News Of The Week

[alexandrafoot38]

bonjour tout le monde, j'ai reussi (je pense) à terminer ma news of the week, si quelqu'un pouvait m'aider a corriger et m'expliquer mes fautes pour eviter que je ne les refasse ! merci

Today, I’m going to talk about a new wave of bullying; it’s the video of bullying which circulates on the internet. Indeed, Monday, the 29^th of September; a 17 years old teenager « Lucie » was mugged by a teen of the same age. In this video, we see Lucie lying on the ground, getting beaten up very savagely. The scene was filmed by a young boy who was laughing with 3 other boys. The wild girl including these boys is currently under police custody. This occurrence is not unreminiscent of the Alicia Durand’s case that had beaten up a disabled young girl in a park, 2 weeks ago. In both videos, the aggressor belonged to a band. On the internet, facebook pages have been created in order to support the victims. Despite of a lot of awareness campaigns, the bullying and the discrimination continue. And because of internet, there is a growing trend of bullying because young people want to get the buzz going. These events had chocked a lot of internet user; we can see many insults to young aggressors, and everybody saying that these girls must be put in prison. Because the people would like serves as a lesson for that nobody start again.

As for me, I think that this persons are real bad example for younger, it’s very chocking that young use the violence to be interesting. Personally, I don’t think that this technique don’t function because now, the people who was watched both videos hates these girls. And I don’t understand why they can film themselves in the act of hit someone. For me, these girls should be confining, especially Alicia Durand who was ridiculed a stranger just to show off. I hope that this form of bullying will expire with videos because to be ridicule in front of France because of YouTube must be hard to take. I don’t like that one day, I’m quietly in the act walk in the street and a girl of my age come! And… hit me just to put on airs in front of with friends. But there is a thing which trouble me it’s that, a lot of internet user said that they will hit these girls if they saw however in the Alicia Durand’s video, I see persons who walk not far and nobody come help she. It’s for it that I think that everybody speak too.

Le debut est deja corriger mais je l'ai mis pour votre compréshension du sujet

[Ezehkiel Jones]

Hello' ! Je vois déjà que tu as laissé quelques fautes que je t'avais corrigé ! PAS BIEN !

Alors voilà:

Today, I’m going to talk about a new wave of bullying; it’s the video of bullying which circulates on the internet. Indeed, Monday, the 29^th of September; a seventeen-year-old girl (On dit "I'm 17 years old" mais "I'm a seventeen-year-old teenager"). « Lucie » was mugged by a teen of the same age. In this video, we see Lucie lying on the ground, getting beaten up very savagely. The scene was filmed by a young boy who was laughing with 3 other boys. The wild girl and ("the wild girl" n'est pas un groupe, donc "these boys" ne sont pas "included on the wild girl") these boys are (ils sont plusieurs) currently under police custody. This occurrence is not unreminiscent of the Alicia Durand’s case who (on parle ici d'Alice, donc d'une personne) had beaten up a disabled young girl in a park, 2 weeks ago. In both videos, the aggressor belonged to a group ("band" plutôt pour un groupe de musique). On the internet, facebook pages have been created in order to support the victims. Despite of a lot of awareness campaigns, the bullying and the discrimination continue. And because of the internet, there is a growing trend of bullying because young people want to get the buzz going. These events have chocked (privilégier plutôt le present perfect dans le contexte) a lot of internet users (a lot, donc beaucoup, donc plusieurs); we can see a flood of (un flot d'insultes, "many" n'est quantitatif que plus des "countable nouns") insults to the young aggressors, and everybody is saying (to be+ing) that these girls have to be jailed (plus court et tout aussi pertinent). Because people want it to serve as a lesson so that it never happens again. (grosse correction de phrase que tu avais traduite mots par mots)

As far as I'm concerned (as for me voulant dire "quant à moi" selon une comparaison, tu peux aussi dire "In my opinion" ou "To my mind), I think that these (these pluriel de this) persons are setting the wrong example ("donnent le mauvais exemple") for the youth. It’s very chocking that some young people (ce n'est pas une généralité) use the violence to be interesting. Personally, I don’t think it works ("je ne pense pas que cela fonctionne", beaucoup plus concis et juste) because now, people who watched both videos hate these girls. And I don’t understand how they can film themselves beating someone. To my mind ("à mon avis..."), these girls should be locked up (enfermées), especially Alicia Durand who has humiliated (to ridicule ne concerne que soi "se tourner en ridicule") a stranger just to show off. I hope that this form of bullying will disappear (disparaître) with the videos because to be ridicule in front of France because of YouTube must be hard to take (je ne comprends pas ce que tu voulais dire, à éclaircir.). I'm afraid to get beaten up down the street, someday, by a girl who will be the same age as I am and who will want to give herself airs and graces in front of her friends (j'ai peur qu'un jour, dans la rue, je me fasse frapper par une fille de mon âge qui voudrait seulement se donner des airs devant ses amis.) But if there is one thing which troubles me it’s that a lot of internet users said that they would hit these girls if they saw them. However, in the video of Alicia Durand (ce n'est pas vraiment sa vidéo à elle, mais plutôt une vidéo qui la montre.), I see a few persons walking not so far away (quelques personnes marchant pas si loin) and nobody comes to help the young girl (pour rappeler un peu le contexte). That's why (c'est pourquoi) I think that everybody speaks too much.

A revoir donc et à réécrire "au propre". Pense à repasser ici quand c'est fait pour une dernière vérification. Mais pas besoin de créer un nouveau sujet.

Best regards,

[alexandrafoot38]

Merci encore

En rouge je voulais dire qu etre ridiculiser devant la france a cause de youtube doit etre dur a supporter

[Ezehkiel Jones]

Alors " 'cause it must be unbearable to be humiliated in front of the entire France because of Youtube."

[alexandrafoot38]

ah merci je viens de voir ta phrase mais comme tu n'avais pas compris la mienne je l'ai changer, peux-tu me dire si elle fonctionne ? Je te remets tout mon texte pour une dernière vérification comme tu me l'avais demandé :

Today, I’m going to talk about a new wave of bullying; it’s the video of bullying which circulates on the internet. Indeed, Monday, the 29^th of September; a 17 years old teenager « Lucie » was mugged by a teen of the same age. In this video, we see Lucie lying on the ground, getting beaten up very savagely. The scene was filmed by a young boy who was laughing with 3 other boys. The wild girl and these boys are currently under police custody. This occurrence is not unreminiscent of the Alicia Durand’s case who had beaten up a disabled young girl in a park, 2 weeks ago. In both videos, the aggressor belonged to a group. On the internet, facebook pages have been created in order to support the victims. Despite of a lot of awareness campaigns, the bullying and the discrimination continue. And because of the internet, there is a growing trend of bullying because young people want to get the buzz going. These events have chocked a lot of internet users; we can see a flood of insults to the young aggressors, and everybody is saying that these girls must be jailed because people want it to serve as a lesson so that it never happens again.

As far as I’m concerned, I think that these persons are setting the wrong example for the youth, it’s very chocking that some young people use the violence to be interesting. Personally, I don’t think it works because now, people who watched both videos hate these girls. And I don’t understand how they can film themselves beating someone. To my mind, these girls should be locked up, especially Alicia Durand who has humiliated a stranger just to show off. I hope that this form of bullying will disappear with the videos because it must be hard to take for the victims. I’m afraid to get beaten up down the street, someday, by a girl who will be the same age as I am who will want to give herself airs and graces in front of her friends. But if there is one thing which troubles me it’s that, a lot of internet users said that they would hit these girls if they saw them. However in the video of Alicia Durand, I see a few persons walking not so far away and nobody comes to help the young girl. That why I think that everybody speak too much.

[Ezehkiel Jones]

Hello' !

Alors "hard to take" existe, mais dans le contexte ce n'est pas vraiment utilisable. Hard to take, ça veut plutôt dire "dur à accepter", notamment en parlant d'une mauvaise nouvelle. C'est pourquoi je te conseille de remplacer cette expression par "unbearable" ou bien "hard" tout simplement.

Ah et puis ça fait trois fois que je te corrige une faute que tu remets à chaque fois:

"Indeed, Monday, the 29^th of September; a SEVENTEEN-YEAR-OLD teenager (en n'oubliant pas les tirets, et en ne mettant pas de "s" à "year")"

Bien à toi,

[alexandrafoot38]

Ah d accord merci ! (J y arriverai jamais avec l'age x) je l a corrige)