Ecriture D'un Dialogue

[Marabou]

Bonjour,

Je me permet de vous soumettre un travail d'écriture ( Environ 300 mots d'après la consigne) qui est la suite d'un récit; Dans la premiere partie, le narrateur, une jeune fille apprend par son père qu'ils vont quitter le pays pour partir en Jamaique. Voici là suite que j'ai écrit, j'aimerais savoir si il était possible de corriger mes erreurs:

- You want to return to live in Jamaica? But why? We remain carl and myself? We'll live with grandma, is not it? I exclaimed.

- Euh ... So ... There is a very nice house, there is the sea not far away, beautiful palm trees in the garden ... It could make you see lots of things!

I looked at my brother's eyes, wide open, empty, eyes filling with tears. We were in the same spirit, I was also very anxious.

- You want us to leave ... Together? Living in Jamaica? I was asking my father.

- Yes, that's it, that exactly ! Exclaimed this latter with a big smile. Are you happy ?

But you're mad or anything, why would you think I am pleased. You want us to go live in a country that barely knows, in the woods and let all our friends here and we should be cheerful?

- But ... He stammered.

I watched my brother drying her tears, becoming red nervousness, anger rising in him. Then say, drily:

- But Have you lost your head ?

- But no ... but a great adventure awaits us.

My mother interrupted him and said:

- An adventure, but there is no need for adventure, we'll break our life, I told you it was a very bad idea ... And she burst into tears.

My little brother took her tenderly in his arms, trying to relieve a little bit his sadness.

- But you mock me or what! You were willing to talk to the children .. What else ! He cried.

He left the living room in anger. My mother began to cry again, my brother also fall in tears. My mother whispers:

I'll be back.

She left the room and Carl followed her. I was alone in the middle of the room, the house seemed so empty, only the sound of crying disturbed the apparent calm. There are days like this where life plays many tricks you!

En vous remerçiant.

Marabou !

[Jean B]

Bonsoir,

Bonjour,

Je me permets de vous soumettre un travail d'écriture ( Environ 300 mots d'après la consigne) qui est la suite d'un récit; Dans la première partie, le narrateur, une jeune fille, apprend par son père qu'ils vont quitter le pays pour partir en Jamaïque. Voici là la suite que j'ai écrite, j'aimerais savoir si il s'il était possible de corriger mes erreurs :

- You want to return to live in Jamaica?