Besoin D'une Correction...

[keiko]

J'ai un sujet d'expression (sur la guerre) à faire pour lundi et voilà ce que j'ai fait :

War is present in our life. Between (the) images that are seen on TV news and (the) children who “play” at the war, (the) horror takes place in our everyday life. But it can be justified ? And if it is qualified to necessary, can you tell it’s still a crime ? After seeing the justifications that you give it, we’ll show it’s always a crime.

If it is justified, war isn’t necessarily a crime. It can allow intervene from a political angle and like this improving the life by bringing (the) freedom. For instance, the European colonies fought for their independence wars to no more be trust territories and no more be a salves’ source for he colonialists. Besides, struggle can be a way of ideas’ claiming way. Georges W. Bush declared war on Afghanistan and on Iraq under pretext of he represents the free world and them the “evil’s axis” (l’axe du mal en français mais je ne sais pas si on peut le traduire de façon littérale).

Although war let claim ours ideas, it brings to (the) hatred and it sometimes makes worse the situation. The growth of Nazism in Germany after the World War I illustres this. She (“veut dire” mais je ne me souviens plus de l’expression en anglais) too, destruction of world, environment or economy. A war « clean » doesn’t exist, the « nasty » aren’t only been put in prison or killed. And what say to the human’s massacre ? Honour, duty, soldiers who are heros are said (=> je veux dire “on nous parle d’honneur de devoir, de soldats qui sont des héros) even though there are only murders, butcheries and sometimes genocides like the one Armenian that Turkey took time to acknowledge.

To put into a nutshell, war is -for me, always a crime. In fact people who say she is necessary or justified should look to the past : some person like Gandhi succeeded in make evolve the society by advocating the non-violence.

Les the sont ceux qui sont peut-être supprimables d'après moi . Merci ^^

[yveslouis]

Hi!

Red : à supprimer

Blue : à ajouter ( ou commentaires)

War is present in our life (ou mieux : in our lives). Between (the) OK : Les images sont déterminées : article défini) images that are seen on TV news and (the) OK children who “play” at the war, (the) (Non : pas d'article défini ici.)horror takes place in our everyday life. But it can be justified ?(Et la construction de la forme interrogative ?! ) And if it is qualified to necessary (And if it is said to be necessary -- Est-ce ce que tu veux dire ?), can you tell say it’s (éviter la contraction à l'écrit en langue soutenue)still a crime ? After seeing the justifications that you give it, we’ll show it’s always a crime.

If it is justified, war isn’t necessarily a crime. It can allow intervene from a political angle and like this thus improving improve the life by bringing (the) (Pas d'article)freedom. For instance, the European colonies fought for their independence wars (On ne se bat pas pour une guerre !) to no more not to be trust territories and no more be a salves’ a source of slavery for the colonialists anymore . Besides, struggle can be a way of ideas’ claiming way. Georges W. Bush declared war on Afghanistan and on Iraq under on pretext of he represents representing the free world and them whereas they were said to be the “evil’s axis" (ou "axis of evil")

Although war lets claim (???) ours (adjectif, pas pronom) ideas, it brings to (the) hatred and it sometimes makes worse the situation worse. The growth of Nazism in Germany after the World War I illustres illustrates this. She (who's "she" ?) (“veut dire” mais je ne me souviens plus de l’expression en anglais) (vouloir dire = to mean) too, (peut -être : It also means the destruction...)destruction of the world, of environment or economy. A clean war « clean » (adjectif toujours AVANT le nom) doesn’t exist, the « nasty » (ou mieux : "the baddies") aren’t only been put into prison or killed. And what say to the human’s about human massacres ? We are told about honour, duty, soldiers who are heros are said even though there are only murders, butcheries and sometimes genocides like the one Armenian one ("one" mot d'appui, est un nom qui doit passer après l'adjectif "Armenian) that Turkey took time to acknowledge (they haven't acknoledged it yet ! : that Turkey hasn't acknoledged yet.).

To put it into a nutshell, war is -for me, always a crime ( ou mieux : is always a crime to me). In fact people who say she it is necessary or justified should look to at the past : some persons like Gandhi succeeded in make making evolve the society evolve by advocating the non-violence.

@+

[keiko]

merci ^^

t'as économisé beaucoup d'encre rouge à ma prof d'anglais... lol ^^

[yveslouis]

...et peut-être, aussi, un peu d'aspirine à la Sécu !

@+