Correction Exposé D'anglais

[mylene64]

Bonjour à tous les correcteurs,

J'aurais besoin de votre aide pour m'aider à corriger l'introduction de mon exposé d'anglais, n'étant pas du tout sûre des structures que j'ai pu utiliser!

MERCI BEAUCOUP de l'aide que vous pourrez m'apporter!!

Voici le texte :

Atherosclerosis is, by far, the first cause of mortality in the industrialized countries, by being at the origin of most of the cardiovascular diseases. Thus, in France, every year, about 180 000 deathes are linked with these diseases, notably includind myocardial infarction or stroke.

Although atherosclerosis mechanism is complex and prone to numerous researches, we can say that atherosclerosis is an attack of medium and large arteries caused by an accumulation of fats in the artery walls. In the course of time, it can lead to the partial or total obstruction of the arteries and so to the cardiovascular diseases.

Some risk factors are subject to favour the emergence or the aggravation of atherosclerosis like tobacco, the cholesterol excess or diabetes. It’s so very important of fighting against these factors to prevent cardiovascular diseases.

In this study, we are going to present you how atherosclerosis develops and can cause cardiovascular deseases and we will also interest us in the risk factors and the treatment of this flail.

[Jean B]

Bonsoir,

Atherosclerosis is, by far, the first cause of mortality in <the> industrialized countries, by being at the origin of most of the cardiovascular diseases. Thus, in France, every year, about 180 000 deaths are linked with these diseases, notably includind myocardial infarction or stroke.

Although atherosclerosis mechanism is complex and prone to numerous researches, we can say that atherosclerosis is an attack of medium and large arteries caused by an accumulation of fat in the artery walls. In the course of time, it can lead to the partial or total obstruction of the arteries and so to the cardiovascular diseases.

Some risk factors are subject to favour the emergence or the aggravation of atherosclerosis like tobacco, <the> cholesterol excess or diabetes. It’s <so> then very important <of fighting> to fight against these factors to prevent cardiovascular diseases.

In this study, we are going to present to you how atherosclerosis develops and can cause cardiovascular diseases and we will also take an interest <us> in the risk factors and the treatment of this <flail> curse.

* flail, c'est le fléau avec lequel nos ancêtres battaient le blé sur l'aire.

[mylene64]

MERCI BEAUCOUP JRB pour ton aide précieuse !!!

Mylène

[Jean B]

MERCI BEAUCOUP JRB pour ton aide précieuse !!!

Mylène