Rédaction

[lucile123]

Bonjour, pouvez-vous me corriger ma rédaction svp

While I was off to the only sea adventure on my father's fishing boat, he was shipwrecked on an unknown island. I was looking for a way to save my life by seeking in this island a backup means but I was lost on this deserted island. I was anxious, I was hungry, I was scared and I missed my family. Could I eat these fruits offered me by this unknown nature to alleviate my hunger? How was I to know if they were not poisoned? The advantage is that I equip to swim but the downside was that I was alone, there was nobody to help me or advise me. I decided not to panic as this will not bring any good and then I took advantage of the sunshine for sunbathing and then I made sand castles to pass the time. There was no network for my phone while I was watching the different species of birds that passed and I admired the scenery. In the distance I saw a boat, I waved, but he did not see me. But I do not lose hope! I am using a branch and a white fabric that I found on the island to create a flag and I made a sign that we could see me from afar. Luckily for me a rescue helicopter had spotted me. They came for me and took me home. My family was excited to see me and I likewise. My father told me then that he had appealed for help because he realized that I was only left with his boat. The main thing is that this story is over and I'm tanned.

Merci

[Jean B]

 

Bonjour,

Le 06/06/2016 at 12:08, lucile123 a dit :

Bonjour, pouvez-vous me corriger ma rédaction SVP ?

While I was off to the only sea adventure on my father's fishing boat, he  it was shipwrecked on an unknown island.<<J'imagine que c'est le bateau qui s'est échoué, pas ton père ! I was looking for a way to save my life by seeking in this island a backup means but I was lost on this deserted island. I was anxious, I was hungry, I was scared and I missed my family. Could I eat these fruits offered me by this unknown nature to alleviate my hunger? How was I to know whether / if they were not poisoned poisonous? The advantage / The sunny side is was that I was equipped to swim but the downside was that I was alone, there was nobody to help me or advise me. I decided not to panic as this will <<concordance des temps>> would not bring any good and then I took advantage of the sunshine for sunbathing and then I made sand castles to pass the time. There was no network for my phone while I was watching the different various species of birds that passed flew by and I admired the scenery. In the distance I saw a boat, I waved, but he did not see no one on board saw me. But I do  did not lose hope! I am using  used a branch and a white fabric that I found on the island to create a flag and I made a signal that we could be seen me from afar. Luckily for me a rescue helicopter had spotted me. They came for me and took me home. My family were / was excited to see me and I likewise so was I. My father told me then that he had appealed called for help because he had realized that I was only left with alone / by myself on his boat. The main thing is that this story is over and I'm tanned.

Merci

C'est correct dans l'ensemble, ton anglais "coule" bien mais ne perds jamais de vue que le récit doit se faire entièrement au prétérit. Bonne continuation.

[lucile123]

Merci