Demande De Correction

[Papaye]

Bonjour à tous,

Après avoir repris mes études, je me rends compte que mon anglais est un peu rouillé.

J'ai une présentation orale sur une entreprise à faire en anglais.

J'ai préparé un texte pour mon oral mais je pense que j'ai fait des fautes. Je suis à l'université et à mon âge les fautes de grammaire et de construction de phrases sont peu tolérées. Le sujet traite de la logisitque d'un grand groupe du monde de la jardinerie.

Si le sujet vous tente, je vous invite à m'aider, j'en serai ravie. Pour des raisons de confidentialité, le nom de l'entreprise et les chiffres clés ont été modifiés.

La présentation se déroule le lundi 8 décembre.

Merci d'avance

TREE&CO

Good morning.

First of all, I know that I have to do this statement, I ask myself two questions:

· What can I say that they can interest them?

· What can I say they can't learn on Internet?

I found a company. Today's presentation is about: TREE&CO. It is an atypical subject. I know that what I am going to tell you, you won't find it on Internet. It will be all the more interesting as I will tell you spicy stories.

I chose this subject because I worked for this company and I can answer all the questions.

This presentation is divided into 3 part :

· First of all, I will present you the group of TREE&CO (history and the organization of the production),

· and then I will explain the model an agricultural supply chain.

· Finally, we will place this structure on the scale of the evolution of the supply chain.

TREE&CO is a group specialized in the distribution of gardening articles. It is also a pet shop. They sell plants, fertilizers, tools and landscaping products such as furniture and also small pets such as rabbits, fish.

TREE&CO is the main network of the group which possesses 290 stores in France in Italy and in Greece. GREEN PLANTS&CO is the other signboard of the group which possesses hundred of selling points. TREE&CO is one of the biggest garden centers group in France. Its main competitors are: JUIL&CO, A.P.GREE&CO

Before you find plants on the shelves of those outlets, what compose this chain store? What is behind?

In 2000, in order to stay one of the leaders of the market, the group decided to undertake a wave of acquisitions. The group TREE&CO acquired a big part of the signboards of the brand, opened new stores and merged three production units.

The production is organized in three points. At the south, TUIRT and in the western north: LEAF&CO and BRANCH&CO.

These production units are additional. Every entity produces different varieties of trees. The goals of the fusion:

· Increase collaboration between tree units of production

· Win market shares in competition with other groups

Therefore, what were the stakes for a large company after the fusion?

The group had to manage a recent merger, an integration of production units for 800 people and a harmonization of the procedures for economies of scale.

How long do you think they needed to create a synergy? They wanted to do it in six months.

You should think that they had logisticians' armada which had established action plans to elaborate an effective supply chain.

Unfortunately, the merger with a commercial logic forgot numerous logistic constraints. The group decided to copy their logistics on the example of one of their production unit. It refered to the supply chain of their principal production unit in RODEZ. It was the good answer, was not it? They did that because RODEZ produce 70 % of there whole production.

This master Nursery has existed since 1980. It employs 250 people. This factory has a turnover of 25 million euros. I am going to explain you the functioning of the logistics

After the arrival of the orders via the web site, the orders of preparation are sent to the logistics' service. After being scheduled, the orders of plants are sent to the preparation department. The plants are taken from the plantation. They are then collected, labeled and conditioned. Then, they are stored in a warehouse before loading The storage imposes severals constraints: weak luminosity and important degree of humidity. Forty full trucks leave with goods the company a day.

The system follows in real time the orders. The company can follow the states of progress and the geographical location of each order on the site. To have no shortage of stock, a permanent inventory is realized. Recently, the logistic service has developed an AFTER-SALES SERVICE DEPARTMENT.

But you can manage a whole supply chain as production unit. This merge ends in communications problems, costs transfer of loads and stock.

Now, it belongs to you to work

Let's look at 5 stages of evolution. In which stade do you place this company ?

•Stage 1: people doing logistics even knowing it

•Stage 2: a production control, a function storage, a function transport-distribution which works in way nearly independent each one with its objectives

•Stage 3: the company deployed processes and tools to integrate in a coherent operation the whole of the internal links of its logistics.

•Stage 4: the supply chain is extended to the customers and the suppliers

•Stage 5: harmonization and collaboration the supply chain

This company has still lot of thing to do (better management staff and skills, collaboration for a global optimum)

I have just presented you here the organization of a group of the specialized mass-market retailing. In the agriculture and in particular the horticulture suffers from their logistics. In the agriculture, companies concentrate on their heart of profession which is the production of plants. Thus it neglects the other numerous sectors such as the logistics. Other countries are better than us as the Holland.

To my opinion, it is crucial to show to numerous companies SMALL AND MEDIUM-SIZED FIRM and big groups the interest of the logistics. The supply chain is weapon of the business. The most successful companies establish networks of logistics without defect and anticipate the waits of customers. You should not see logistics, only as a center of cost but also as a creative function of added value.

I am sure you do not look any more at TREE&CO as before.

Thank you for your attention.

[Jean B]

Bonjour,

Remarque préalable : pourquoi diable rédiger un texte construit quand le but visé est un oral ?

Il y a là une certaine incohérence que j'ai du mal à comprendre.

Il est sans doute utile de rappeler qu'un oral ne consiste pas à lire quoi que ce soit, mais à parler, dialoguer avec un auditoire.

Cela implique forcément des trous, des hésitations de la part du locuteur mais aussi des interruptions, des questions de la part du jury.

Mieux vaudrait donc ne noter que le canevas, les grandes lignes, les titres de chapitres et sous titres, les mots clés, bref les éléments importants à ne surtout pas oublier plutôt que tout rédiger.

Pour avoir une certaine expérience dans ce domaine, j'ai cru bon de le souligner. Voilà qui est fait.

Ceci dit, l'anglais n'est pas si "rouillé".

Bonne chance pour l'oral.

Corrections balisées en caractères gras.

Supprimer ce qui est placé entre <---> en rouge.

Ce qui est placé entre parenthèses n'est pas indispensable et peut être omis.

TREE&CO

Good morning.

First of all, when I knew (that) I had to do this statement, I asked myself two questions:

· What can I say that <they> can interest them?

· What can I say they can't learn on the Internet?

I found a company. Today's presentation is about: TREE&CO. It is an atypical subject. I know that what I am going to tell you, you won't find it on the Internet. It will be all the more interesting as I will tell you spicy stories.

I have chosen this subject because I worked for this company and I can answer all the questions.

This presentation is divided into 3 parts :

· First of all, I will present you the group (of) TREE&CO (the history and (the) organization of <the> production),

· and then I will explain the model of <(?) an agricultural supply chain.

· Finally, we will place this structure on the scale of the evolution of the supply chain.

TREE&CO is a group specialized in the distribution of gardening articles/ items. It is also a pet shop. They sell plants, fertilizers, tools and landscaping products such as furniture and also small pets such as rabbits, fish.

TREE&CO is the main network of the group which possesses 290 stores in France in Italy and in Greece. GREEN PLANTS&CO is the other signboard of the group which possesses hundreds of selling points. TREE&CO is one of the biggest garden center groups in France. Its main competitors are: JUIL&CO, A.P.GREE&CO

Before you can find plants on the shelves of those outlets, what <compose>does this chain store consist of? What is behind?

In 2000, in order to stay one of the leaders of the market, the group decided to undertake a wave of acquisitions. The group TREE&CO acquired a big part of the signboards of the brand, opened new stores and merged three production units.

<The> Production is organized in three points. <At> In the south, TUIRT and in the western north: LEAF&CO and BRANCH&CO.

These production units are additional. Every entity produces different varieties of trees. The goals of the <fusion> merger:

· Increase collaboration between tree units <of> production

· Win market shares in competition with other groups

Therefore, what were the stakes for a large company after the <fusion>merger?

The group had to manage a recent merger, an integration of production units for 800 people and a harmonization of the procedures for economies of scale.

How long do you think they needed to create a synergy? They wanted to do it in six months.

You should think that they had a logisticians' armada which had established action plans to elaborate an effective supply chain.

Unfortunately, the merger with a commercial logic forgot numerous logistic constraints. The group decided to copy their logistics on the example of one of their production units. It referred to the supply chain of their principal production unit in RODEZ. It was the good answer, wasn't it? They did that because RODEZ produces 70 % of their whole production.

This master Nursery has existed since 1980. It employs 250 people. This factory has a turnover of 25 million euros. I am going to explain to you the functioning of the logistics

After the arrival of the orders via the web site, the orders of preparation are sent to the logistics' service. After being scheduled, the orders of plants are sent to the preparation department. The plants are taken from the plantation. They are then collected, labeled and conditioned. Then, they are stored in a warehouse before loading The storage imposes several<s> constraints: weak luminosity and important degree of humidity. Forty full trucks leave the company with goods <the company> <a> every day.

The system follows the orders in real time <the orders>. The company can follow the state of progress and the geographical location of each order on the site. <To have no> So as not to have a shortage of stock, a permanent inventory is <realized> drawn up. Recently, the logistic service has developed an AFTER-SALES SERVICE DEPARTMENT.

But you can manage a whole supply chain as a production unit. This merge ends in communication<s >problems, costs transfer of loads and stock.

Now, it's <belongs> up to you to work

Let's look at 5 stages of evolution. In which stage do you place this company ?

•Stage 1: people doing logistics even knowing it

•Stage 2: a production control, a <function> storage function, a <function> transport-distribution function which works in way nearly independent each one with its objectives

•Stage 3: the company deployed processes and tools to integrate in a coherent operation the whole of the internal links of its logistics.

•Stage 4: the supply chain is extended to the customers and the suppliers

•Stage 5: harmonization and collaboration the supply chain

This company has still lots of things to do (better management of staff and skills, collaboration for a global optimum)

I have just presented to you here the organization of a group of the specialized mass-market retailing. In <the> agriculture, <and in particular> <the> horticulture particularly suffers from their logistics. In <the> agriculture, companies concentrate on their heart of profession which is the production of plants. Thus it neglects the other numerous sectors such as <the> logistics. Other countries, such as Holland, are better than us <as the Holland>.

To my opinion, it is crucial to show to numerous companies, SMALL AND MEDIUM-SIZED FIRMS and big groups the interest of <the> logistics. The supply chain is the weapon of the business(Suggestion : Just like money is the sinews of war, Tout comme l'argent est le nerf de la guerre) The most successful companies establish networks of logistics without defect and anticipate the <waits of> customers' wants/expectations. You should not see logistics only as a center of cost but also as a creative function of added value.

I am now sure you <do not> will no more look <any more> at TREE&CO <as> like before.

Thank you for your attention.

[Papaye]

Bonjour JRB,

Je vous remercie sincèrement d'avoir pris le temps de corriger. Pour être sincère quand j'ai mis le texte en ligne, vue sa longueur, j'avais peur que personne ne prenne le temps de le corriger. Vous avez fait ça avec beaucoup de sérieux.

Je suis ravie.

Je voulais préparer un texte pour mon oral pour plusieurs raisons mais la principale est de me donner confiance pour la présentation. Je vais bien répéter et le jour de mon oral, je serai prête et lèverai le nez de ma feuille.

Merci encore de vos conseils et de la rapidité de votre réponse.

Papaye