Corrections Petite Redaction.

[cedricc]

Bonsoir tout le monde,

Je dois rendre un texte en anglais vendredi (juste avant les vacances ), et j'aurais aimé que quelqu'un me corrige mes fautes et m'explique le pourquoi de mes erreurs. Voila, merci d'avance et bonnes vacances pour ceux qui ont la chance d'y être .

Voici le texte :

"First of all, we wanted to redraw the high school in order to make modifications like an architect when he improves a building. Thus, we didn't color what we didn't change and we colored the remainder to emphasize it (To have an aspect more finished, we passed the outlines to the Indian ink). In addition, we wanted to keep a large number of windows because they are source of light and of heat.

For the environmental side of the drawing, we decided to put solar panels on the roof and a wind mill in the playground. They would be used to heat classrooms and water for a great respect of nature. Moreover, we replaced the tar by grass to have more color and always to protect nature. Lastly, like pollution comes mainly from means of transports, we added an arrangement to bicycles to encourage the high-school pupils to use these means of transport.

For the utopian part, we wanted to create a colored and pleasant high school. Indeed, by replacing the trees by colored palm trees the high school becomes more welcoming. Then, we thought of putting a hammock so that the pupils can come to rest quietly outside. The plane which pulls the slogan refers to the summer's planes which pass above beaches.

Moreover, the choice of the slogan is very important, it's to some extent a pun between the themes of the subject: the environment and the high school. So, it shows that he can and must have a link between them.

The purpose of our work is to disorient the persons frequenting the establishment and to sensitive them in front of the dangers of the pollution and the overconsumption."

[Jean B]

Bonsoir, Cédric.

Bonsoir tout le monde,

Je dois rendre un texte en anglais vendredi (juste avant les vacances ), et j'aurais aimé que quelqu'un me corrige mes fautes et m'explique le pourquoi de mes erreurs. Voila, merci d'avance et bonnes vacances pour ceux qui ont la chance d'y être .

Voici le texte :

"First of all, we wanted to redraw redesign the high school in order to make modifications like an architect when he improves a building. Thus, we didn't color what we didn't change and we colored the remainder to emphasize it (To have a more finished an aspect more finished, we passed put/applied Indian ink to the outlines/we drew the outlines with Indian ink to the Indian ink.

[cedricc]

Encore une fois, Merci pour la correction et tes explications.

Bonne fin de journée.

[Jean B]

Encore une fois, Merci pour la correction et tes explications.

Bonne fin de journée.