Correction D'un Texte

[lauranna]

Bonjour,

pour vendredi je doit crée un dialogue entre une femme qui veut aller vivre au etat unis et ses parents qui ne sont pas d'accord. Donc j'aimerais avoir une correction SVP.

Chun is a young Chinese mother how live with her son in Shenzhen, in an apartment above her parents. Chun makes her choice, she want to leave her country for Saipan, in united states. She was starting to pack her suitcases when her mother arrives…

Chun ( a little surprised) : hey mom, what are you doing her ?

Mother (with an idea in her head) : I can’t come to help you to prepare your long travel ?

Chun : We can call this a long trip, I will not come back here for the rest of my life ! And you want to help me ? When I announced you I want to leave Shenzhen you wasn’t really happy !

Mother : Okay, I don’t come to help you but to deter you !

Chun : Please stop this now ! Nobody could change my mind, I make a choice and you have to respect my decision.

Father (just arrived and very tense of her daughter's behavior) : Stop to talk with your mother like that ! How can you leave us, your parents and the rest of the family ?

Chun : My intention is not to leave you, but I want to construct a new life, I thing in Saipan I can find a job which is better pay than here. And I’m sure you can fend without me.

Father : It’s a selfish choice you make here !

Mother : you’re father is right, we need you here, we get old, you have to help us to cook, help us go shopping… And tell me when you go to work who is going to stay with your son ?

Chun : If I go to Saipan it’s for my son, I want he to haves what it needs and as now he has three years old he will be able to go to school. In top of that I will have more money I could send you a part.

Father (annoyed) : We don’t need your money ! But you don’t speak English ! And if you don’t find a job, how will you do ? Really, if you decide to go you are not my daughter

Chun : Sorry but nobody could stop me. It’s my life, my choice ! One day you told me to follow my dreams and now my dream is to go to the united states. Don’t worry for me, I can learn English and I will find a job !

Merci d'avance

[Jean B]

Bonjour,

Bonjour,

Pour vendredi je doit créer un dialogue entre une femme qui veut aller vivre au États-Unis et ses parents qui ne sont pas d'accord. Donc j'aimerais avoir une correction SVP.

Chun is a young Chinese mother who lives with her son in Shenzhen, in an apartment above her parents'. Chun has made her choice, she wants to leave her country for Saipan, a territory of the United States on the Mariana Islands.

-s final au présent simple d'un verbe dont le sujet est au singulier. Il est grand temps que tu appliques systématiquement cette règle élémentaire.

- Majuscule à tous les noms de pays, c'est à mémoriser.

- À proprement parler, Saïpan ne se situe pas aux États-Unis ; les Îles Mariannes du Nord, dont Saïpan fait partie, sont un territoire rattaché.

She was starting to pack her suitcases when her mother arrived…< Concordance des temps à respecter.

Chun ( a little surprised) : hey mom, what are you doing here?

Mother (with an idea in her head something at the back of her mind) : Can’t I come to help you to prepare your long travel? <Inversion sujet/modal dans la forme interro-négative/interrogative

Chun : We can call this a long trip, I will not come back here for the rest of my life! And you want to help me? When I announced you I wanted <Concordance encore to leave Shenzhen you wasn’t weren't really happy! <you est toujours pluriel !

Mother : Okay, I don’t come to help you but to deter you from leaving /talk you out of leaving!

Chun : Please stop this now! Nobody could change my mind, I make a choice and you have to respect my decision.

Father (just arrived and very tense at her daughter's behavior) : Stop to talking with to your mother like that! How can you leave us, your parents and the rest of the family?

À savoir : stop + to talk to sb = s'arrêter pour/afin de/dans le but de/ parler à qqn <---> stop + talking to sb = arrêter de parler à qqn. Vois-tu la différence ?

Chun : My intention is not/I don't intend/ to leave you, but I want to construct a new life, I think in Saipan I can find a job which is better pay paid than here. And I’m sure you can fend without me manage on your own.

Father : It’s a selfish choice you make here!

Mother : you’re Your father is right, we need you here, we are getting old, you have to help us to cook, help us go shopping…you're = you are = tu es/vous êtes <---> your = ton/ta/tes/votre/vos. Comment est-il possible que tu puisses encore confondre les deux ? And tell me when you go to work who is going to look after/stay with/ your son?

Chun : If I go to Saipan it’s for my son, I want he him to have what it he needs and as now he has is three years old, he will be able to go to school. - want gouverne une proposition infinitive ie want + pronom complément + infinitif complet Et où as-tu jamais vu un -s final à une base verbale ?

- be pour l'âge, JAMAIS have !

- Il y a 3 pronoms sujet 3e personne singulier, he/she/it selon le genre. In On top of that I will have more money. I could send you a part.

Father (annoyed) : We don’t need your money! But you don’t speak English! And if you don’t find a job, how will you manage/do? Really, if you decide to go you are not my daughter.

Chun : Sorry but nobody could stop me. It’s my life, my choice! One day you told me to follow my dreams and now my dream is to go to the United States. <MAJUSCULES ! Don’t worry for me, I can learn English and I will find a job!

Merci d'avance