Correction Des Fautes (si Elles Existent!lol!)

[ptite_crevette]

Bonjour!!!

Comme cette année, j'ai décidé de prendre en main mon niveau minable en anglais, je fais le maximum d'écriture que nous propose notre professeur! En voici un, et je serai enchanté que quelqu'un m'aide à voir où sont les fautes (car oui je sais qu'il y a des fautes puisque que mon anglais est merd****, digne d'un élève de 6e, honte à moi )!

Je précise ceci n'est que pure fiction!!!

A new drink on the market

It’s the end of the summer, you feel tired, depressed, and your suntan leaves you? Don’t search anymore, Sunny Drink is for you.

This new drink will be your sun of this winter because its actions reproduce those of the sun; or that of the spring to prepare your skin for the sun. In fact, Sunny drink is the drink you can drink all the year.

Several studies showed that the sun was good for health. Its benefits are numerous like the synthesis of vitamin D, a rebound of energy and also the reinforcement of the immune system.

But the problem is that there are also ravages like sunburns, the appearance of undesirable marks, the development of cancer and a premature ageing.

After a long time of experiments in which the scientists searched the sun’s mechanism of action, they found a molecule called “b-sun” able to activate the synthesis of melanin, the role of which is to protect cells against ultraviolet rays and give the aspect tanned. Some years later, they discovered “t-sun”, a molecule able to activate the synthesis of vitamin D and also the immune system.

So, Sunny drink compounds are: b-sun and t-sun activator, a little of sugar and a delicious taste of lemon, orange, or strawberry.

For a good effectiveness, it recommends to drink a small bottle every 5 days.

Un grand merci d'avance pour l'aide!!!!

[Jean B]

Bonsoir,

C'est bien essayé mais, comment dire, ça "sent" le français traduit à plein nez. Tu comprends ?

En rouge, ce qui ne va pas ou pourrait être amélioré.

En italique violet, mes commentaires.

En bleu, mes suggestions.

A new drink on the market

It's the end of the summer, you feel tired, depressed, and your suntan leaves you?<Je mettrais toute la phrase à la forme interrogative, le point d'interrogation ne suffit pas> do you feel... Don't search anymore, Sunny Drink is for you.

This new drink will be your sun of this winter<Nom composé possible> winter sun because its actions reproduce those the effects of the sun. Nouvelle phrase> or that of the spring to It will also prepare your skin for the sun next spring. In fact, Sunny drink is the drink you can drink all the year round.

Several studies have showed<Le present perfect est préférable car il n'y a aucune indication temporelle that the sun was good for health. Its benefits are numerous like the synthesis of vitamin D, a rebound of energy< Calqué sur le français> renewed energy and also the reinforcement of the immune system.

But the problem is that there are also ravages<Impropre, concerne plutôt la guerre> damages like sunburns, the appearance of undesirable spots/marks, the development of cancer and a premature ageing.

After a long time of experiments in which the<Le déterminant est superflu, les savants ne sont pas définis, ce sont les hommes de science en général> scientists searched the sun's<Cas possessif impossible mechanism of action of the sun, they found a molecule called "b-sun" able to activate the synthesis of melanin, the role of which is to protect cells against ultraviolet rays and give the tanned aspect tanned.<L'adjectif est mal placé Some years later, they discovered "t-sun", a molecule able to activate the synthesis of vitamin D and also the immune system.

So, Sunny drink compounds are: b-sun and t-sun activator, a little of<Superflu. un peu de + indénombrable = a little + indénombrable sugar and a delicious taste of lemon, orange, or strawberry.

For a good effectiveness, it recommends<La voix passive s'impose is recommended to drink a small bottleful<On boit le contenu, pas le contenant every 5 days.

[ptite_crevette]

Bonsoir,

C'est bien essayé mais, comment dire, ça "sent" le français traduit à plein nez. Tu comprends ?

[Jean B]

You're welcome.