Correction article SVP

[dimiser44]

Hi everyone !

Je suis en 1ere année de licence en anglais et je dois écrire un article sur mes premières impressions à l'université. 

Est-ce que vous pourriez, s'il vous plaît, me corriger ? Je pense avoir quelques lacunes dans l'utilisation du vocabulaire. Comme mon article doit faire 800 mots, je vous le posterai en plusieurs parties, pour éviter un trop lourd travail de correction de votre part. Donc voilà le début:

 FIRST STEPS IN THE ARENA

“There's absolutely no chance I ever find my feet in this place.”, “Where do I have to go ?”, “Who can I turn to if something goes wrong ?”. These are the first thoughts that came through my mind when I faced the university for the first time. Beside that, I realized how lucky I was to start my studies in such a cultural environment, with its large range of facilities, like an immense library and special ones that enable us to work and study in optimal conditions and feel more confident and serene in this journey's beginning. When I set foot on the ground of this gigantic university the very first day — I think gigantic is definitely an appropriate adjective for a country boy — a little walk around the whole place was essential. Then I cheerfully started a snappy stroll down the university in order to briefly get acquainted with the campus or at least locate the different places.

To be continued...

Merci d'avance!  

[Jean B]

Bonjour et bienvenue dans l'arène.

 

FIRST STEPS IN THE ARENA

“There's absolutely no chance I ever find my feet in this place.”, “Where do I have to go?”, “Whom can I turn to if something goes wrong?”. Même si les "temps modernes" acceptent indifféremment l'emploi de l'un ou de l'autre, les puristes pourraient te reprocher de ne pas faire la distinction entre le pronom sujet, who et le pronom complément, whom.These are the first thoughts that came through my mind when I faced the university for the first time. Beside that Besides I realized how lucky I was to start my studies in such a cultural environment with its large range of facilities, like/such as an immense library and special ones that enable us to work and study in optimal conditions, and feel more confident and serene in this journey's beginning at the beginning of a degree course/ when I start doing a degree course. When I set foot on the ground of this gigantic university on the very first day — I think gigantic is definitely an appropriate adjective for a country boy — a little walk around the whole place was essential. Then I cheerfully started a snappy brisk stroll down the university in order to briefly get acquainted with the campus or at least locate the different places.

Globalement, "on" pourrait te reprocher que ça sent parfois trop le calque du français.

[dimiser44]

Merci beaucoup !

J'essaie pourtant de me détacher au maximum du français, j'écris directement en anglais. Voilà la suite:

" I was quite pleasantly surprised by all the maps and panels strewn across the campus. Indeed, in such a place like this, broad and consisting of an untold number of buildings, it's pretty hard to find your way. Fortunately, I didn't get lost. I think, actually, that the trickiest thing when I had to attend my first course, was finding the classroom. The languages building is a big winding tortuous maze. That's what I thought until I get used to it. But for someone who spent the last three years in one single building consisting of three superimposed identical corridors, it was not a piece of cake. Even the plans situated on every floor wasn't helping. I have never been able to properly read a building map. "

(J'avoue avoir un doute sur mon utilisation des temps, toujours quelques petites hésitations entre le preterit et le present perfect.)

 

[Jean B]

 

Hello,

Il y a 2 heures, dimiser44 a dit :

Merci beaucoup !

J'essaie pourtant de me détacher au maximum du français, j'écris directement en anglais. <C'est ce qu'il faut faire en effet mais encore faut-il penser en anglais, ce qui est beaucoup moins évident, je te l'accorde. Le fais-tu ?  Voilà la suite:

" I was quite pleasantly surprised by all the maps and panels strewn across over/scattered about the campus. Indeed, in such a large place (like this), broad and consisting of an untold number of buildings, it's pretty hard to find your way. <Attention au sens de broad.  Fortunately, I didn't get lost. I think, actually, that the trickiest thing was actually finding the classroom when I had to attend my first course, was finding the classroom.< Cette construction me paraît plus logique au plan syntaxique. Don't you think so?  The languages building is a big winding tortuous maze. That's what I thought until I get got used to it.<Problème de concordance des temps : les 2 actions sont terminées/datées (pour toi)/sans lien avec le présent = prétérit. Je n'aime pas comparer avec le français mais, pour une fois, la concordance des temps fonctionne exactement de la même manière dans les 2 langues. But for to someone who spent the last three years in one single building consisting of three superimposed identical corridors, it was not a piece of cake. Even the plans situated on every floor wasn't helping. I have never been able to properly read a building map properly. " < Selon S. Berland Delépine, le "split infinitive" est une construction critiquée par certains puristes (et moi  ).

(J'avoue avoir un doute sur mon utilisation des temps, toujours quelques petites hésitations entre le preterit et le present perfect.) < Ça se soigne avec une bonne grammaire et de la pratique. Keep going!

 

 

[dimiser44]

Penser en anglais... J'essaye !  Il faut clairement se détacher au maximum de la langue française pour respecter au mieux les structures grammaticales de l'anglais, j'ai bien saisi...I have to work on it! Encore merci pour cette correction, voilà la suite en espérant ne pas vous embêter !

" Apart from that, another thing struck me. People. There are a lot of students in this university. Students of all kinds, of all nationalities, and that's one one of the multiple features that pleased me at first glance. I wasn't expecting the university to welcome this much of foreign students. Also, I hadn't seen any judgments, ostracism, quarrels or uprisings yet. I admit having heard about some commotions the university had to face lately. There are groups and social differences obviously, moral discrepancies probably, but overall, I do feel I've landed on a completely different world. A grown-up world. I've also been surprised by all the activities we can register (for?). Sports, music, theater or even english conversation workshops which I attended once. Over the first weeks, there has been an outdoor dance performance, a choral performance, a rock concert, and it's just the beginning. So, I could tell that this university clearly puts its artistic side forward. And to an art lover as I am, it's absolutely a good thing."

[Jean B]

il y a 35 minutes, dimiser44 a dit :

Penser en anglais... J'essaye !  Il faut clairement se détacher au maximum de la langue française pour respecter au mieux les structures grammaticales de l'anglais, j'ai bien saisi...I have to work on it! Encore merci pour cette correction, voilà la suite en espérant ne pas vous embêter !  Tu ne m'embêtes pas du tout, mon jeune ami, au contraire. C'est moi qui te remercie de me donner à lire du bon anglais et de m'aider aussi à maintenir alertes mes vieux neurones. 

" Apart from that, another thing struck me. People. There are a lot of students in this university. Students of all kinds, of all nationalities, and that's one one of the multiple features that pleased me/gave me great pleasure at first glance. I wasn't expecting the university to welcome this much of so many foreign students. < Jamais vu cette formulation que je trouve pour le moins "tarabiscotée". Also So far, I hadven't seen any judgments, ostracism, quarrels or uprisings yet. I admit having heard about some commotions the university had to face lately. < Pourquoi le past perfect tout à coup ? There are groups and social differences obviously, moral discrepancies probably, but overall, I do feel I've landed on a completely different world. A grown-up world of grown-ups. < Ce n'est pas le monde qui est adulte, c'est un monde d'adultes, nuance. I've also been surprised by all the activities we can register (for?) enroll in/for/participate in. Sports, music, theater or even English conversation workshops which I attended once. < Toujours une majuscule aux noms des langues vivantes. Over the first weeks, there has have been an outdoor dance performance, a choral performance, a rock concert, and it's just the beginning. < L'énumération des 3 activités équivaut à un pluriel. So, I could tell that this university clearly puts its artistic side forward. < Pourquoi could et pas can ? Tu n'en es pas sûr ? And to an art lover like me/And to such an art lover as I (am), it's absolutely a good thing." <  Dans la seconde formulation (très littéraire), la reprise de be est inutile, d'où mes parenthèses.

 

[dimiser44]

Merci encore pour ces corrections, et ces précisions, c'est vraiment très agréable ! Je remarque en fait que je fais beaucoup de fautes d'étourderie, je devrais me relire davantage. Voilà encore la suite, et puis il n'en restera qu'une seule.  Peut-être un peu plus de mal sur celle-ci.

" But one of the best assets this university possesses is a building I've already mentionned, the library. It's probably the biggest library I've ever seen. Four stages of books and documents of all kinds. It is definitely the place where you have to go to work in peace and quiet with all the tools you need. I was completely lost the first time I went there, but when I finally found my bearings, I started to go there frequently. There are tables, computers, enthralling and useful books obviously, and even rooms you can reserve to work in group. In addition, there are six more special libraries on the campus. In short, we are very well suited to study under the best conditions. Now, to talk about the negative points I've noticed, there is a big one actually, the flyers distributors just in front of the main entrance. It wasn't so bothering the first days, but over time, it turned out to be very annoying. Some of these distributors are even marginally aggressive. "

[dimiser44]

Excusez-moi le double post, je ne peux pas éditer le précédent, voilà finalement la fin de mon article:

" I was also rather surprised by the construction works taking place all over the campus. Sometimes it's really noisy and depending on where I'm situated, it can be hard to concentrate. However, I know we cannot blame anyone for this. It is a blessing in disguise and next year, we'll have brand new buildings. I will conclude with a very positive point about student mentality. Most of them are really open-minded, sociable, friendly and above all, they unhesitatingly offer help to those who need it. In my case, I asked some students for directions a couple of times and they kindly led me to the places I looked for. So it seems pretty obvious to me that we are studying in an environment conducive to success, and mutual assistance merely reinforces the belief that we don't have to feel uncomfortable, worried or doubtful. We have everything we need to succeed. "

[Jean B]

Merci encore pour ces corrections, et ces précisions, c'est vraiment très agréable ! < C'est avec plaisir. Je remarque en fait que je fais beaucoup de fautes d'étourderie, je devrais me relire davantage. < C'est une sage et très utile décision. Voilà encore la suite, et puis il n'en restera qu'une seule.  Peut-être un peu plus de mal sur celle-ci.

" But one of the best assets this university has/possesses is a building I've already mentionned, the library. It's probably the biggest library I've ever seen. Four levels/stages of books and documents of all kinds. It is definitely the place where you have to go to work in peace and quiet with all the tools you need. I was completely lost the first time I went there, but when I finally found my bearings, I started to go there frequently. There are tables, computers, enthralling and useful books obviously, and even rooms you can reserve to work in group. In addition, there are six more special libraries on the campus. In short, we are the place is very well suited to studying under the best conditions. < Attention : to suit/be suited to = convenir/être adapté à. C'est donc l'endroit qui est adapté/convient aux études dans les meilleures conditions. Now, to talk about the negative points I've noticed, there is a big one actually, the flyers distributors people/(students?) who hand out leaflets just in front of the main entrance.< 1 Autant que je sache, distributor a le sens de distributeur commercial. 2 Je ne pense pas que l'anglais donne à flyer le sens qu'on lui donne en français. Je préfère recourir à une périphrase. It wasn't so bothering the first days, but over time, it turned out to be very annoying. Some of these distributors people/(students?) are even marginally aggressive. "

Modifié (le) il y a 13 heures par dimiser44

[Jean B]

" I was also rather surprised by the construction works taking place all over the campus. Sometimes it's really noisy and depending on where I'm situated, it can be hard to concentrate. However, I know we cannot blame anyone for this. It is a blessing in disguise and next year, we'll have brand new buildings. I will conclude with a very positive point about student mentality/the way students think. Most of them are really open-minded, sociable, friendly and above all, they unhesitatingly offer help to those who need it. In my case, I asked some students for directions a couple of times and they kindly led me to the places I looked was looking for. So it seems pretty obvious to me that we are studying in an environment conducive to success, and mutual assistance merely reinforces the belief that we don't have to feel uncomfortable, worried or doubtful. We have everything we need to succeed. "

Good job!

[dimiser44]

Ouf ! Et bien un immense merci pour ce travail de correction ! J'ai retenu quelques leçons tout de même

Je reviendrai vers vous sans l'ombre d'un doute, votre façon de corriger est réellement très agréable, encore un grand merci  

A bientôt, portez-vous bien :)

[Jean B]

Merci à toi, à bientôt sur le forum  et m... pour tes études !