Petite rédaction à corriger

[lilly37]

Bonjour, j'ai écrist une petite rédaction en m'aidant d'un tableau sur le mythe de Narcisse. <Cela donne écrite au féminin.  Dans le premier paragraphe je raconte le conte et dans le deuxième je dois introduire des idées sur la beauté éternelle. Pouvez vous m'aider à la corriger s'il vous plait? Si vous avez des idées pour le dernier paragraphe je suis prenante! Merci

Narcissus is the son of a river. He has an extraordinary beauty that earned him the love of the most beautiful creatures. However, a soothsayer predicted that he will die if he looks at his reflection in a mirror. Its exceptional beauty hides a heart of stone that pushes girls. As we see on the painting, Echo a nymph who repeats sentence's end, falls in love with him and follows him everywhere but he harshly rejects her. Desperate, she turns to stone and continues to repeat sentences's end of Narciss until he died. In revenge, a goddess leads him to look at his reflection in a river like on tne painting. He falls passionately in love with his reflection he can't unhook his eyes and leaves wither. It turns into little yellow flower like the one you see on the painting called narcissus or daffodil.

Cosmetics and all beauty products shows the importance of appearance and eternal beauty in our society. The esthetic surgery is another example. Further more death and old age are hidden and taboo in our society just be because we increasingly fear death bacause we are more materialistic. This phenomenon increases the cult to the etarnal beauty and the selfishness.

[Jean B]

Bonsoir,

Narcissus is was the son of a river. <Un conte est un récit qui se fait au passé. "Il était une fois..."  ne te rappelle rien ? He has had an extraordinary beauty that earned him the love of the most beautiful creatures.< la plupart de + nom = most + nom  However, a soothsayer predicted that he will would die if he looks looked at his reflection in a mirror.<Concordance des temps au passé à revoir. Elle fonctionne exactement comme en français. Its His exceptional beauty hides hid a heart of stone that pushes girls.< C'est-à-dire ? As we can see on the painting, Echo a nymph who repeats repeated sentence's ends,<Génitif grammaticalement impossible falls fell in love with him and follows followed him everywhere but he harshly rejects rejected her. Desperate, she turns turned into stone and continued to repeat sentences's ends of Narcissus until he died. In revenge, a goddess leads led him to look at his reflection in a river like on the painting. He falls fell passionately in love with his own reflection he can't unhook his eyes couldn't look away from and leaves wither withered. It He turns turned into a little yellow flower like the one you see on the painting called narcissus or daffodil.

Cosmetics and all beauty products shows < le sujet est pluriel ! the importance of appearance and eternal beauty in our society. The esthetic Cosmetic surgery is another example. Furthermore death and old age are hidden and taboo in our society just be because we increasingly fear death because we are more materialistic. This phenomenon increases the cult to the of eternal beauty and the selfishness.< "the" n'est jamais employé devant un nom employé dans la généralité. Il est donc beaucoup plus rare que nos le/la/les.

[lilly37]

Thank you for your help!! Have a good day!!

[Jean B]

il y a 57 minutes, lilly37 a dit :

Thank you for your help!! Have a good day!!

My pleasure! Have a nice day too.