difficult. Sometimes, immigrants have to confront the desert, its extreme heat and risk of being famished and parched. In short, they risk their lives to reach the American dream. Unfortunately, few of them achieve this ideal. Some of them can’t cross the border because they don’t have the required travel documents, so they can’t cross legally. It’s also important to note that most of immigrants don’t cross with their family. Some even leave their kids behind. Besides, so as to prevent illegal entries, a border patrol corps keep a close eye on the border fence. Even arrived in the Promised Land, some other difficulties are often experienced by those who managed to cross the border. For example, the employment. Indeed, Mexican immigrants don’t have much of a choice but to accept the jobs that the American don’t want. Often ungrateful and very tough jobs.

 

The second document shows us other difficulties that Eilis, young Irish immigrant has to face, like Mexican immigrants, to achieve the American dream and live a better life. Indeed, for economic reasons, she leaves her hometown in order to find a job in the fashion industry in the USA and specifically in Brooklyn. She encounters some difficulties, like homesickness. Even though she finds her place in Brooklyn, these difficulties prevent her from going on and arouse many doubts. These are sizable difficulties in this immigration phenomenon. As we noted above, many immigrants leave their relatives behind. The context is also very important because the story takes place in the 1950’s with women’s empowerment on the one hand, and on the other hand, the unemployment problem in Ireland, promoting the immigration to countries like the United States.

 

Thus, America is presented as a land where anybody can do anything. A land where everybody can find a job and build a brand new life. Most of immigrants leave their country because of this “everything’s possible” idea. They look for a better life, and the USA is considered as a country where we can do whatever we want, thanks to its constant expansion and its economic dynamism. According to this idea, even the poorest people can get rich. That’s what we call the “American dream”. Hundreds of thousands of people left their country, at the beginning of the past century, to avoid poverty and starvation like in Mexico or Ireland. Leaving in the USA offered considerable possibilities to get a better and more comfortable life.  Besides, the mexican immigration to the USA has benefits and challenges.  The USA would only like to have the good things and erase what’s harmful to the country. For this, the USA don’t hesitate to use different means like fences and border patrols. However, immigration keeps going and still brings problems like violence and economic degrowth. As for the mexican government, it would like to keep its population in the country in order to improve the economic situation, but most of the Mexican population give a little thought to this improvement attempt and look for a better life, elsewhere.

 

 

Merci d'avance !

 

[Jean B]

Bonjour,

 

Sauf rares bévues, ton anglais est très correct mais c'est de l'écrit, pas de l'oral.

Aussi, en prévision du jour J, je te conseille de faire une fiche sur laquelle tu ne noteras que le plan détaillé de ta présentation, les idées principales assorties de quelques mots clés.

C'est à partir de ces seuls éléments - non rédigés - que tu feras le commentaire oral. Il n'en sera que plus authentique même si tu es amené à hésiter parfois. Un simple coup d'oeil à ta fiche suffira alors à te remettre sur les rails.

Bonne chance.

 

First of all, I think it would be interesting and even relevant to define the notion I have to deal with. A space can have several aspects. For instance, It can be something measurable in length, it can be an area or a volume, used or filled with a physical object as well. The term "exchanges" sends us back to the commercial exchanges but also this notion also deals more specifically with the immigration phenomenon. In order to illustrate this notion, we're going to focus on this phenomenon and we're going to try to know why the immigrants immigrate into the USA and what difficulties they can encounter. To answer these questions, I’ve chosen two documents. The first one, entitled "The border", deals with Mexican immigration to the US and the dangers that immigrants may face. The second document is entitled "Almost there". It’s extracted from a Colm Toibin’s novel published in 2009, called "Brooklyn". This passage tells the immigration of Eilis, a young Irish immigrating into the United States and explains the difficulties she encounters..

 The first document shows that for a long time, the Mexicans have tried to avoid slum-like living conditions and crossed the borders to reach the United States for a long time. Many of them die during this travel. Indeed, travelling conditions are very difficult. Sometimes, immigrants have to confront the desert, its extreme heat and risk of being famished and parched. In short, they risk their lives to reach the American dream. Unfortunately, few of them achieve this ideal. Some of them can’t cross the border because they don’t have the required travel documents, so they can’t cross legally. It’s also important to note that most of immigrants don’t cross with their family. Some even leave their kids behind. Besides, so as to prevent illegal entries, a border patrol corps keep a close eye on the border fence. Even after they have arrived in the Promised Land, some other difficulties are often experienced by those who managed to cross the border. For example, the employment. Indeed, Mexican immigrants don’t have much of a choice but to accept the jobs that the Americans don’t want. Often ungrateful unrewarding and very tough jobs.

 The second document shows us other difficulties that Eilis, young Irish immigrant, has to face, like Mexican immigrants, to achieve the American dream and live a better life. Indeed, for economic reasons, she leaves her hometown in order to find a job in the fashion industry in the USA and specifically in Brooklyn. She encounters some difficulties, like homesickness. Even though she finds her place in Brooklyn, these difficulties prevent her from going on and arouse many doubts. These are sizable difficulties in this immigration phenomenon. As we noted above before, many immigrants leave their relatives behind. The context is also very important because the story takes place in the 1950’s with women’s empowerment on the one hand, and on the other hand, the unemployment problem in Ireland on the other hand, promoting the that contributed to immigration into countries like the United States.

 Thus, America is presented as a land where anybody can do anything. A land where everybody can find a job and build a brand new life. Most of immigrants leave their country because of this “everything’s possible” idea. They look for a better life and the USA is considered as a country where we can do whatever we want, thanks to its constant expansion and its economic dynamism. According to this idea, even the poorest people can get rich. That’s what we call the “American dream”. Hundreds of thousands of people left their country at the beginning of the past century to avoid poverty and starvation like in Mexico or Ireland. Leaving in to the USA offered considerable possibilities to get a better and more comfortable life.  Besides, the Mexican immigration into the USA has benefits and challenges.  The USA would only like to have the good things and erase what’s harmful to the country. For this, the USA doesn’t hesitate to use different means like fences and border patrols. However, immigration keeps going and still brings problems like violence and economic degrowth decline. As for the Mexican government, it would like to keep its population in the country in order to improve the economic situation, but most of the Mexican population give a little thought to this improvement attempt and look for a better life, elsewhere.

[howard82]

Je vous remercie beaucoup !

 

Ce n'est pas un oral à proprement parler devant un professeur, nous devons nous enregistrer. Mais bien évidemment, ce sont ici mes idées développées en paragraphes argumentés, mais ce sera synthétisé en "grandes idées" et développé à l'oral selon mes connaissances.

 

Encore merci pour votre temps,

 

A bientôt.