Correction D'un Texte Que J'ai Écris Au Passé.

[chalopinalexis]

Bonsoir à tous,

Pour les semaines qui viennent j'ai un travail d'anglais à faire qui consiste à écrire une petite biographie sur une personne décédé (donc au passé), j'ai donc pris mon courage à deux mains pour formuler ce texte, seulement j'aimerais si possible une petite correction d'une personne qui pratiquerais déjà la langue, en ce qui concerne l'utilisation de "Was, Did.." dont je ne suis pas sur surtout à la fin du paragraphe.Voici le texte ci-dessous, merci d'avance.

Today I will present to you Aaliyah Dana Haughton,

Aaliyah was born in New-York, USA in nineteen-seventy nine, she was an American R&B recording artist, actress and model. She studied music in Michigan in the Detroit High School for the Fine and Performing Arts. In nineteen-ninety three she sang her first song –“Back and Forth”- in the world and the same year she sold her first album –“Age Ain’t nothing but a number”-. In total in her career, she sold three albums and she made three films. Her most famous actions were her second album –“One a million”- in nineteen-ninety six, and of course her first film that she made –“Romeo Must Die”- in two thousand. A marriage programmed by Aaliyah in nineteen-ninety four with R-Kelly, but was reject the same year by her parents. So Aaliyah didn’t have child in her life.

On august twenty five two thousand and one, after made the music video –“Rock the boat”- in the Bahamas, Aaliyah and seven others people took a airplane for went to Miami. The airplane was too much charged to video equipment so just after the take-off, the airplane crashed. There will no survivor in this horrible crash, Aaliyah died this day aged twenty two years.

[Jean B]

Bonjour,

Bonsoir à tous,

Pour les semaines qui viennent j'ai un travail d'anglais à faire qui consiste à écrire une petite biographie sur une personne décédée (donc au passé). J'ai donc pris mon courage à deux mains pour formuler ce texte, seulement j'aimerais si possible une petite correction d'une personne qui pratiquerait déjà la langue, en ce qui concerne l'utilisation de "Was, Did.." dont je ne suis pas sûr, surtout à la fin du paragraphe. Voici le texte ci-dessous, merci d'avance.

Today I will present to you Aaliyah Dana Haughton,

Aaliyah was born in New-York, USA in nineteen seventy-nine, she was an American R&B recording artist, actress and model. She studied music in Michigan in the Detroit High School for the Fine and Performing Arts. In nineteen ninety-three she sang her first song –“Back and Forth”- in throughout the world and the same year she sold her first album –“Age Ain’t nothing but a number”-. In total in her career, she sold three albums and she made three films. Her most famous actions were her second album –“One a million”- in nineteen ninety-six, and of course her the first film that she made –“Romeo Must Die”- in two thousand. A marriage programmed by Aaliyah in nineteen ninety-four with R-Kelly, but was rejected the same year by her parents. So Aaliyah didn’t have any child in her life.

[chalopinalexis]

Merci beaucoup pour cette correction, et pour toutes ces explications, bonne continuation !