Discours Pour Défendre Une Cause

[ruedesetoiles]

Bonjour,

 

 

J'ai un devoir d'anglais à rendre pour lundi : je dois prononcer un discours de 3mn pour défendre une cause et entrer au sein du Rotary Club, une association. Pourriez-vous me corriger ?

 

Hello all,

 

Today, the Rotary Club provides solutions to all sorts of problems around the world. And today, a problem particularly affects many people, thousands of people and especially in countries affected by wars, famine and poverty: it’s Ebola. Recently, this epidemic has begun to decimate populations in December 2013, and it has not stopped so far. Last February, the who has identified 22 894 cases and 9 177 deaths. The most affected countries are Liberia, Sierra Leone and Guinea. This virus is terrible; this epidemic is the worst on record. She became one of the worst incarnations of fear of biological danger, a pandemic virus that would cause him only a global disaster.

 

So now we can all wonder what solutions can be made to help those affected by this disease. It is useful to clarify that the Rotary Club of the countries concerned provides great assistance to the sick. But, unfortunately, we didn’t enough trained health personnel or proper medical equipment.

To date, no cure was found. Rotarians have intensified their efforts to help and care for the sick. We can develop an emergency plan. I think for example, a call to donations to provide equipment, such as gloves, medical equipment, mattresses, clothes, but also textbooks. Because we must not forget that the schools were all closed due to this virus. Children are therefore more access to education!

 

It really is time all to organize and, despite the decline of the disease, continue the work with the same desire. And I think the key of this will sentence is: “Do it well, do it fast and do it now.”

 

 

 

Merci beaucoup

[Jean B]

Bonsoir,

 

Hello all everybody,

 

Today the Rotary Club provides solutions to all sorts of problems around the world. And today a problem particularly affects many people, thousands of people and especially in countries affected by wars, famine, and poverty: it’s and such diseases as Ebola. Recently this epidemic has begun to decimate populations in December 2013 and it has not stopped so far. Last February the who WHO has identified 22 894 cases and 9 177 deaths. <<Un sigle s'écrit toujours en majuscules. The most affected countries are Liberia, Sierra Leone and Guinea. This virus is terrible; this epidemic is the worst on record. She  It has become one of the worst incarnations of fear of biological danger, a pandemic virus that would only cause him a global disaster.

 

So now we can all wonder what solutions can be made provided to help those affected by this disease. It is useful to clarify that the Rotary Club of the countries concerned provides great assistance to the sick. But unfortunately we didn’t enough haven't trained enough health personnel nor supplied proper medical equipment. <<Si l'on forme le personnel médical, on fournit leur équipement !

To date no cure was has been found. Rotarians have intensified their efforts to help and care for the sick. We can develop an emergency plan. For example I think of a call to donations to provide equipment, such as gloves, medical equipment, mattresses, clothes, but also textbooks. Because we must not forget that the schools were all closed due to this virus. Therefore children are have no more access to education!<<Un peu de logique SVP !

 

It is really time all to organize everything and, despite the decline of the disease, continue the work with the same desire. And I think the key of this will sentence is: “Do it well, do it fast and do it now.”

 

Conseils :

- Revois les règles d'emploi du prétérit et du present perfect.

- À l'avenir, évite d'écrire " très urgent" dans le titre de ton sujet (je l'ai supprimé) car c'est le meilleur moyen de dissuader quiconque de t'aider et d'ailleurs j'ai failli ne pas l'ouvrir. C'est à toi de mieux organiser ton emploi du temps car tu n'es pas à l'abri d'un bug du site, ce qui se produit fréquemment depuis quelque temps.

- Un titre de sujet doit être le plus explicite possible. À contrario, "Devoir d'anglais" ne renseigne rien sur le contenu du sujet et, au cas où cela t'aurait échappé, ce forum est exclusivement réservé à l'anglais !

[ruedesetoiles]

Bonsoir JRB,

 

Merci beaucoup de ta correction très claire et de tes conseils. Cela fait un moment que je suis sur ce devoir, raison pour laquelle je l'ai qualifié "d'urgent". Mais je ferai attention la prochaine fois à ce que mon titre soit plus "explicite". 

 

Merci encore