Rédaction Sur La Science Fiction

[toot0]

Bonjour,

j'ai une rédaction à faire pour demain en anglais sur le thème de la science fiction et de l'utopie.

J'ai écrit environ la moitié de ma rédaction, pouvez-vous corriger mes fautes,mes erreurs s'il vous plaît ? Votre aide me serait vraiment d'une très grande utilité car je galère...

d'avance et bonne journée !!

Voici mon devoir :

Hello, my name is James Peter Bryan Junior number 27. But everybody calls me Pet. I’m 16 years old and I l live in Fuji, a big city situated in Mars. Last summer, an incredible but real adventure happened to me. So let’s talk about it.

“Like I said, last summer, in July, just in the beginning of the vacations, I was using a teleportation machine in order to go to Miami Beach, in the Earth. But unfortunately, I pushed the wrong button, and the machine broke, so instead of arrive near the sea, I lost my way and accidentally ended up in an extraordinary, unknown city. Everything was calm and silent. The sky was blue, and the sun was shining. There was a splendid grass without any limit, a lot of beautiful flowers everywhere. Everything was just perfect. I lay on the floor, it was truly comfortable. I don’t know how many hours I stayed there, but when I woke up, I was laid in a bed, in an enormous dormitory. A young man who looked like a doctor said to me “Nice to meet you, Pet. How are you? I hope you did have a good trip.We were waiting you. Well, this is the dormitory n°2. All new inhabitants of the city sleep there. Near the dormitory, there is the Cupola. It’s where all people go to talk, to laugh, and to have fun, of course, because in Pleasantville, you must be happy. It’s our motto and our only rule. Make yourself at home”. At the time, I was totally shocked, I couldn’t understand how he knew my name and the fact that he really seemed to wait me was a little bit disturbing. I think he noticed it, because he asked me “Something wrong, Pet? », and I just replied « No, no, everything is well, thank you”. Then he let me five minutes to change my clothes and to join him in the Copula. It was a huge, enormous wooden building, and maybe hundreds of people were assembled there. But, strangely, there wasn’t a lot of noise. The young men who brought me in it presented me some people, and I sat with them. They talked with me, and I was surprised to discover how they were all clever and very eloquent. Furthermore, they weren’t just intelligent: they were young, beautiful and in good health (apparently…). They seemed to be perfect! When I looked around me, I saw only young people. They were all smiling and laughing and seemed to be incredibly happy. For them, everything was for the best in the best of all possible worlds!!! After I talked to them, my host – Zayn- accompanied me to the Copula and stayed with me a few minutes, and he came back home. Since this day, I went to the Copula every morning from sunrise to sunset, because it was so pleasant to talk all the day and to drink fruit cocktails all the time. Sometime, I swam in the amazing swimming-pool inside of the building, at other times, I made fabulous attractions like roller coaster for example, and I went to the cinema tens of time to see awesome movies in 9D with a huge and spectacular screen. To sum up, those month were just really incredible for me, it had nothing in common with my life in Fuji. I didn’t have to study, so, I didn’t have to support the stupid and boring students of my high school. I didn’t have to do the housework yet… Yeah, definitely, I really thought that Pleasantville was a perfect city.

But one day, unfortunately, I got sick.I had a fever since few days, which is for me the symptom of influenza. When I said it to Zayn, he took me to the clinic of Pleasantville, which was totally empty.

[Jean B]

Bonjour,

À l'avenir, n'attend plus le dernier moment pour faire ton travail. J'imagine que ton professeur ne t'a pas donné ce sujet hier seulement.

Hello, my name is James Peter Bryan Junior number 27. But everybody calls me Pet. I’m 16 years old and I l live in Fuji, a big city situated in on Mars. Last summer, an incredible but real adventure happened to me. So let’s talk about it.

“Like I said, last summer, in July, just in at the beginning of the vacations, I was using a teleportation machine in order to go to Miami Beach, in on the Earth. But unfortunately, I pushed the wrong button, and the machine broke, so instead of arriving near the sea, I lost my way and accidentally ended up in an extraordinary, unknown city.<instead of + nom ou v-ing, c'est à mémoriser. Everything was calm and silent. The sky was blue, and the sun was shining. There was a splendid grass without any limit, a lot of beautiful flowers everywhere. Everything was just perfect. I lay on the floor, it was truly comfortable. I don’t know how many hours I stayed there, but when I woke up, I was laid in lying on a bed, in a very large / an enormous dormitory. A young man who looked like a doctor said to told me< dire qqch à qqn = to tell sb sth <---> say s'emploie plutôt comme verbe rapporteur. “Nice to meet you, Pet. How are you? I hope you did have a good trip.We were waiting for you. Well, this is the dormitory n°2. All new inhabitants of the city sleep there. Near the dormitory, there is the Cupola. It’s where all people go to talk, (to) laugh, and (to) have fun, of course, because in Pleasantville, you must be happy. It’s our motto and our only rule. Make yourself at home”. At the time, I was totally shocked, I couldn’t understand how he knew my name and the fact that he really seemed to wait for me was a little bit disturbing. I think he noticed it because he asked me “Something wrong, Pet? », and I just replied « No, no, everything is well, thank you”. Then he let me five minutes to change my clothes and to join him in the Copula. It was a huge, enormous wooden building, and maybe hundreds of people were assembled there. But, strangely, there wasn’t a lot of noise. The young men who brought me in it presented introduced me to some people, and I sat with them. They talked with me, and I was surprised to discover how they were all clever and very eloquent. Furthermore, they weren’t just intelligent: they were young, beautiful and in good health (apparently…). They seemed to be perfect! When I looked around me, I could see only young people. They were all smiling and laughing and seemed to be incredibly happy. For To them, everything was for the best in the best of all possible worlds!!! After I talked talking to them, <préposition + v-ing, mémorise-le my host – Zayn- accompanied me to the Copula and stayed with me a few minutes, and he came back home. Since this day, I went to the Copula every morning from sunrise to sunset, because it was so pleasant to talk all the day and to drink fruit cocktails all the time. Sometimes, I swam in the amazing swimming-pool inside of the building, at other times, I made had a go at fabulous attractions like such as a roller coaster for example, and I went to the cinema tens of times to see awesome movies in 9D with a huge and spectacular screen. <sauf rares exceptions, make = faire au sens de fabriquer / créer. - to have a go at sth = essayer de faire qqch / s'essayer à qqch To sum up, those months were just really incredible for to me, it had nothing in common with my life in Fuji. I didn’t have to study, so, I didn’t have to support bear / put up with the stupid and boring students of my high school.<support = faux ami = soutenir qqch ou qqn au sens propre, également au sens sportif d'être supporter/fan et enfin subvenir aux besoins (financiers) de qqn I didn’t have to do the housework yet… Yeah, definitely, I really thought that Pleasantville was a perfect city.

But one day, unfortunately, I got sick. I had had a fever since for a few days, which is for to me the symptom of influenza. When I said it to told Zayn, he took me to the clinic of Pleasantville, which was totally empty.< concordance des temps avec un past perfect + for devant une durée de temps<---> since devant une date / un évènement tenant lieu de date. Révise ta grammaire.

Si tout ce qui précède est le seul fruit de ton imagination, alors je te tire un coup de chapeau car j'ai eu plaisir à te lire, ce qui est assez rare...

Bonne continuation.

[Jean B]

J'adore les gens qui, dans l'urgence, viennent poser des questions mais ne reviennent ensuite jamais voir s'il y a des réponses ...