Réécriture D'une Histoire Existante

[NLV]

bonjour, voilà je suis en première L et j ai vraiment du mal en anglais alors pouvez vous me corriger svp =) merci d'avance

Je devais écrire une histoire en m inspirant et en déformant une histoire déjà existante

Texte :

Once upon a time in dark forest lived 7 dwarfs and a young woman. These dwarfs were dreaded by all the warriors There had doc sneezy sleepy grumpy happy bashful and dopey they were nasty and savage. The young woman was called white snow she was held by these abominable creatures for 5 long years. Every days they beat her, they raped her and mistreated her. She did the dishes the linen and the beds. her life was sad it was hell One day while the dwarfs were in diamond mines one old witch came to sell her brooms. it s a first people to venture in this forest . Snow White told her its story and the witch gave her a magic potion. In the evening while she prepared the dinner she put the potion in the soup and was of use it to seven dwarfs . The head began to swell and quite slowly they burst to smithereens. Snow White saved himself, crossed the forest and arrived at the village. After two days of research she found the witch and thanked her. They got acquainted and they lived happily ever after .

Je sais que c est pas de très bonne qualité mais n'hésitez pas à me dire ce qui va vraiment pas

merci beaucoup =)

[Jean B]

Bonsoir,

Pour plus de clarté, j'ai modifié le titre de ton sujet.

Once upon a time there lived 7 dwarfs and a young woman in a dark forest.<< le complément de lieu vient logiquement après. These dwarfs were dreaded by all the warriors. << quels guerriers ? Ils ne sont aucunement déterminés. Revois les règles d'emploi/omission de "the", c'est essentiel. There had They were/Their names were/ doc, sneezy, sleepy, grumpy, happy, bashful and dopey, they were nasty and savage.<< majuscule aux noms propres The young woman was called white snow, she was had been held/detained by these abominable creatures for 5 long years.<< l'antériorité dans le passé s'exprime par le past perfect Every days they beat her, they raped her and mistreated her.<< every + nom singulier She did the dishes/washing-up, washed the linen and made the beds.<< contrairement au français, tu ne peux pas appliquer le même verbe aux 3 actions Her life was sad, it was hell. << et la ponctuation ? Oubliée sur ton clavier ? One day, while the dwarfs were in diamond mines, one old witch came to sell her brooms. it s a She was the first people person to venture in this forest. << relis-toi Snow White told her its her story and the witch gave her a magic potion.<< Tu as repris le véritable nom de l'héroïne, il faudrait savoir.

<< l'adjectif possessif doit être accordé en genre avec le possesseur, c'est élémentaire In the evening, while she prepared was preparing/cooking the dinner, she White Snow poured/put the potion into the soup and was of use served it to the seven dwarfs. The Their heads began to swell and quite slowly they burst to smithereens. Snow White saved himself ran away, crossed the forest and arrived at the village. After searching for two days of research she found the witch and thanked her. They got acquainted and they lived happily ever after.

Au risque de me tromper, j'ai eu parfois la désagréable impression que tu avais utilisé un traducteur en ligne.

Il faut absolument te relire, je suis à peu près sûr que tu aurais pu ainsi éviter la plupart de ces bévues.

[NLV]

Oui j ai utilisé un site de traduction :S

Je vous remercie d avoir pris le temps de corriger mes nombreuses erreurs

[Jean B]

Oui j ai utilisé un site de traduction :S