Expression écrite?

[Cnédienne]

Quelqu'un pourrait me corriger mon texte s'il vous plait?

THÊME:

Would you say that our society is more tolerant than it used to be some one hundred years ago or would you say that there is still

room for improvement. Discuss this taking as example the conditions of women or the poor in our country. (200 mots)

MA RËPONSE:

Well, some one hundred years ago, there was a huge inequality between people.

Let's take as an example, the conditions of women: some sixty years ago, womens didn't have the right to vote and they were very excluded from the world of job.

In fact, it was very strange to see a woman working, they used to be just a mother, or a wife.

While now, the women's living conditions are really better: they can vote, they got a job, and they are near to be as equal as men. But there is still work to do to get a complete equality between men and women.

And what about poor? When somebody was poor, it used to be excluded from the society. Some people help them, but it wasn't really for charity.

Now, when you see somebody in the street, asking for money, you give him money, and this, is charity.

Or, at else it's my opinion.

To conclude, I would say that our society is really more tolerant than it used to be some one hundred years ago, because the conditions of women are really better, and in my opinion, people is more charitable than it used to be.

But, there is still having improvment in our society: there are still some differences between men and women and the equality is not complete.

There are still some changes to make, but our society is really more tolerant than it used to be.

Merci

ciao

[Jean B]

Bonjour,

Quelqu'un pourrait me corriger mon texte s'il vous plait?

THÊME:

Would you say that our society is more tolerant than it used to be some one hundred years ago or would you say that there is still

room for improvement? Discuss this taking as example the conditions of women or the poor in our country. (200 mots)

MA RËPONSE:

Well, some one hundred years ago, there was a huge inequality between people.

Let's take the conditions of women (1) as an example: some sixty years ago, women<s> didn't have the right to vote and they were <very> much excluded from the world of <job> work.

In fact, it was very strange to see <a> women working, they used to be just <a> mothers, or <a> wives.(2)

While now, <the> women's living conditions are really better: they can vote, <they> get a job, and they are near to be as equal as men. But there is still work to be done to get a complete equality between men and women.

And what about poor people? When somebody was poor, <it> he/she used to be excluded from <the> society. Some people helped them, but it wasn't really for charity.

Now, when you see somebody in the street, asking for money, you give him money, and this is charity.

Or, at <else> least, it's my opinion.

To conclude, I would say that our society is really more tolerant than it used to be some one hundred years ago, because the conditions of women are really better, and in my opinion, people (3) <is> are more charitable than <it> they used to be.

But, there is still <having> room for improvement in our society: there are still some differences between men and women and <the> equality is not complete.

There are still some changes to make, but our society is really more tolerant than it used to be.

Merci

ciao

[Cnédienne]

Merci encore pour tes réponses JRB.

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