Écriture d'une nouvelle

[Arelow]

Bonjour, j'ai une nouvelle à écrire en anglais à partir d'une photo d'un père qui revient de l'armée et qui retrouve son petit garçon. J'en ai donc écrit une mais n'étant pas très forte en anglais, j'ai peur d'avoir fait pas mal de faute notamment sur l'utilisation du passé. Si vous pourriez jeter un coup d'œil à ma copie se serrais vraiment sympa!

J'ai une phrase que je n'arrive pas à traduire une phrases c'est "le doux visage de ma mère se durcit"

In the center of the airstrip, Jace was reconizing the man who is on all his walls of the house and whose his mom speaks to him all the times. Hew was on the car which was approaching of this man, Claire, mom's Jace who is sitting beside his son scream:

-Look Jace! Look! You're dad is here!

The little boy is so exitting at this moment because he was mitting finally his hero. The car was stopping, was 32 foots, the boy was oppenning the door and was going up to his dad who was squating and spreading her arms :

"- Hey boby!" Exclaimed the dad of Jace.

"- Dady!"

A breath of joy was coming to the boy of 7 years want his dad hugs him:

"- Hell, you grew up! Four years of absences and you are almost bigger that my weapon of war! "

Claire was arriving crying, Oliver, live his son a moment for took is wife into his arms. Jace was putting his heard down for not see his parents kissing, juste like all the kids would do because they think a kisses is disgusting.

They exchanged a few word than a boy not even bother to listen. He was looking his dad with bright eyes and admiration. He was wanting recording all his facial features, those brown eyes, his nose and his smile just like described his mom. Then, Jace was notice with the speaking style of this dad, that it was nervous, smiling but concerned.

Afterwards, whose sweet face of his mom is Harding and she becoming to do a grand gesture just like when when Jace was doing something foolish like his drawing on the walls of the houses. The eyes of the little boy was passing from his dad to his mom. It's impossible for him to understand what is the problem. They lips was outting a lot of song whose he was can't distinguish the meaning so much that they was speaking too fast. Jace approaching his father and extending his hands to attain the arms of his dad:

"- Daddy? What wrong?" Asked Jace.

His parents was stopping chatting and after a moment of silence the mom said:

- You're "daddy" want to go back to the war!

 

Je n'ais pas encore finis de l'écrire mais je mets la suite à corriger pour ceux qui souhaiterais m'aider dans pas longtemps.

Merci d'avance!

[Jean B]

Bonjour, bienvenue sur le forum.

Le 24/01/2018 à 20:40, Arelow a dit :

Bonjour, j'ai une nouvelle à écrire en anglais à partir d'une photo d'un père qui revient de l'armée et qui retrouve son petit garçon. J'en ai donc écrit une mais n'étant pas très forte en anglais, j'ai peur d'avoir fait pas mal de fautes notamment sur l'utilisation du passé. Si vous pourrviez jeter un coup d'œil à ma copie se ce serrais serait vraiment sympa!

NB La condition n'est jamais exprimée au conditionnel et le conditionnel de être n'a rien à voir avec le verbe serrer !

Rouvre le Bescherelle des conjugaisons et révise les !

J'ai une phrase que je n'arrive pas à traduire une phrases c'est "le doux visage de ma mère se durcit"

In the center of the airstrip, Jace was reconizing the man who is on all his the walls of the house and whose his mom speaks to him all the times. Hew was on in the car which was approaching of this man and Claire, mom's Jace's mom who is was sitting beside his son screamed: < La concordance des temps fonctionne comme en français, il suffit de faire preuve d' un peu de cohérence.

-Look Jace! Look! You're Your dad is here! < Comment peux-tu confondre l'adjectif possessif "your" avec la forme verbale contractée "you are" ? Est-ce qu'il t'arrive de te relire ?

The little boy is was so exitting excited at this moment because he was mitting finally meeting his hero. The car was stopping stopped was 32 foots, the boy was oppenning opened the door and was going went up to his dad who was squating squatted down and spreading her arms : < Série d'actions brèves = prétérit

"- Hey Bobby!" Jace's dad exclaimed the dad of . < Révise aussi la construction du génitif ou cas possessif.

"- Daddy!"

A breath of joy was coming to the boy of 7 years want his dad hugs him: The seven-year old boy was overwhelmed with joy when his father hugged him. < Cesse d'écrire d'abord en français pour ensuite traduire en anglais. On voit ce que ça donne comme nombre de catastrophes !

"- Hell, you grew up! Four years of absences and you are almost bigger that than my weapon of war! "

Claire was arriving arrived crying, Oliver, live left his son a moment for took is to take his wife into his arms. Jace was putting lowered his heard down for head not to see his parents kissing, juste like all the kids would do because they think a kisses is disgusting. < Tu accumules des fautes sur des notions élémentaires qu'il est carrément inadmissible d'ignorer en Terminale. Je sens déjà que ma collaboration risque de tourner court.

They exchanged a few words than a that the boy did not even bother to listen. He was looking at his dad with bright eyes and admiration. He was wanting recording wanted to record/remember all his facial features, those brown eyes, his nose and his smile just like described his mom had described them. Then Jace was noticed with from the speaking style of this dad that it he was nervous, smiling but concerned. < Celle-là, c'est un comble !

Afterwards, whose sweet face of his mom is Harding and she becoming to do a grand gesture just like when when Jace was doing something foolish like his drawing on the walls of the houses. < C'est du charabia absolu que je renonce à essayer de comprendre ! The eyes of The little boy was passing turning his eyes from his dad to his mom. It was impossible for him to understand what is the problem was. They Their lips was were outting uttering a lot of song words/sounds whose meaning he was can't couldn't distinguish the meaning so much fast that they was were speaking too fast. Jace approaching came near to his father and extending holding out his hand to attain the arms of grab his dad's:

"- Daddy? What's wrong?", Jace asked.

His parents was stopping stopped chatting and after a moment of silence the his mom said:

- You're Your daddy wants to go back to the war!

 

Je n'ais pas encore finis de l'écrire mais je mets la suite à corriger pour ceux qui souhaiteraisent m'aider dans pas longtemps.< Je leur souhaite bien du plaisir !

Merci d'avance!

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Bien que nanti d'une longue expérience, je n'arrive pas à comprendre comment ton niveau peut être aussi mauvais en Terminale.

Si tu mets les bouchées doubles et même triples, tu es la seule à pouvoir encore redresser la barre avant l'échéance de juin prochain.