Correction

[dreamthelife]

Consigne :

You're an American fashion designer who created trendy clothes for the XXXL. You're delivering a speech to explain your opinion concerning the power of appearances, the damage it can cause and what can be done to improve one's self esteem when one is not happy with his/her physical appearence

Mon discours :

Hi everybody ! I'm here to explain why I decided t create this collection.

I create this collection for all obese people. My new collection entitled : " good in your body ". With my new collection, obese people can wear trendy clothes and they prove we can be beautiful even if we have problems of obesity. You laugh obese people but you don't know their past. The most = (la plupart ?) looking for confort in food. Nobody see their qualities only focus on their physical appearence. Obese people are ashamed, complex-ridden, and lonely. Nobody hepls so it's why I create clothes for the XXXL. Epidemic obesity become a serious problem in USA and obese people are constentaly judge. Often, obese people eat a; lone, they haven't got really friends and they never known the love. It's so sad and I decided to fight me for them. I advise to obese people, they must change their alimentary habits for them, for their health not for the other. They must found a way to have self-confidence

- Vous pouvez me corriger s'il vous plait ?

- Trouvez vous que c'est suffisant ? Que je respecte la consigne ? Avez vous d'autres idées ?

Merci d'avance!

[Jean B]

Bonjour,

Hi everybody!<C'est correct mais sans aucun doute trop familier pour introduire un discours.Good morning / evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm here to explain why I decided to create this collection.

I created <Tu as commencé avec le prétérit, continue donc ! this collection it <le pronom permet d'éviter la répétition du nom que tu viens d'employer for all obese people. My new collection entitled : " Feel good in your body ".<L'adjectif employé seul ne convient pas. Il faudrait employer well plutôt With<Attention au(x) calque(s) du français Thanks to my new collection, obese people can wear trendy clothes and they prove we they can be beautiful even if we they have / problems of with obesity /obesity problems.<Sois logique ! Tu commences par évoquer les obèses en général avec le pronom they puis tu te comptes dans leur nombre avec we. C'est l'un ou l'autre, pas les 2 en même temps. You laugh at obese people<se moquer de qqn = to laugh at sb but you don't know their past. The Most = (la plupart ?) looking for confort in food.<Que vient faire là cette forme -ing seule ? Revois les règles d'emploi du présent simple et du présent be v-ing Nobody realizes/is aware of/sees<Nobody est forcément un singulier, pas vrai ? their qualities but everyone only focuses on their physical appearance. Obese people are ashamed, complex-ridden and lonely. Nobody helps them so that's why I create clothes for the XXXL. Epidemic obesity is becoming a serious problem<Varie ton vocabulaire health hazard in the USA and obese people are constantly judged. Often, obese people eat alone, they haven't got really <l'adjectif, pas l'adverbe friends and they never known the love. <Révise les verbes irréguliers qu'il FAUT connaître sans faille et l'emploi/omission du déterminant the, c'est essentiel. It's so sad and I decided to fight me for them.<En anglais, la plupart des verbes sont à la fois simples et pronominaux I recommend/advise to obese people they must change their alimentary eating habits for them, for their health not for the others'.<Cette dernière lapalissade n'est-elle pas un brin puérile ? They must found find <Aïe, aïe, aïe ! Un modal DOIT toujours être suivi d'une base verbale, c'est élémentaire. Au delà de ça, j'espère que tu ne confonds pas to find/found/found (v irrégulier) = trouver et to found (v régulier) = fonder a way to have self-confidence get/grow self-confident.

[dreamthelife]

Merci beaucoup

[Jean B]

Avec plaisir.