Expression écrite

[flor64]

Bonjour, je viens de terminer mon devoir d'anglais et je voudrais savoir si j'ai fait des fautes dans les structures des phrases.

Today marks a special day in Ngati Toa history. Today the Maori tribe acquired the international property rights to the haka ritual. Now, nobody can use the haka which is a Maori male ritual without their permission. The All Blacks, a New Zealand Rugby team, perform it before each match. As the team use the haka, is this a commercial exploitation ? Now, the All Blacks should stop doing the haka and should pay to do it ? We do not yet know !

The Ngati Toa did that to stop the exploitation of the haka by film directors and advertisers in films and commercials. This Maori tribe started her fight to stop commercial exploitation of the haka whose the aim is to trademark the haka to limit commercial abuse in 1999.

Moreover, use the haka in film and television, in the point of view of the Ngati Toa, is indelicate, tactless and degrading for Maori culture because for them, there are a traditional significance. For example, in 2006 in an Italian commercial for Fiat, women do haka in farcical manner, and in 2008, in the Hollywood movie Forever Strong a US high school rugby team performs the haka.

In my opinion, when a commercial or a movie use a traditional significance of a tribe this is an act of racism because it ridicule her population and this gives a bad image of this. Particularly if the film, for example, is not related with the Ngati Toa culture. For me this is intolerable to make fun of somebody’s culture.

That is why it’s important that they can choose who use the haka which is a very holy and sacred interpretation of their culture. However, they shouldn’t favor directors and advertisers who offers them a lot of money for the haka because it’s humilating.

Merci d'avance 

[mikasa16]

Citation

salut, tu est au CNED ?

 

 

[Jean B]

Bonsoir,

Désolé pour ma réponse tardive, je ne suis rentré chez moi que cet après-midi après 10 jours d'hospitalisation. Néanmoins si elles peuvent t'être encore utiles, voici mes remarques :

Today marks a special day in Ngati Toa history. Today the Maori tribe acquired the international property rights to the haka ritual. Now, nobody can use the haka which is a Maori male ritual without their permission. The All Blacks, a New Zealand Rugby team, perform it before each match. As the team use the haka, is this a commercial exploitation? Now, should the All Blacks should stop doing the haka and should pay to do it? We do not yet know! < Souviens-toi de l'ordre des mots dans une question car c'en est une. NB La répétition de l'auxiliaire n'est pas obligatoire devant le second verbe.

The Ngati Toa did that to stop the exploitation of the haka by film directors and advertisers in films and commercials. This Maori tribe started her <(1)> their fight to stop commercial exploitation of the haka whose the <(2)> aim is <(3> was to trademark the haka to limit commercial abuse in 1999.

<(1)> Ni féminin, ni masculin l'adjectif possessif à employer ici est de sens collectif, donc pluriel.

<(2)> Suppression obligatoire de "the" derrière whose, c'est à mémoriser.

<(3)> À ton avis, 1999 c'est aujourd'hui ? Sois attentif à ce genre de sottise.

Moreover, using/the use of the haka in films and television, in from the point of view of the Ngati Toa, is indelicate, tactless and degrading for Maori culture because for them, there are < Tu as perdu de vue le sujet qui est the haka > it has a traditional significance. For example, in 2006 in an Italian commercial for Fiat, women do did/performed a haka in a farcical manner, and in 2008, in the Hollywood movie Forever Strong a US high school rugby team performs performed the haka.

Même si 2006 et 2008 sont des dates proches de 2019, elle n'en sont pas moins passées = PRETERIT ! C'est du B.A.-BA de la grammaire anglaise et tu dois appliquer cette règle systématiquement.

In my opinion, when a commercial or a movie uses < Le sujet est singulier car tu as écrit l'un OU l'autre a traditional significance of a tribe, this is an act of racism because it ridicules < Le sujet est au SINGULIER her < Déjà vu et expliqué plus haut > their population and this gives a bad image of this them. Particularly if the film, for example, is not related with the Ngati Toa culture. For me this is intolerable to make fun of somebody’s culture.

That is why it’s important that they can choose who use the haka which is a very holy and sacred interpretation of their culture. However, they shouldn’t favor directors and advertisers who offers <Là, le sujet est un pluriel them a lot of money for the haka because it’s humiliating.

Ma conclusion en forme de question : serais-tu étourdi ?

Même si j'en doute un peu, tu as intérêt à revoir quelques fondamentaux de la grammaire anglaise.

Bonne soirée.