Corrections Fautes Rédaction

[cedricc]

Bonjour Bonjour,

Voila, demain je dois rendre une rédaction sur les choses positives et négatives du monde d'aujourd'hui (pour faire simple). Et comme mon anglais n'est pas très avancé, j'aurais aimé que quelqu'un m'aide à corriger les fautes

Voici mon texte :

Nowadays, with globalization, the world knows much change.

So, we can ask us if our life is better than that of our grandparents or great-grandparents?

To answer this question, we will divide our analysis into two parts: First, we will see how the world changed positively and after how it changed negatively.

We are going to see the positive changes on the world of today.

In the first place, we notice that the living conditions are better than in the past. Indeed, more and more people access to the care and education. Moreover, today, we have tap cater and electricity (for the television or the shower for example).

In the second place, we note that the means of communication are very diversified. We can take the example of Internet. It is a real revolution because it permitted to communicate with people of end of the world. Besides, Internet contains many information, we inform ourselves and the pupils can have helps for the school. Then, employees can relax themselves after a long day's work.

In the last place, we see that the globalization supported tourism and the exchanges because the borders opened. So, more and more people can travel and the consumers have more choice in the stores.

Now, we are going to study the negatives changes on the world.

Firstly, we realize that the medical progress can be frightening. To illustrate my point, we can speak about the cloning which is very dangerous for the humanity.

Secondly, we can also speak about scientific progress. Indeed, even if it helps us to have better living conditions, it makes pollution and greenhouse effect. It remind me of the black sea in Gulf of Mexico for example.

Finally, we can notice the economic crisis’ effect which is present all over the world. In rich countries, there are many dismissals and in the poor countries the living conditions are very weak in comparison.

As a conclusion, We can say that the world’s changes aren’t always positives. So, it’s necessary to act.

Merci d'avance

Cedric.

[Jean B]

Bonjour,

Poster sa demande le dimanche après-midi à 18h18 pour le lendemain, c'est prendre le risque de n'obtenir une réponse que tardivement.

Quoi qu'il en soit, et même si c'est à postériori, voici de quoi te corriger.

Bonjour Bonjour,

Voila, demain je dois rendre une rédaction sur les choses positives et négatives du monde d'aujourd'hui (pour faire simple). Et comme mon anglais n'est pas très avancé, j'aurais aimé que quelqu'un m'aide à corriger les fautes

Voici mon texte :

Nowadays, with globalization, the world knows much change.< Soit a great change, soit many changes.

So, we can ask us < pronom réfléchi if our life is better than that of our grandparents or great-grandparents?<Pas de point d'interrogation car c'est une question indirecte

To answer this question, we will divide our analysis into two parts: First, we will see how the world changed positively and after how it changed negatively.

We are going to see the positive changes on the world of today.

In the first place, we notice that the living conditions are better than in the past. Indeed, more and more people access to the care and education.<- Pas de déterminant devant un nom employé dans la généralité.

<- access est transitif direct = pas de préposition.

Moreover, today, we have tap cwater and electricity (for the television or the shower for example).

In the second place, we note that the means of communication are very diversified. We can take the example of the Internet. It is a real revolution because it permitteds<c'est vrai encore aujourd'hui to communicate with people of at the other end of the world. Besides, the Internet contains many information, we inform ourselves and the pupils can have helps for the school. Then, employees can relax themselves after a long day's work.

In the last place, we see that the globalization supporteds tourism and the exchanges because the borders have opened. So, more and more people can travel and the consumers have more choice in the stores.

Now, we are going to study the negatives<adjectif INVARIABLE ! changes on the world.

Firstly, we realize that the medical progress can be frightening. To illustrate my point, we can speak about the cloning which is very dangerous for the humanity human kind.

Secondly, we can also speak about scientific progress. Indeed, even if it helps us to have better living conditions, it makes causes pollution and greenhouse effect. It reminds /uploads/emoticons/default_rolleyes.gif">/uploads/emoticons/default_rolleyes.gif">/uploads/emoticons/default_rolleyes.gif">/uploads/emoticons/default_rolleyes.gif">/uploads/emoticons/default_rolleyes.gif">http://www.e-bahut.com/uploads/emoticons/default_rolleyes.gif' alt=':rolleyes:'> me of the black sea oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico for example.<quand tu ignores un mot, cherche le dans le dictionnaire

Finally, we can notice the economic crisis’ effect which is present all over the world.<le génitif est impossible mais le nom composé suffit à lui seul à exprimer l'idée d'appartenance In rich countries, there are many dismissals and in the poor countries the living conditions are very weak in comparison.

As a conclusion, We can say that the world’s changes aren’t always positives.<voir plus haut So, it’s necessary to act.

Merci d'avance

Cedric.

[cedricc]

JRB bonsoir,

J'ai rendu ma copie ce matin donc pas eu le temps de corriger toutes mes fautes (c'est vrai que je me suis pris un peu tard, ca me servira de leçon ). Néanmoins je te remercie beaucoup d'avoir pris un peu de ton temps pour m'expliquer et corriger mes erreurs .

Je sais maintenant où je dois concentrer mes révisions pour être opérationnel pour la prochaine interro et pour le Bac !

Je repasserai certainement pour mon prochaine devoir vu les bons conseils que j'ai reçu.

Encore merci, bonne soirée.

Cédric

[Jean B]

You're welcome.