Rédaction

[Ch00Ch00]

Je dois faire une rédaction mais il y a des fautes.

Pourriez vous m'aider à corriger mes fautes, la concordance des temps et utiliser des connecteurs de lieu et de temps.

Britney, The Legendary Master was born in Oklahoma. She grew up in a rich family that she lived in a big house of 10.000 square feet and when she needs something, she got it. Her father is busy with work, he always going business trip while her mother died while she was still young.

At a very young age, she wanted to learn Kung Fu but her father doesn’t want because he said that is an activity for boy not for girl. She was close to her sister, Kate that she developed a lazy and stubborn personality. A few months to her sister's wedding, Britney was muged while walking in Central Park after that event she traumatized and isolated. When she took a bath, she felt down and fell into coma.

Merci beaucoup,

[Jean B]

Bonjour,

À l'avenir, n'oublie pas de donner l'énoncé précis de ton travail, faute de quoi tu nous obliges à travailler en aveugle.

Britney, the legendary master, was born in Oklahoma. She grew up in a rich family that she who lived in a big house of 10.000 square feet and when she needs needed something, she got it.<Puisque tu as commencé cette biographie au passé, il faut conserver le passé à tous les verbes, cela devrait te paraître logique. Her father is was busy with work, he always kept going on business trips, while whereas her mother died while she was still young.<whereas = tandis que / alors que

At a very young age, she wanted to learn Kung Fu but her father doesn’t want didn't because he said that is an activity for a boy not for a girl. She was so close to her sister Kate that she developed a lazy and stubborn personality. A few months to before her sister's wedding, Britney was mugged while walking in Central Park. after that event Consequently / As a consequence she was traumatized and isolated. When While she took was taking / having a bath, she felt down faint and fell went into a coma.<to feel faint = avoir un malaise

<Révise les verbes irréguliers. Ça te permettra de ne plus confondre fall/fell/fallen = tomber et feel/felt/felt = sentir/éprouver/se sentir

< Révise également les cas d'emploi du preterit simple et du preterit be -ing. On ne les emploie pas au petit bonheur.