Expression Écrite

[cedricc]

Bonjour,

Voici une expression écrite que je dois rendre en début de semaine prochaine, j'aurais aimé que quelqu'un survole mon travail et me dise les endroits où ca ne va pas !

Je suis déjà passé quelque fois et j'ai essayé de mettre en oeuvre les conseils de ceux qui m'ont aidé (et je les en remercie d'ailleurs) mais je pense avoir quelques problèmes avec "the" encore.

Today, because of thousands of disrespectful tourists, “the roof of the world” is much polluted. Indeed, walkers and climbers infest the mountain of garbage. The mountain is covered in material of alpinism like ropes, tents, empty oxygen bottle… the Mount Everest is polluted so much that we claim a radical solution: its temporary closing. Our patrimony must be preserved, it is time for react !

Moreover, it is the indigenous population who is most concerned. Indeed, it becomes extremely difficult to find enough electricity and of water for the small villages around the Everest when several thousands of tourists and mountaineers need the same resources. So, the threat concerns also Humans !

In addition, since 1953 and the rise of Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgary, a geological team showed that tourism had an impact on the landscape of the mountain. Edmund Hillary, himself, think that the closing of Mount Everest it is a good idea.

We hope to have a dialog with the tourists. Because our first priority is to convince the Nepali government to put the Everest at rest for a few years : Together, tourists and environmentalists, we can do something :

First, it is necessary to sensitize the other climber and to stop throwing refuse on the mountain.

Then, together, we will be able to organize cleaning campaigns to remove all the refuse.

And with regard to the problem of Sherpas, we propose that they take part in the cleaning campaigns for an income paid by the Nepali government.

Merci d'avance, Cedric.

[Jean B]

Bonjour, Cédric.

Bonjour,

Voici une expression écrite que je dois rendre en début de semaine prochaine, j'aurais aimé que quelqu'un survole mon travail et me dise les endroits où ça ne va pas !

Je suis déjà passé quelques fois et j'ai essayé de mettre en oeuvre les conseils de ceux qui m'ont aidé (et je les en remercie d'ailleurs) mais je pense avoir quelques problèmes avec "the" encore.

Today, because of thousands of disrespectful tourists, “the roof of the world” is much polluted. Indeed, walkers and climbers infest the mountain of with garbage. The mountain is littered/covered in with material of alpinism gear/equipment like such as ropes, tents, empty oxygen bottles… the Mount Everest is polluted so much that we claim a radical solution: its temporary closing. Our patrimony must be preserved, it is time for to react!

[cedricc]

Encore merci beaucoup JRB

Je préfère de loin tes explications à celles de mon prof d'anglais

[Jean B]

Encore merci beaucoup JRB

Je préfère de loin tes explications à celles de mon prof d'anglais