Correction article de presse

[djouldjou]

Bonjour,

Je suis en 3ème et je dois écrire un article de sport en lien avec le Canada. Ici j'ai décidé d'écrire sur le patinage artistique. Pourriez-vous corriger mon texte ou dire les erreurs que j'ai faites? Merci d'avance, et bonne journée. 

The skating is a sport includes sliding on an ice-cold surface (channels, rivers, ice-cold lakes or ice rinks). It’s an art executed on the ice with ice skates.

The figure skating is one events of the skating. This sport allies athletic, technique, rhythm and elegance.

Now, let’s talk about the history of this fabulous sport :

The figure skating is one of older sports which exist. Originally like skis, ice skating were a means of transport and of hunt.They were in skin of animal and the blade was in polite bone. People moved on the   ice to cross the other side of the river using ice skates. Quickly, the ice skating becomes an entertainment, in the Scandinavian countries where the ice-cold surfaces are numerous. In winter, families gathered on lakes to slide and have fun.... Until they begin to jump, to turn, seeing that we can do many things on skates. The first artificial ice rink was made in London in 1876 and the first club of skating in Edinburgh in 1742. The skater who began to make popular the figure skating was Sonya Henie. This Norwegian skater established a real dynasty of the figure skating. This sport has come a long way since 2000 years. Today, it became a discipline of the Winter Olympics which is practised or in couple, and where we make acrobatic tricks as pirouettes, jumps… We’ve seen a great evolution of this sport: of a simple blade attached to shoes by leather laces, we pass in a leather bootee with a blade under the sole. The boots are in leather and maintains the ankle. The blade is in steel. For the figure skating, the skaters wear dresses adapted to the theme of their program. Three disciplines are present: free skate, dance and synchronized skating.

The free style: it is a "solo" skating for men and ladies, there is also a free skate for couples.

The dance: it is a discipline for couples dancing steps and coreographies on the ice.

The synchronized skating: it is very popular in the local clubs where several skaters make the same figures and the movement at the same time on the ice.

This sport has a link with Canada, why? Simply, with its 25 Olympic medals, Canada is one of the world powers of the discipline. The couple Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir in Vancouver 2010, four years earlier had taken away the golden medal. They were the first Canadians to become Olympic champions in ice dance.

 

[Jean B]

 

Bonjour,

Le 21/04/2017 at 09:59, djouldjou a dit :

Bonjour,

Je suis en 3ème et je dois écrire un article de sport en lien avec le Canada. Ici j'ai décidé d'écrire sur le patinage artistique. Pourriez-vous corriger mon texte ou dire les erreurs que j'ai faites? Merci d'avance, et bonne journée. 

The << L'article défini est omis devant un nom employé dans la généralité. skating is a sport xx << Il manque le pronom relatif approprié>> xx includes sliding on an ice-cold surface (channels, rivers, ice-cold lakes or ice rinks). It’s an art executed on the ice with ice skates.

The << Idem figure skating is one events of the skating events. << 1° Tu ne peux pas employer un nom pluriel derrière un article ou numéral singulier. 2° Le nom composé " skating events" ainsi construit suffit à induire le rapport d'appartenance.  This sport allies athletics, technique, rhythm and elegance.

Now, let’s talk about the history of this fabulous sport:

The figure skating is one of the older sports which exist. Originally like skis, ice skates were a means of transport and (of) hunt.They were in skin made of animal hide and the blade was in made of polite polished bone. People moved on the   ice to cross to the other side of the river using ice skates. Quickly, the ice skating becomes << Tu fais un récit = prétérit >> became an entertainment in the Scandinavian countries where the ice-cold surfaces are numerous. In winter, families gathered on lakes to slide and have fun.... Until they begin <<Idem, rectifie to jump, to turn, seeing that we can << Ce n'est ni le bon pronom ni le bon temps du modal, rectifie les do many things on skates. The first artificial ice rink was built / made in London in 1876 and the first club of skating in Edinburgh in 1742. The skater who began to make popular the popularize figure skating was Sonya Henie. This Norwegian skater established a real dynasty of the figure skating. This sport has come a long way since for 2000 years. << since ne s'emploie que devant une date ou évènement précis, c'est à mémoriser vs for devant une durée de temps // Es-tu sûre que ce sport soit si ancien ? Today, it has become a discipline of the Winter Olympics which is practised either solo or in couple and where we make acrobatic tricks as pirouettes, jumps… We’ve seen a great evolution of this sport: of from a simple blade attached to shoes by leather laces we pass in have gone to a leather bootee with a blade under the sole. The boots are in made of leather and maintains << Le sujet est pluriel, attention ! the ankle. The blade is in made of steel. For the To do / practice figure skating, the skaters wear dresses adapted to the theme of their program. Three disciplines are present: freestyle skate, dance and synchronized skating.

The freestyle: it is a "solo" skating for men and ladies, there is also a free skate for couples.

The dance: it is a discipline for couples dancing steps and choreographies on the ice.

The synchronized skating: it is very popular in the local clubs where several skaters make the same figures and the movements at the same time on the ice.

This sport has a link with Canada. Why? Simply, with its 25 Olympic medals, Canada is one of the world powers of the discipline. The couple Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir in Vancouver 2010, four years earlier had taken away the golden medal. They were the first Canadians to become Olympic champions in ice dance.

 

Ce n'est pas mal dans l'ensemble mais méfie-toi du mot à mot qui donne rarement satisfaction quand on passe d'une langue à l'autre. Exemple tout bête "in" que tu emploies à tort pour rendre "en acier" ou "en peau". Dans ce cas l'anglais comprend "fait/fabriqué" en tel ou tel matériau.

Corrige les quelques fautes que j'ai juste balisées. Surtout et sans plus tarder, apprends bien les règles qui régissent l'emploi/omission du déterminant "the" qui est loin de s'employer aussi systématiquement que nos "le/la/les". En pj ci-dessous, tu trouveras un condensé de ce que tu dois savoir et appliquer sans faille, c'est essentiel en anglais. Enregistre le, imprime le, potasse le et surtout mémorise le ! C'est primordial pour le lycée et au delà.

Bonne continuation.

THE.doc

[djouldjou]

Bonjour,

Merci beaucoup d'avoir pris le temps d'avoir corrigé mon article et d'en plus fournir les détails, explications, conseils et astuces! Ce site est vraiment super!

Bon dimanche à vous!