Corection, Besoin D'aide Svp

[Hprince]

Bonjour a tous je suis en T ES et je dois parler de la notion mythes et héros j'ai fais un petit résumé de la notion où je parle de Steve Jobs je voudrais que vous le corrigiez si cela est possible

Merci d'avance

voici ma rédaction

I'll talk about the concept myth and hero but first I'll define. Myth is a legendary story featuring imaginary characters including several lines correspond to a human ideal. Hero is a fictional character or a real person who performed noble acts of courage and shows he protects an ideology or people facing danger. Some person who succeeded in his life, who bring new ideas revolutionary become icons and a model of inspiration and sometimes even of imitation.One of the latter type of person is Steve Jobs we will see why it has become a symbol of success and a model for imitation.

Steve Jobs was born in 1955 in San Francisco in the United States is adopted at birth by Paul and Clara Jobs. Young Steve grew up in modest circumstances, but is already showing signs of precocity. At the age of 12, he built a frequency counter. At school he befriended Steve Wozniak, are very attracted by the electronics. Steve is surrendering his studies at the university and a few years later he created a company with his friend Wozniak called Apple. In 1976 they released their first computer, Apple I, then, one year later Apple II, which became their first big success. A 23-year-old Steve Jobs wins his first million dollars. In 1984 he launched his first Macintosh and meeting the success we know now. After several years of absence he returned in 1996 and became the CEO of Apple. In 2000 he successfully conquered for a new market, the music market with its iPod. In 2007 he launched a new smartphone that has revolutionized the world of new technology. Despite his career success and in 2004 he announced that he has cancer and in 2011 it quite this world leaving a large trail behind him.

This person has not only facilitated the daily life of everyone, but also revolutionize the technological world with its innovations. His career has become a model for young people as not having completed it created a company that in 2012 became the most expensive company in the world. For me he is a good model of inspiration and admiration.

[Jean B]

Bonjour,

I'll I'm going to talk about the myth and hero concept but first I'll define it first. <be going to + V plutôt que will + V quand la décision est déjà prise A myth is a legendary story featuring imaginary characters including several lines corresponding to a human ideal. A hero is a fictional character or a real person who performed noble acts of courage and shows he protects an ideology or people facing danger. Some person people who succeeded in his life their lives/led successful lives, who bring brought new ideas revolutionary ideas, become icons and a model of inspiration and are sometimes even of imitation imitated. <Evite de mélanger singulier et pluriel dans la même phrase One of the latter type of person is Steve Jobs: we will see <voir plus haut why it he has become a symbol of success and a model for imitation.

Steve Jobs was born in 1955 in San Francisco in the United States. Nouvelle phrase> He is was adopted at birth by Paul and Clara Jobs.<Tu fais le récit d'un événement passé et révolu = prétérit Young Steve grew up in modest circumstances, but is already showing showed signs of precocity.<idem ! At the age of 12, he built a frequency counter. At school he befriended Steve Wozniak, are both were very attracted by the to electronics. Steve is surrendering his studies gave up studying at the university and a few years later he created a company with his friend Wozniak called Apple. In 1976 they released their first computer, Apple I, then, one year later Apple II, which became their first big success. A 23-year-old Steve Jobs wins won his first million dollars. In 1984 he launched his first Macintosh and meeting found the success we know now. After several years of absence he returned in 1996 and became the CEO of Apple. In 2000 he successfully conquered for a new market, the music new market with its his iPod.<l'adjectif possessif s'accorde avec le possesseur, pas l'objet possédé In 2007 he launched a new smartphone that has revolutionized the world of new technology. Despite his career success and in 2004 he announced in 2004 that he has had cancer and in 2011 it quite he quit this world in 2011 leaving a large trail behind him.<Tu ferais bien de te souvenir qu'il y a 3 pronoms sujet de la 3ème personne singulier !

This person has not only facilitated the daily life of everyone's daily life, but also revolutionized the technological world with its his innovations. His career has become a model for young people as not having completed it created <??? Ça n'a pas de sens a company that in 2012 became the most expensive company in the world. For To me he is a good model of inspiration and admiration.

Conseil : ouvre ta grammaire et potasse-la de façon à vite combler les lacunes signalées.

[Hprince]

Merci beaucoup de votre aide et surtout pour vos conseils

je voudrais savoir ce qui n'a pas de sens dans cette phrase et qu'est ce qu'il faut modifier ?

His career has become a model for young people as not having completed it created <??? Ça n'a pas de sens a company that in 2012 became the most expensive company in the world. For To me he is a good model of inspiration and admiration.

[Jean B]

Merci beaucoup de votre aide et surtout pour vos conseils

je voudrais savoir ce qui n'a pas de sens dans cette phrase et qu'est ce qu'il faut modifier ?

His career has become a model for young people as not having completed it created <??? Ça n'a pas de sens a company that in 2012 became the most expensive company in the world. For To me he is a good model of inspiration and admiration.

[Hprince]

oui c'est exactement ça en fait je voulais dire que ce n'est pas une simple entreprise qu'il a créé mais une entreprise qui est le numéro 1 et la plus cher entreprise du monde en 2012

[Jean B]

oui c'est exactement ça en fait je voulais dire que ce n'est pas une simple entreprise qu'il a créé mais une entreprise qui est le numéro 1 et la plus cher entreprise du monde en 2012