Bac / expression orale : Spaces and Exchanges / correction

[NoctisX55]

Bonjour,

je souhaiterais que quelqu'un puisse corriger mon texte, s'il vous plaît. Je remercie d'avance ceux ou celles qui m'aideront!

I am going talk about spaces and exchanges. First of all I would like to give a definition of this notion: spaces and exchanges deal with the geographical and symbolic areas that all societies occupy and the interactions between men and different societies. Our world is built on the exploration and conquest of new spaces. The different cultural, economic, sociological and language interactions have shaped and characterised our modern-day world.

In order to illustrate this notion I have chosen 2 documents that show the reasons of the immigration.

What attracts immigrants to live in the U.S.A?

 

The first document is testimony named On the threshold of a new world. It was written by Mark Helprin. This testimony is about the immigration of Helprin in the U.S.A. Right from the start he tell us that before going to the U.S.A, he had to go to Ellis Island in order to undergo a medical examination. But also an interview to determine his literacy. Indeed, first he had been examined by a doctor, then he was sent to another room, where he had to answer the questions of a woman. Her questions dealt with his literacy and skills. In other words, she was determining if he would be or not an asset to the U.S.A. Finally the author explains what drives him to go to the U.S.A. Indeed, he dreamed that his life was going to change there. He would become wealthy and live in a palace overlooking the forest of Manhattan. Moreover he thought that he was going to marry a Norwegian woman. In other words, it was the American dream that drove him to go to the U.S.A. He wanted to go from rags to riches like Henry Ford or J.D Rockfeller.

The second document is a song named West Side Story. The lyrics were from Stpehen Sondheim and the music from Leonard Eernstein. This song deals with the benefits and the disadvantages to go live to the U.S.A. On one side we have the girls who praise the U.S.A for being a free country (democracy and equality), but also they highlight his flourishing economic situation (trade, business, industry, construction). Finally they say that the American dream is at hand and that they are proud of getting what they have themselves. On the other side we have the boys who criticize the U.S.A, for them not everybody benefits from the economic situation of the U.S.A since some people are being discriminated against. Moreover they underline the violence of American society and he fact that you must fight to get anything you want.

Thus we see that the immigrants are attracted by the economic situation of the U.S.A, but also by his politics. Finally we can say that they are attracted by the American dream. However they have to fight to get anything they want. But they also have to fight against discrimination.

 

Finally these documents make us realize that what drive people to go to the U.S.A is mainly the American dream. In other words, they want to go from rags to riches. Moreover they are also attracted by the U.S.A for being a free country. However they have to fight to get anything they want.

Nevertheless these documents could also be linked with the notion of the Places and forms of powers since they talk also of the discrimination against the immigrant.

 

[Jean B]

 

Bonjour,

il y a une heure, NoctisX55 a dit :

Bonjour,

je souhaiterais que quelqu'un puisse corriger mon texte, s'il vous plaît. Je remercie d'avance ceux ou celles qui m'aideront!

I am going to talk about spaces and exchanges. <Décidément, tu sembles avoir du mal à mémoriser la structure be going to + V First of all I would like to give a definition of this notion: spaces and exchanges deal with the geographical and synmbolic areas that all societies occupy and the interactions between men and different various societies. Our world is built on the exploration and conquest of new spaces. The different Various cultural, economic, sociological and language interactions have shaped and characterised our modern-day world.<Vérifie dans ton dictionnaire la différence de sens entre les adjectifs " different " et " various ". À la limite, on pourrait dire que " different " s'apparente à un faux-ami.

In order to illustrate this notion I have chosen 2 documents that show the reasons of the immigration.

What attracts immigrants to live in the U.S.A?

 

The first document is a testimony named On the threshold of a new world. It was written by Mark Helprin. This testimony is about the immigration of Helprin in the U.S.A. Right from the start he tells  us that before going to the U.S.A, he had to go to Ellis Island in order to undergo a medical examination. But also an interview to determine his literacy. Indeed, first he had been examined by a doctor, then he was sent to another room where he had to answer the questions of a woman. Her questions dealt with his literacy and skills. In other words, she was determining if he would be or not an asset to the U.S.A. Finally the author explains what drives drove him to go to the U.S.A. Indeed, he dreamed that his life was going to change there. He would become wealthy and live in a palace overlooking the forest of Manhattan. Moreover he thought that he was going to marry a Norwegian woman. In other words, it was the American dream that drove him to go to the U.S.A. He wanted to go from rags to riches like Henry Ford or J.D Rockfeller.

The second document is a song named West Side Story. The lyrics were from Stpehen Sondheim and the music from Leonard Eernstein. This song deals with the benefits and the disadvantages to go live to the U.S.A. On one side we have the girls who praise the U.S.A for being a free country (democracy and equality), but also they highlight his  its flourishing economic situation (trade, business, industry, construction). Finally they say that the American dream is at hand and that they are proud of getting what they have themselves. On the other side we have the boys who criticize the U.S.A, for them not everybody benefits from the economic situation of the U.S.A since some people are being discriminated against. Moreover they underline the violence of American society and he fact that you must fight to get anything you want.

Thus we see that the   immigrants are attracted by the economic situation of the U.S.A, but also by his  its politics policies. Finally we can say that they are attracted by the American dream. However they have to fight to get anything they want. But they also have to fight against discrimination.

 

Finally these documents make us realize that what drives people to go to the U.S.A is mainly the American dream. In other words, they want to go from rags to riches. Moreover they are also attracted by the U.S.A for being a free country. However they have to fight to get anything they want.

Nevertheless these documents could also be linked with the notion of the Places and forms of powers since they also talk  of the discrimination against the immigrants.

 

Où en es-tu de ta connaissance des règles régissant l'emploi/omission de " the " ? Besoin d'une piqûre de rappel ? Si tu l'estimes nécessaire, je peux te fournir ladite piqûre ! Just let me know via a private message.

[NoctisX55]

Bonsoir,

tout d'abord je tiens à vous exprimer mes plus sincères remerciements pour votre aide! Sinon je souhaiterais bien avoir la petite piqûre de rappel, puisque lorsque j'étais en train d'écrire ce texte je ne savais pas si je devais ou non mettre "the".

Sur ce je vous souhaite une bonne soirée!

[Jean B]

Petite piqûre de rappel envoyée en mp.